Recently my grand son was misbehaving and my punishments,such as grounding, weren't helping the bad behavior, so my daughter suggested to let her husband, his stepdad, to set the punishment. Well, he set a pretty good one, he made him clean, have no friends over, and believe me, this child had to clean, something he's not too use to. I thought it was great, except i learned that since my son-in-law has had no real parenting experience, he did it in such a mean spirit. Yelled at my grandson the second he got home from school, critisized his work, and stayed mad at the child all day. This just broke my heart because disipline has to be done with love and in the right spirit. Do you think it's wrong for a step parent to disipline?
2006-10-07 06:43:45 · 9 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It's not wrong for a step parent to discipline. However, their method of discipline could be wrong. He had the right idea. He just needs to talk to the child in a calm manor and tell him why what he did was wrong & explain to him that there are consequences for his actions.
Have him watch episodes of Andy Griffith & Leave it to Beaver to learn how a parent talks to a child & gets their point across without yelling & screaming.
Yelling & screaming makes a child nervous, and makes them angry and want to rebel.
2006-10-07 06:53:08 · answer #1 · answered by Michelle *The Truth Hurts 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had a step-mother, but not until I was an adult. However, when my daughter was 5 I re-married and he was a strict disciplinarian. It was all wrong.
In my opinion it depends on the situation and especially on the age of the child, gender and length of time the step-parent has been in the mix. They have to earn the right it doesn't come with the marriage license. Until that right is earned, I think their input to the biological parent is needed but the actual administering must be done by the biological parent if they are around.
Tread carefully!!! And choose that step-parent even more carefully. The one I chose had no parenting experience either and he wound up being a pedophile. Too bad for all of us that I didn't do my homework before allowing him into our family.
You're right, any and ALL discepline must be administered in love. Berating a child, deminishing their self esteem etc. is counter-productive and it is abusive. Trust me, we have the t-shirt on this one.
2006-10-07 07:03:07 · answer #2 · answered by msho58147 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No I do not believe it is wrong for a step parent to disipline. However, as you stated "it must be done with love and in the right spirit." Sounds like your son-in-laws was a good lesson for you grandson but he needs a little help in his actions towards the your grandson when presenting the punishment to him. Maybe you, your daughter & son-in-law can sit down as adults and discuss what happened, how your grandson reacted, etc.
2006-10-07 06:48:36 · answer #3 · answered by ♥Me-Just Me♥ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a very sticky situation. I'm sure you're aware of the statistics regarding the abuse rate for stepfathers & mother's boyfriends. In my personal opinion, even many biological fathers are sadly lacking in appropriate and effective parenting skills. The men abuse and the womens' crime is allowing it to occur. What was your daughter's reaction to her husband's piss poor parenting attempt? It's got to be horrific to watch this sort of thing as a grandma - I just became a grandma a couple months ago, and I know I'd probably murder my son-in-law if he even looked wrong and my precious little grandbaby, but I wouldn't get the chance because my daughter would have already done the job. It's up to the mother to do the right thing. Of course, you can talk with her and hopefully help her. Good luck to you!
2006-10-07 06:51:11 · answer #4 · answered by zia269 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think it is wrong for a step-parent to discipline but it can not be in mean spirit. I'm a step parent(It's not easy). A child needs to be corrected and generally he/she is not going to want to be corrected by a step parent due to the fact that this is not his/her biological parent. Regardless of that if a child does something wrong in front of that parent then it needs to be corrected by that parent. As well if something is done right it needs to be acknowledged. Your daughter should have corrected the situation if she displayed it in front of her. If the behavior continues to get out of hand then the couple should work out a plan and present it to the child. In our family it work out well. Step parents are given a bad wrap give your son -n-law a chance. He is a human and humans make mistakes. It's no different than natural parents except step parents get it harder due to not being the original. Take care.
2006-10-07 07:07:01 · answer #5 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm a step mom to a 9 year previous female. She stated as me by using call and it is not a huge deal. I extremely have 2 toddlers of my very own that decision me mom. She does have a step father that she lives with and he or she calls him dad. This upsets my husband somewhat in simple terms by way of fact he isn't her father. The humorous element is -- I extremely have been round her on the grounds that she became 3 or so. So 6 years. The step dad has been interior the photograph for 2 years maybe. in simple terms humorous how that occurs yet i in my view do not care. she will call me what she needs and that i'm useful a style of names is B!!!
2016-11-26 23:06:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My kids have a step dad,and I heard him disciplining them one time in particular.He told my daughter to get her f...ing A** off of the couch and do the dishes.I just happened to walk in as he was saying this to her.I asked him who he thought he was talking to my daughter this way.He was not only shocked,but embarrased as well!I l Let him know if I ever heard him talk to anyone of my kids that way again,he would wish he didn't know me because him,and I were gonna take it out to the woods where my kids couldn't see it,and we would fight.I don't mind if my kids are disciplined by him but not the way he was going about it.I still ask my kids how he acts,everytime I talk to them.
2006-10-07 06:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by gibbyguys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well,if he was his real dad m sure these things would'nt have mattered as much as they are now,which is a very normal perception and mentality....
about the punishment,he over reacted a bit,he gave a perfect punishment but yelling and being upset the whole day is a bit too much!!
2006-10-07 06:53:47 · answer #8 · answered by country_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not wrong, but if the stepparent has no experience it can hurt more than help...
2006-10-07 06:45:40 · answer #9 · answered by maccrew6 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋