Now im a completely clean guy....AKA Straight Edge....I dont believe in alchahol, drugs, or casual sex.....my Girlfriend who I love to death was on a ton of drugs and was an alchaholic in 7th and 8th grade and has had 5 BF's and one she had sex with...I know she has changed and will never do it again......but whenever im not with her, the image of her with 5 different guys and especially the 1 guy she had sex with just depresses me alot.....it angers me, makes me jealous and makes me sad, she said she would change the past if she could and I do believe that.....the fact that she can talk about stuff with a big wealth of knowledge about stuff I hate bothers me.....Ive gotten over the Drugs and Alchahol part.......but her being with the other guys puts horrible images in my mind and I hate it....I told her all of this over the phone one night and she said "Im sorry..." and started crying.....I felt bad after that but also felt i needed to get it out.
Is there anything I can do?
2006-10-07 09:17:12 · 27 answers · asked by Taker1087 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The sad part is that much of that past may be fiction. I don't know what it is about younger girls that makes them think it's cool to spout wild tales of whoa, but they all seem to do it these days...just try to pick out the best form of truth you can...you didn't do anything wrong by being repulsed by her "stories" and you shouldn't feel bad abut sharing your feelings with her about the 'tales' she has spun for you...She should understand that if they are true...they are not something to be proud of and that you have genuine concerns and if they aren't true...she deserves that look of pity that you give her because she was pathetic enough to plant those seeds in your mind. Her past should have nothing to do with the relationship the two of you have now, but if she is still in contact with the guys from her past, you should end your relationship with her...protect yourself. Best wishes to you.
2006-10-07 09:30:31 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men wish that they were the only one in a female's life.
After all being a virgin before getting married used to be the in thing that females would do to please the men and be accepted.
Although she has a past (which most people do) she is apart of your present life.
You may have found the need to blurt out that you are troubled by her past, but she laid her character on the line, by sharing with you.
She is well aware, that you could very well dump her, because she knows that you have not walked the kind of path she did.
She needs to know if you will accept her for who she is, including her past, without treating her in a way that will be hurtful.
It is possible she regrets her own actions, and see's in you what she wishing for herself.
You need to understand that you can love her better then the rest. That you have that option with her, not the other men from her past. Right now the ball is in your court.
She can only hope.
You on the other hand, can throw the ball, or gentle feel what it is really like to hold it without wanting to crush it within your hands. And you may not have had a past like hers, but your present thinking does not make you any better a person then her past.
So, is she lucky that she found you now? Or will you make her regret it?
You have to start thinking different.
You are what you eat....you are what you think !
Think good thoughts...work at it. Fight your other thoughts and work at thinking good ones. Start to work at being confident about what you can provide for her and rise above all these other men that were in her life.
2006-10-07 16:45:44 · answer #2 · answered by sweetcitywoman2002 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your girlfriend has truly changed and you believe that, then you need to trust her completly. I understand that you needed to get it out, however, if your girlfriend started to cry when you brought it up, doesn't that show you that she is ashamed of her past actions, and at no way is it possible for her to change that. The most important thing here is that she did change. Don't make her re-live it cause you cannot get over it. Find a way, or you could possibly loose her over this. She has made mistakes in her life, and you may not understand how or why, but there is nothing that can be done now, except for her to learn from past mistakes and look forward and for you to except them. Bottom line is if you do truly love her, you will find a way of getting over it yourself. Like I said, if she is clean and straight now, and you know this for sure, then do her a favor and get over it. She's made a change, and it sounds like it was a hard one to do.
2006-10-07 16:34:00 · answer #3 · answered by mansyroot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you love her? People do make mistakes and obviously she did and realizes it. It is going to take time for you not to think about the other guys. You said you have gotten over the drugs and alcohol issues, you will get over the other guy issues. I don't think you two should talk about it any more, probably nothing more needs to be said at this time, and re-living the past isn't good for her. At least she feels bad for what she did and that is a good thing, and it was probably hard for her to admit that. It sounds as if she really likes you and wants to make a fresh start. Good luck!
2006-10-07 16:22:56 · answer #4 · answered by kutiebabydoll 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's good that you got all of that off of your chest. The thing that worries me is that your living in the past! Why would you worry about something like that if your the one with her now?
She cried on the phone when she knew it hurt you. Should that not be a sign of love? She's right she can not do anything to take the past back! It's impossible. All she can improve is the future she has in store for you which is the great part. Forget about the past and forgive. You can't live on the past forever. It'll kill you inside. Why are you doing that to your self and most of all why would you want that to hurt her if she knows that she has made mistakes. You loved her when you didn't know about that why would you care now? Don't do that ! There is a lot of females out there that will lie to you about their past. You want her to feel at ease with talking to you about anything! If you keep throwing the past in her face she just might be liable to hide and start lieing to you about her past. It's the hard things in life that us humans all go through in life that make us learn from our past. She loves you now, not the other people she has been with. It's you and her against the world now! If you really cared about this girl you wouldn't care about what has happened in the past it's the person who she is today that make you love her. I guarantee that the past was a learning experience for her and made her that much of a better person no matter what.
Seems like you really care about her! Take this advice your only hurting her feelings too!
It's you and her now no one else!
2006-10-07 16:31:54 · answer #5 · answered by hahnleticia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I am a prude myself. I didn't have sex before I was married, I never smoked, never did drugs and only have the occasional alcoholic beverage, which I don't care if I have or not and I wish there were more people like me out there; however, having said that I must play the Devil's Advocate.
You do not have to be with this person if you don't want to be so if you are going to be with her, you have to get over her past. She didn't have to tell you about it but she did. Don't judge her, it is not your place to judge her.
Maybe you have not done all those things that she did but are you sure that your life has been all that perfect? Maybe there is something in your past that she would have a hard time with, such as judging her or others.
You can change your attitude towards her past but she can not change her past so if you care about her, find a way to let it go. People do the best they can and it sounds like this girl is trying to turn her life around so help her out, don't make her go back to her old ways.
You said you needed to let it out and now you have so try to get on with your life and treat her with the respect that all people deserve or get out of the relationship if you can not.
It is to her credit that she has only had sex with one person, these days it seems to be a contest to see how many guys a girl can sleep with so consider yourself lucky that she has only been with the one.
As for dating other guys, would you prefer that she had stayed at home in her room by herself and never enjoyed a social life? What is the difference if she went out with a guy or a girlfriend? Did you stay home before you met her?
I just went out and read some other answers and feel compelled to comment on one. The person who said young girls lie about their pasts. That is just plain stupid in this case. I'm sure your girlfriend would not lie to you when she knows how important it is to you and about leaving her if she has contact with any of the guys from her past. Again that is stupid. If they live in the same town as you, she will have some sort of contact with them, that doesn't mean that she can party with them but you can't leave her if she talks to them.
One word of advice, find a way to deal with this and get past it and then never ever bring it up again. If you can't forget, at least forgive and never ever accuse her of such things in the future unless it is a known fact and that is when you call it quits. In the mean time stand by her and protect and defend her from anything and anyone who tries to harm her.
2006-10-07 16:32:10 · answer #6 · answered by nellie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old are you.... that is young to be alcoholic.
She has a past, you either except it or you will have to move on.
She cant go back and change anything. All she can do is move
forward, and hopefully find a guy that will love her, for everything
she was and is now. The problem is not her past , but if you can
get pasted it.
Good luck
2006-10-07 16:30:01 · answer #7 · answered by wHaT eVeR 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can stop letting your own self doubts and insecurities get in the way of your life...that would be a start.
Your girlfriend was right...she can not change the past...but she can, and will find someone who will not be constantly bringing it up, and hurting her with it. If you can not be that guy, then she will find someone who can be.
You have to remember, she is still growing, and learning...and doing her life, in her own way...If you have other ideas, try them on your own life...that's why we all have one...so we can each live our own...there is no time to be running someone elses life for them. If you do not have enough trust and respect for her to give her achance, and her own space, then you won't be around long.
So, cowboy up about anything that may not meet your fondest wishes...buy her some flowers, and ask her to forgive you...then, never do it again.
2006-10-07 16:30:30 · answer #8 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There isn't anything that you can do but except that the past is the past. She WAS that way not is and that's all that should matter. Love her now and let that all go. Don't focus on what can be but what is. Making her feel bad about her past won't make your relationship any better too. Have fun with what you have and be with her as a support.
2006-10-07 16:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by sexylilgirl_idealmgf 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this exact same thing about three years ago. I'm sorry to say that i sort of let the jelousy take hold of me and...well...I don't want to talk about that. I'm just gonna say that we're no longer together and I lost the person I cared the most for in the world.
If you really care for her, drop the jealousy and pride. The past is the past and peple learn from their mistakes.
2006-10-07 16:30:57 · answer #10 · answered by Deathgrip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋