Grieving and coping with stress?

Question

Lost my mum rather unexpectedly and prematurely a few weeks ago. This comes after I had had a particularly stressful year (on other grounds).
I find I am coping generally well, and common sense is guiding me to protect myself. However, I would welcome any practical advice, including a description of the grieving phases to expect and possible ways to deal with them. Many thanks.

Answer 1

It is the mind that makes the body, so if you are feeling stressful, look around and see if there is really something you can change or control in the situation.
If you can't fight what's bothering you, and you can't flee from it, flow with it and try to use it in a productive way. Give yourself messages as to how well you can cope rather than how horrible everything is going to be. Stress can actually help memory, provided it is short term and not too severe. Selectively change the way you react, but not too much at a time.Focus on one troublesome thing and manage your reactions to it. Reduce the number of events going on in your life and you may reduce the circuit workload. Do something for others to help get your mind off yourself. Get enough sleep and work off stress through physical activity. Laughter can also get rid of stress just as much as exercise. Rent movies with a comedy theme.
Overall, don't let it get on top of your life.I hope you will benefit from some of these tips.

Answer 2

I could tell you the psychologically phases of grief and the like you can google that. What you cannot google is someone telling you your doing ok with how your coping right now. I feel this is what your looking for an affirmation to say yes your doing ok your in the right place. I cannot give you this with just the information here. I could not have gotton thru what I went thru without God. Not to say that there arn't things and teniques like breathing and visualization and the like that can deal with the physcal symptoms of depression and anxiety but everyone deals with them so differently. Have you read the story of Corrie Ten Boom? A holocaust survivor with a positive attitude... then you can go to the obituaries... a 18 year old with everything commits sucide. Why does this happen? I think it's how you choose to view things. Some cope well some do not. The adapters survive. I like also the quote from the Shawshank redemption..." Get busy living or get busy dying" The bottom line is if your mom was alive now watching you she would want you to live life to the fullest and enjoy it so you honour her by doing so. I speak this both as a daughter and a mother.

Answer 3

I am so sorry you lost your mom. I think losing a parent even as a adult yourself is a very hard loss in my opinion. Especially if it is tragic or unexpected. I lost my father to suicide and it was very hard for me and still is.

DENIAL
ANGER
BARGAINING
DEPRESSION
ACCEPTANCE

Expect to feel okay sometimes and horrible other times. Expect to be supprised by your feelings and to have things trigger you that you do not expect. Be around friends and family that are very loving and accepting and you can just be yourself around. If you cry then you do. I did not cry at first, but then I did later and was very fragile. Just be easy on yourself. Try not to make up rules for yourself. Just go with the flow of your grief. Get some counselling at least a little. It really helps. Have an open door if you need more. Years later I needed more grief conseling and again I had a relapse and needed more one more session because I was held back information.

If you have a faith in your life you might want to use it to help you through it even if it has been a long time.

Answer 4

I am really sorry. I lost my dad very suddenly and early too 3 years ago, and amid the most stressful period of my life.
You have to make sure you make time to grieve cos I got so fed up of the procession of the broken hearted - you know the people who didn't know the person that well bawling all over me, that I became very stiff upper lip. As my stresses continued it was 2 years after putting a brave face on it that I found myself crying at everything, and it took me 6 months to pull myself out of it.
You have to accept you will feel angry that she died suddenly - why do they leave just when you need them most? You also have to live with it if you never got to say goodbye - what would you do for just one more word? You are bound to feel upset and be crying at times and this is good. Let it out, talk about her still. The worst part was feeling happy again for me, cos I felt guilty as if I should never be happy again.
In the end you reach a point where you can think of them and laugh about memories and have a cry and still feel in control of your emotions.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to hear about the death of your mom. This is a really hard time for you and no one can comfort you in the way you need right now. Friends and family try very hard to help you adjust to this loss, but only time will ease the pain. Even years from now, at the most unexpected moments, memories will come flooding back to you and you may find yourself crying again. I pray that God will continue to give you the strength you need to go through this, but you will find peace again when the time is right. Everyone grieves in his or her own way and some people seem just fine faster than others. Please take care of yourself and know that there remains many people in your life who love you and want you to be happy. In the meantime, I personally wish you peace in the midst of your sorrow.

Answer 6

The definitive and initial work in the field is Dr. Kubler-Ross, Death and Dying. I encourage you to check it out.
Articles abound on line and local hospice has sessions. My wife attended two and found them helpful.
1) Grief stages come in different order at different times with different intensity for each person.
2) Anger, guilt, numbness are three of the hardest stages for most people to work through.
3) A support person/group where you can scream/cry can be very helpful.
4) You are already on the way by recognizing that grief is a process which you WILL work through.
I am sorry about your loss.

Answer 7

My dear I am so sorry for the loss of your Mum.

Nothing anyone will say...really will be that one thing we look for .


I also know the loss of a Mum, and for each one of us...it is very different...so you really must first of all make sure....you are looking after yourself.
If you can not eat, then take suppliment's..o.k......If you believe as I do in God.plenty of time to pray for a heart that needs peace.
Thats a must.
Grieving....is a step-by-step thing, and it will take time.
Please use Google on the internet...look up grieving, as there are some great info sites.....I want you to rememeber, it is different for each person...so what to expect, is a hard one to answer.
Talking about your Mum is important, to friends and family.
Do not try and be strong! thats a mistake, so when you want to cry..please do so.
Try not to go-it-alone-all the time, and talk as I said before to others.....and I am sending you girl...HUGE HUGS OOOO

Answer 8

my condolences
this is a sad and unhappy time which will last for approx 3-12 months and the rest of your life,but you need to talk to people ,friends /strangers whoever ,the more you talk to people the less the hurt as each time the hurt you feel and the anger for your mum being taken will diminishvery slightly .
but you will always remember her ,as something you see or maybe do will remind you of her , and you will begin to smile and laugh at the thought , instead of crying. i lost my father who i didn't get on with 20 years ago and somethings that remind me of him still make me choke up even after all this time.
talking and time are great healers
if you want to talk,you are more than welcome to e-mail me as i am a good listener. i hope this helps
god bless and take care

Answer 9

well i as well lost a parent very suddenly but at a younger age .. my father had died .. what i went through was denile, and waiting for him to come back of course that was because of my age .. and then realization some years later that well hes never coming back and that life is hard and i have to make my self stronger for it .. i did go through a episode of depression but im a very sensible person and over came the tragiteys of it .. its painful but you learn from it and use it as a life expericence and become stronger for it ..
you may also put your self in a box and make it extrememly hard to let people in . not intentionly just because .. it happens and because of your lose you dont want to become hurt or lose the people u think are close to you..

Answer 10

I found myself being brave for the sake of other people. When they showed concern, I was always reassuring them that I was OK. It was not the right thing to do.

Don't behave how you think other people would like you to.

Don't be afraid or embarrassed to laugh, cry, talk about mum, the good times the bad times.

Celebrate your mum's life, instead of her death.