In constant sorrow...I need advice?

Question

I need advice from someone who is not going to give me the cliched comments or any kind of stupid, useless crap. I know that there has GOT TO be insightful people on this site.
All I do is wallow. I can't seem to get over my ex. She totally broke my heart. It was a break up (her choice), then we kind of got back together, then I got super depressed and started drinking too much and making out with random ppl, so I broke it off. It's been over a year, we talk on occasion, everytime she says that she loves me. I can't move on. I am so devoted to her, it's ridiculous. I need to know whether I'm being a moron, or whether there is such thing as true love. I think that she is the one for me, but whenever I wanna say that outloud I'm scared I'll jinx it. I know that it's stupid. But I need a little advice. Please?

I am sober now. I don't think too much or make out with random ppl n e more. That was just that summer.

I am 20, she is 20. We dated for three years. We first broke up b/c she cheated on me. I had such a messed up summer b/c I was trying to ignore my hurt, so I misplaced the energy into something that would hurt me, instead of something that would help me.

Also, I tried dating someone else. A girl who is SUPER nice and cares about me so much. She has been super supportive. So it is not as if I have no tried. I have!...I don't know.

Answer 1

Find you a man and forget about her

Answer 2

First love I assume? They can be hard to get over.

You have to take the time to look at this as objectively as possible. Do you miss her or do you miss the relationship that you once had and the security in it? It is entirely possible that the two of you are meant to be together, but it would require a certain maturity for both of you to put the past behind you and start over.

It isn't as easy as it sounds. You will probably need to take time to talk over the hurt that you caused each other and be willing to hear the anger and hurt of the other person. People hate being criticized, especially when it's this personal.

Don't worry about jinxing anything.:-) Superstitious nonsense.

If it is the security of the relationship that you miss, then you need to realize that you will not have that again until you give yourself permission to lay THIS relationship to rest and move on. Don't stick with it because it feels familiar- change can be a good thing.

In the end, only you and she can decide whether you were meant to be together or not. It will require honest-if not brtual- assesment on your parts.

Good luck with it, hon. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

SInce she still tells you she loves you and you miss her so much, I really cannot see the problem here? You are both miserable without each other, right? The next time she says she loves you tell her you love her back and then ask if she would like to try again. WHy did she break up in the first place. There is a critical missing piece of information here? I know of a woman who caught her soulmate of 15 years in bed with another woman and she did it because my friend didn't treat her well. Now when they see each other, 8 years later, it's hell for them both. They SHOULD be together, but aren't. And all because my friend will not forgive. Even though she was the reason the soulmate did what she did. Try one more time and see what happens and stay off the drink!

Answer 4

This is how I acted when I broke up with my first girlfriend. We dated for 3 years and i had such a connection to her. When we finally broke up it was devastating to both of us. We got back together a month later, but it was different, it was to secretive and just about the sex. I wanted so much to be back in the previous relationship and not in the present one that I started making out with random people to get her to break it off with me and move on.

The point of my story is, I still think about her every day. The hard part is that she will never be how she was during that relationship; just memories. I now know that I need to move on because it would be impossible to replace what I had; I just need to create a new relatonship that is good.

Answer 5

The response above me is SH!T, first of all.... Anyway, WHY were you so depressed after you got back with her? How old are you both? (Yes, these things matter). And how long were you both a couple? It also matters! Most people who "can't move on" CAN move on - they just don't believe that they can. If you think she's right for you, why on earth did you make out with other people and break up?? You need to seriously think about the things you say you want. Are you ready for what you want? A real relationship means growing together with another person and trying to weed out drama and screwing it up by making out with other people. Real love might seem real scary, but it's scarier knowing that you can't have her because you had it all and YOU messed it up. Another thing you need to know is that in this world there's more than just one person with whom you could fall for and be compatible with - it's just a matter of whom you meet and choose to stick with. If you want her - go get her and treat her RIGHT so she'll want to always be with you. If you still have any doubts, then you're not ready. Tell her you want her back. If she refuses, then tell her to stop saying she loves you, because it prevents you from moving on and it's unfair. Trust me - men are NOT the answer, nor will you even be interested if you're GAY!

Answer 6

Its like when a person die's: First your sad then mad then depressed. Your still in love with her and need to stop being her friend not in that way. Just distance yourself from her a lot. No phone calls , No pictures and No thinking about her.

If your dating someone now ..be with her totally . The EX needs to stay the ex.
I had the same problem with an ex. It did work for me.
Good luck honey!!

Answer 7

do what ur heart tells u. least u wldnt regret. or rather u get to choose btwn regreting for sumthg u hv done wrong or holds the regret for not doing somethg u odd to have for the rest of ur life. den u'll forever wonders abt the outcomes etc.

u can choose to stay rite whr u are, the so-called "safe zone" or u can move out of it and explore. to a bird that fly high and free in the open or to be a bird thats kept in the cage. ur choice girl. rmber the chances doesnt comes always but choices comes much more freely. now there's a chance for u 2 to be together? its a choice next to be made. yeah. good luck. anythg u might wana talk about, u can mail me. i'll be more than happy to listen and share my views. good luck! :)

Answer 8

It sounds like you really need to move on with your life. You are stuck in the same mode and you have no motivation. Because in reality even though you want to move on, you are comfortable in your sorrow. When your sorrow no longer feels comfortable you will move on. You are simply scared to get out there and try to move on because you cared so deeply about this person. This person is not for you. Do NOT be scared, life is for living and you will never have a successful relationship if you do not take care of yourself first. That means that if you do have a drinking problem, GET HELP! If you have a problem with depression, GET HELP!

Answer 9

You need to stop talking to your ex. COMPLETELY.

It has been a year, and obviously you cant move on while she is still around throwing your feelings into chaos.

So you need to just stop. Send her a letter or email saying that you think it would be best to part ways, and then just ignore her. When she calls, don't asnwer. When she emails, hit delete without even opening it. Change your IM screen name or block hers.

Only with time and space away from her will you be able to move on.

Answer 10

I can only explain it as an addiction. Find someone/something else to get deep over..Once someone breaks off a relationship for someone else it isn't easy to feel the same way anymore. Find some closure by thinking rationally and know yourself better.

Answer 11

I don't know what to tell you other than you need to find a way to move on. There are other people out there for you it's just a matter of when you will meet. Time is all that is in your favor. Easier said than done -- I know. It's so hard to get over someone that you love, but in time, you will be able to move on. Best wishes to you and keep your head up.