My marriage is in crisis, what should I do? walk away or carry on?

Question

7 years ago I got married. I am 40 my wife is 42, she has been married beofre but it was my first marriage. She seems to use me. 4 years ago she went on a cruise with her parents for 10 days leaving me at home then did it again last year.

Now her dog has died and so she has gone to stay with her parents for two nights. In times or trouble I turn to her but when she is troubled she turns to her parents.

She is using me. She lies to me and has stolen from a shop she wored at and had an official police warning but still I love her. My Aunt died and today I went to help my mum clear her house, on the way back from my Aunts today she calls me to say she is staying with her parents because she hates our house.

I don't know what to do, Are are women like this? I am losing faith in myself, what I have done and my trust in other people - I feel I should walk away but it is hard but she seems to abouse my trust and love. The easiest thing is to stay, the hardest thing is to leave.

Answer 1

only you can answer that question look deep within yourself good luck and all the best

Answer 2

U really need to decide what u want. First think carefully about all that has happened since u got married, the happy and sad times. See if the sad times outnumber the happy times. Then if u remember more good times, sit ur wife down and talk to her. it's about time u became the man in this relationship. Tell her what u're tired of and ask if she's happy with the way things are. She's probably as confused as u, so she keeps running to the security and constance of her parents. U can both decide whether to go for counselling or not. That will help u get close again. And ask the counsellor to give u tips to rebuild or spice up ur marriage. Maybe the problem is just that u've grown far apart and have developed new interests, which should not be too hard to solve. If all those do not work, then it might be better to move on. But try all ways u can think of to solve the problem before u give up, so at least u'll know u gave it ur best shot.

Besides, don't let the shortcomings of another human reduce ur own self-esteem. Stay strong, u have the rest of ur life ahead. Think of new beginings.

Answer 3

Hmm, on first reading your question I thought perhaps your wife is turning to her parents rather than you because she still had trust issues from her first marriage. Were her parents there for her when she felt abandoned? Anyway the thing is there are clearly issues that are affecting your marriage, the only hope for the relationship is to address these issues. This means talking and perhaps counselling.

You say the easiest thing would be to stay, is this because there is a lot about the relationship that is good and you are hoping that these issues will go away? Or is it just the hope that she will love you in the way love her/want to be loved? The hardest thing is to leave because you are taking all the uncertainty and insecurity of the relationship back out into the world. It is scary and it hurts but you can do it.

You are right about the need for you to make a decision, however if you don't speak to her about this, the decision must be based on the assumption that her behaviour will not change. If you speak with her you can make the decisions of the future of your relationship together. Good luck. I hope it works out for the best.

Answer 4

1. Your wife probably have issue with her last relationship. Try to ask her about her last marriage and how did that go wrong?

2. You sure she is at her parent house? She is either cheating on you or probably just have issue. Make sure you don't accuse her. Talk to her until you get to the bottom line.

3. I know it's hard to leave someone you love. But if she is cheating on you, I think it's not worth staying with her.

But I really encourage you to make a romantic dinner for her and try to talk her about what is going on in your marriage right now. Ask her what is it that she wants? and how does she feel about the marriage right now? Do she have some kind of issue or problem?

Try to think back to when you first got married was she this way? How is she now that's different from when you first got together? When did this problem began? What had happen before the problem or issue that had occurred?

Answer 5

That is something for you to decide. Whenever you are in a situation with a tough situation, weigh the pros and cons and cut your losses on either side. You have to decide if you remain is it going to be worth the long haul? It is for better or for worse in marriage, but if you feel if it's more worse than better, than just separate, don't get divorced until you decide what you want to do from there. No, not all women are like that. God is giving you a barrier and you have to deal with it one way or another. You can't go around it. And she's spending a lot of time at her parent's house... I think that is a cover up. How come you never go with her to the parent's home, and why can't she sit down and discuss it with you? That is a red flag... If she can't talk to you about anything and is running allegedly to her parent's house then something is not right. Do what is best for you and that will make you happy in the long run.

Answer 6

It seems to me that she cares more for her family than you. I was married for fifteen years and the same thing happened she cared more for her family than me. So i ended it . Ask yourself what happened in the first marriage ! If there is no love in any marriage or trust then your wasting time. Your answer is right in front of you ..She says she hates your house so you could either go to counseling if your both willing to save the marriage or go your own way. I know it's hard to leave and believe me it hurts and takes a while for the hurt to go away but sometimes your better off . Think real hard and sit down and talk with her and go from there . That's the best advice i can give ,good luck!!

Answer 7

Firstly, i would like to say, i feel for you in this situation.........i believe that in any relationship, wether you are married or just dating, you should discuss everything {no secrets} together, and do most things together. A major holiday like a ten day cruise, is something that you should have shared together as a couple, why were you not invited to go? Quite frankly, it seems to me that her parents are too involved in your relationship, and need to back off. Instead of running back to her parents all the time, she should deal with things with you. I would question why she is using excuses to vacate herself from you and the house at every opportunity. If she really needs to be with her family all the time, why cant you go with her?.
As for her stealing....can she really be trusted again....she has let herself and you down on this one.
You say that your Aunt has just died.....did your wife give you any support.....if not then i would question wether she would actually be there for you in the future.
As for saying she is staying with her parents, because she hates your house.....that is another excuse.
Do you think she could be having an affair?
Hard as it may seem, this woman is making a "mug" out of you, and you need somehow to get some self respect back in to yourself. Not all woman are like this, there are lots of genuine woman out there who will give you the love and respect that you deserve.
I wish you all the best, and hope things work out possitively for you......good luck.

Answer 8

Sounds like shes cheating on you. Shes going over to her parents because "She hates her house" If she hated it so much, change it or move. Don't lose faith in yourself, you've done nothing wrong but that wife of your on the other hand seems unfaithful. Why didn't her first marriage work out? Maybe that was her true love, and you were sadly just the next best thing. Check up on her, call her parents house and check if she is really staying there. Or is she actually out having an affair?

Answer 9

if she hates your house suggest looking or buying into a property, if she declines then you know that it is just an excuse. if she agrees then make sure it is 50/50 has in paperwork and joint names so she can`t just get a new house out of you, she might be feeling like to much bad stuff has happened in that one house.
maybe she feels like you are not there for her 100%, her first marriage was a disaster otherwise she would not have married you! maybe she gets more support from her mum and doesn`t actually realise you want to help and listen when she is in need has most blokes don`t. tell her how you feel and how she is upsetting you by turning to her parents, tell her you are there for her physically and emotionally over any problem she may have. a problem shared is a problem halved is the saying that springs to mind. good luck hope this helps.

Answer 10

Sometimes, letting go seems like the easiest thing to do. But think about this: you've invested so much of your time and energy into another person; you've made a solemn promise; and you still know there's love, even if it's hiding underneath the surface. This website will show you how to save a marriage and avoid divorce, even if you're the only one trying https://tr.im/CjR6l

Answer 11

Personally, I would say it should be just the opposite. It would be harder to stay and put up with what you know is going to continue. It would be scarier but definitely easier to leave knowing this mental game has ended and anything would definitely be better then what you just left. Not all woman are like this. Is this also why her first marriage ended? It sounds like she needs to grow up abit and become a woman instead of a little girl afraid of leaving mommie and daddy totally. Its fine for a teenager but if she is old enough to get married then shes old enough to commit herself totally to her marriage and her man. It sounds like you could do so much better than her. Its hard to leave what you thought was going to be for life, but its much harder staying and not knowing what tomorrow will bring. The biggest question Id be asking myself would be what happens when mom and dad are gone? Time to move on and good luck