2006-10-07 12:05:56 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been married to my husband for 6 years, together for many more than that. We have been together, off and on, since HS, although the marriage was always continuous. We have two children and another on the way. He is an angry drunk although only "verbally abusive", I just say he's mean. Because of that, I've been very distant for several years now, because I would rather not talk to him and do everything myself then have him be mean to me. He is a great father however.
Every fight ends with "let's get a divorce" and I always beg him to stay so we can work it out. The last time, I had enough and agreed. I felt a HUGE sense of relief and was really happy with the decision. After a week of being seperated, he begged to come back promising to make changes. Three weeks into this "bliss" he's decided that he just wants a drink and doesn't want me to be upset about it. I'm upset about it, and he is again saying mean things, including that he is not attracted to me. What do I do?!?
2006-10-07 12:10:04 · update #1
it depends on what you want out of life.if you don't like it,get out or live with a drunk being miserable the rest of your life
2006-10-07 12:09:31 · answer #1 · answered by preast 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO WAY !
I ended a 12 year relationship 2 years ago because of the same thing, and mine ex wasn't an abusive drunk.
If you care about yourself and your children, you will not stay in this relationship, its totally unhealthy for you and the children. Your children are going to be the ones that suffer the consequences of your husbands abuse years from now when they remember how you were treated by their father and themselves.
My ex never spent time with me or his children as his booze and drugs were far more important to him. He adventually quit his jobs, and drank away any unemployment money he received and then started drinking away my money as well.
In the end we lost our house.....now I am fighting him in court for custody and support and he still isn't working that's 5 years he's been unemployed in the last 6 years, and he only had the job for about 7 months.
So I would say NO do not stay....you need to move on and find a healthy relationship with someone who can love you and your children without being abusive.
I didn't think there was such a thing....but late last year I met a fantastic gentleman who loves me and my children! So there is a rainbow at the end of the tunnel if you can find it within yourself to find it.
Good luck !
2006-10-09 00:55:35 · answer #2 · answered by ne_patriots2005 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out while you still have the strength and will power. Verbal abuse is harder than physical abuse. The bruises will heal, the verbal abuse will destroy your inner strength. I truly believe that when a person is drunk or angry they say exactly what they mean, alto once they become sober, the have memory lost. If you can't forget the horrible things he's said to you, trust me he remember what he's said to you. Think about those babies and what jargon they are hearing - my son was 1 yr old and he heard F U come out of his sperm donor's mouth so much, he thought those words were OK, so I waited until he went to work one evening, packed as much as I could in the car and never looked back. I moved 8 hrs away. Get those babies out of that environment, because the longer you stay the more confused they will be. It ain't that much love for a man over your children.
2006-10-07 19:24:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't even finish reading what you wrote. I can not believe you are still with him. Being raised by an alcoholic father is so unfair. These children will be damaged and why? No one can ever have a good enough excuse, yes excuse to let their children be scared for life .. If you love your children get them out and get them help. There is so many harmful things that Can happen to children and this is one you can rescue them from. Don't wait another day. If you stay believe me they will blame you some day and have no respect for you. This sounds harsh I realize I know what I talking about. Get on web type in children of alcoholics maybe then you will save them.
2006-10-07 19:34:14 · answer #4 · answered by dettie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing YOU do can change your husbands alcohol abuse. He must want to change. But I think you know this. First you must take care of you! I left a marriage for the same reasons. Yes the first several months were brutal but now, over a year later I have never been happier. I'm stronger and love life like never before. Take care of you and your children.
2006-10-07 19:23:03 · answer #5 · answered by lori_062002 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was married to an alcoholic for 7 years. He was so mean to mean. In the beginning he would just say mean things, then it progressed into hitting me. We are no longer married. He also wanted alcohol more then me. He is still drinking. You can go to alinon. They are a great group of people, going thru what you are going thru. They will give you great advice and support. You cant help anyone but you. Think of you and your children. Good luck
2006-10-07 19:39:42 · answer #6 · answered by Kathy S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
only you can answer that....Is this person abusive to you, If so I would say leave now and don't look back, BUT is the relationship worth salvaging? Have you talked to them about getting help for their drinking problem? If they got to AA there is a program for you called AlAnon (Not sure if I spelled that right? ) But My father was an Alcoholic, and my mom used to go to Al Anon to deal with her issues about his drinking. Unfortunatly when someone drinks, it doesn't just affect them. It affects EVERYONE around them. So if they don't want help, there is not much you can do. Look out for yourself! Good Luck!
2006-10-07 19:11:36 · answer #7 · answered by conniechung 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF your partner recognizes his problem & joins AA or begins treatment & stays with it; IF there's no domestic violence (This usually goes hand-in-hand with alcoholism.); IF his habit isn't keeping you broke; IF you're otherwise secure in your situation, then it might be worth a shot.
Personally, I don't think I'd put up with it. You'll have to decide if you can live with things as they are. If you feel the need to get out for your own safety & sanity, then do so.
2006-10-07 19:33:33 · answer #8 · answered by WillyC 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So being an alcoholic is one thing. however in regards to your question...
1. What do you consider an alcoholic?
2. What is he/she doing or not doing that is eating at you?
3. Time lost? Work?
4. Mental abuse?
5. Physical abuse?
You have a lot to explain before any real answer can be formulated. Any answers at this juncture are pointless because they have nothing to base them upon except their own images of what they consider an "alcoholic".
2006-10-07 19:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since you are asking the question, you are already having the thought of leaving. I personally would not stay married to an alcoholic, but it is your choice. My life is worth more than that. If they want to waste their time being a drunk, so be it. Move on.
2006-10-07 19:09:43 · answer #10 · answered by tko43078 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is totally up to you. If hes abusive and violent when he drinks, then by all means get the hellout and sue him for divorce and everything you are legally entitled to. If you are able to deal with him, then what could all of us out here possibly tell you, except the choice is ultimately totally up to you
2006-10-07 19:14:00 · answer #11 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋