He raped & beat her constantly, saying she caused it! She found courage & left but ended up in a similar situation which she also managed to leave. She fought her demons with counselling & became a happy, confident woman with a good life. Ten years ago, she married again. This man provides for her & their children & is a 'decent, non-violent' man except he needs alcohol everyday. Usually, its a few cans of beer which is fine, but every few weeks he verbally 'turns' on her. She confronts him when he's sober but it doesnt help & all her old terrors have returned. She has flashbacks & becomes childlike but knows if he finds out, he'll get more aggressive with her. She hides her emotions & doesnt want a divorce as she feels a failure again. How do I help her? She has fought back from terror so many times, it breaks my heart seeing her suffering after making her life a success. He'll never stop drinking so is divorce her only option? Is it possible to end her lifelong memories of abuse?
2006-10-07 08:39:23 · 12 answers · asked by Pixxxie 4 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Abuse scars for life you try to put it behind you then suddenly it rears it ugly head again. It's hard but you just have to keep trying, and if you have a friend to support you, that's great so just be there, divorce etc must be her decision.
2006-10-07 08:50:45 · answer #1 · answered by angelcake 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes of course she can over come it. First she needs to realize the pattern she has developed here. Perhaps seek some more counseling and get away from the alcoholic. Find out how to love and trust herself, alone. Find out that she is worthy of a decent man in her life that is not abusive. Verbal abuse is abusive. Not all men are abusive, there are a few good men in this world. However, she should seek some more counseling and work on herself and you are right she can not stop this man from drinking and my guess is that he is already verbally abusive and it will only escalate and get worse each time. she needs to get away. And learn to trust herself and love herself. Tell her to call the national domestic violence hot line, they will give her the number that is local to her area. Leaving this situation does not make her a failure, staying may be the end of her life. the number is 1-800-799-7233 or 1-800-799-SAFE. Many offer assistance in getting away, counseling at low or no cost and referral services. Good luck and God Bless
2006-10-07 08:52:41 · answer #2 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds as if you are already doing a lot by being there for her. However she must be persuaded to get help . A child who has been abused is handed a life sentence, but this does not mean that she cannot be helped to regain some self worth and confidence. The first step maybe to talk to her doctor the practise may have a counselling service, if not he or she may point her in the direction of a service that could help. For the sake of her children she must get herself out of this relationship, this man is reinforcing. her low self esteem.
2006-10-07 10:11:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your friend is in immediate physical danger, tell her to get away immediately. You can tell her there is a program called Al-Anon for her. It is a fellowship for friends and family of alcoholics. In it, we look inwardly and follow the 12 steps ourselves.
Divorce *may* be an option, but she has to decide that for herself. She cannot get away from the childhood memories, because you can't erase the past, but she can learn from it, if she chooses to.
Unfortunately, there is nothing much you can do for her except help her find a "safe" place if she is in an abusive situation.
2006-10-07 08:52:48 · answer #4 · answered by i_sivan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This woman must live alone from now on.
She has to face her demons with the strength of the adulthood.
chewing the past is a sickness of the mind, and in our societies, psychiatrists and lawmakers have made people dependent on them to make them feel supported and adulated in what the past has done to them.
She has to once for all stand up and say: enough with my chidish fears. I have to survive strong and clear minded, and be a bit agressive. She needs to practise a violent sport like boxing, squash, kickboxing... etc... and kick someone in the *** (her current husband!!).
2006-10-07 08:49:53 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Dragon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, i feel for her, i couldnt ever imagine what it would be like to be in her position, and it a shame that she is there now! maybe she should tell him, tell it to him as it is, if he doesn't understand then he means nothing, no-one should be treated like this, and a little understanding goes a long way! if she's not able to tell him, then what is she doing there? relationships should be open enough to share previous experiences, emotions and feelings......
As a friend, keep talking to her, let her tell you how she feels, and maybe it will give her the confidence to stand up to him, and to herself, she doesn't deserve the treatment she recieves.
she needs to be strong, and willing to stand up to it! be strong for her if u need to, and be honest with her to... the truth may hurt, but it's the only way..
good luck with supporting ur friend, and i hope that she does do the right thing for her sake, mainly... x x
2006-10-07 08:57:07 · answer #6 · answered by storm.minx 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First and foremost she would be best to go to a shelter for battered and abused women, secondly your friend could use a 12 step program such as Co-dependants anonymous. A good start would be for her to pick up the book called Co-dependent no more. She will have to learn to forgive herself for what has happened in her life as it was not her fault.
2006-10-07 08:50:04 · answer #7 · answered by phjamo2021 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think he should get into AA. I think family an individual counseling would be great too. If he can sober up and/or learn not to be so verbally abusive they might be able to make it work
2006-10-07 08:50:03 · answer #8 · answered by Emily 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would think you just need to be there for her, dont give her protracted advice or try to tell her what to do, just make sure as any good friend would that you are there for her whatever her decision is and that you will support her and help her in any way that you can. She needs to come to these decisions herself not be bombarded with other peoples opinions on matters. Just give her time and make sure she knows you are there, whatever happens.
2006-10-08 00:01:47 · answer #9 · answered by cassie s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend needs to back for more counselling. It has obviously worked for her in the past. She needs to realise that she is worth so much more than this and I think she is very lucky to have a friend like you
2006-10-07 08:53:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋