My husband got drunk or should I say beyond drunk last night. In our 18yrs of marriage I have suspected and there have been rumors of him cheating on me but never any proof. Well last night while he was drunk he was answering all kinds of questions from others and so I, acting like it was no big deal, asked him if he had ever had sex with anyone else while we've been married. And yes, I know it was wrong of me to take advantage of his impaired state, but I had to know. Anyway, he told me no and that I was his life and he would never do that to me. Just to let you know, he did confess up to some other stuff that he has always lied about. Do you think it was an honest answer, or could he still lie being so drunk.
2006-10-07 05:43:38 · 29 answers · asked by katydid 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did talk to him this morning and he didn't remember anything from last night...I told him the questions that I had asked him..some of the "other" questions I asked were about touching, kissing others, which in my book is cheating..he answered yes to me and his buddies, however this morning denied it. And I told me that I asked him about sex with others and that he told me no and he reaffirmed his answer and said that he loved me too much. I love my husband and yes there is some distrust on my part, not because of any proof, but because of his actions - out 3-4 nights a week with the guys, not taking me, found online "girlfriends" and email that he was hiding, etc.. I just don't want to throw away 18 yrs of marriage if its nothing. FYI - since finally getting him to listen to me, he no longer chats online, and he does include me more. My husband is not a drinker and he was trashed - kinda feel like it was the truth, just don't know - guess I just need to follow what my heart says
2006-10-07 06:16:38 · update #1
It's not lying but that his defense mechanism are down, so you have some dergree of truth
2006-10-07 05:44:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
I can be drunk and for all intents and purposes pretty much function normally to where you'd never know unless you smelled it on me. So I could easily lie, if I had such a propensity for such a thing (which I do NOT). When I was in college I use to do some of my best atomic physics work when I was buzzed. Most of the time it was with buddies 2 or 3 of us getting together and crankin' this stuff out.
BUT....if I'm gonna be in a circumstance where I can get a little tanked, that means I don't have to worry about driving, where I'll be sleeping, or whom I'm with. So I can 'let go', enjoy the buzz if I do partake in it, and THEN I am happy, fun, sweet and yes I do become quite honest. Most of it's good stuff tho. I have no secrets from my circle of people, so I enjoy that freedom.
Based on what you said I'd say that your husband was probably telling you the truth, but there is some doubt that you have to consider, which is this:
IF he is like me, the way I just described, where he can function with lucidity, and you asked him about cheating, he could have understood and then followed his answer of "no" with some other 'confessions' with which he may have felt you were baiting him with.
Does that make sense?
I'm rather non-typical, so he may not be this way, in which case you could consider his response(s) to be pretty truthful.
I sure hope his confessions weren't terrible or too hurtful to you. I'm curious tho....after he sobered up, did he remember you asking his this?
2006-10-07 06:02:42 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Typically alcohol drops down any "FILTER" in the brain.. sometimes it can bring out the truth, sometimes it can just drop the filter of what would stop someone from being brave, or mean, or outgoing.. depending on the persons personality It doesnt mean this is how he truely feels about you, but the alcohol makes him a "mean" drunk..it takes down the filter or wall that keeps him from actting this way when he's sober and can think logically. Some people are extremely shy but give them a few drinks suddenly they are a social butterfly. For you husband i dont think its the truth of how he's feeling about u , i think he could have anyone around him and he'd still be a mean drunk.. if anything your husband harbors alot of anger, and resentment inside of him and that could be from alot of different things, things from childhood or how he feels about his life, job, whatever.. and the anger comes out when he's drunk. I personally feel that if he's drinking that much that he cant control his drinking that u need to accept the offer of the house.. because he's aware that he's abusive when he's drunk and if that doesnt stop him from drinking then its best that u leave because he wont stop. Although between now and then id definately get a video of him when he's in that state so that when he is sober he can see what kind of idiot he acts like and maybe the realization of it might make him wake up but typically alcoholics dont care. Good luck
2016-03-18 06:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being drunk does lower inhibitions, but drunks aren't 100% accurate and honest. Belligerent, sappy, stupid, sure. Honest...I don't know. He may have just been saying what he *wanted* to be true. Alcohol isn't a truth serum.
And as far as him being impaired--he got himself that way, and people can do what they wish when he's in that state. Kinda like when people get raped and beaten while they're impaired--it doesn't mean it's their fault, but the impaired person certainly put him/herself in harm's way and he/she could have been more careful and therefore, safer.
About 70% of people in prison are there because of drugs or alcohol--selling, using, getting in wrecks while DUI, getting in fights, stealing to support their habit, killing people...these are nasty customers. Hope he mends his ways and doesn't have any more booze binges.
And if you have suspicions about him, even if they're untrue, you already have a problem. The idea that you can't trust him is already there. Hope he's not doing what you suspect he's doing, but if you have to get him drunk to communicate...you two aren't being 100% honest in your relationship. Seek therapy! I'm not even *in* a relationship, and I'm in individual therapy because I don't want to have to deal with all my problems with the added complication of a relationship. Too hard!
Good luck making the changes you need to make.
2006-10-07 05:53:04 · answer #4 · answered by SlowClap 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if being drunk is the way to find out the truth why do the governments use things like truth serums? trust me, if I am drunk you will hear only what I want you to hear and that definitely won't be the truth a lot of times.
2006-10-07 05:50:17 · answer #5 · answered by nidan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They say that its a truth serum, but I don't know, I think that its something good for you and your sanity that he did confess to some stuff that he's lied to you about for years. That doesn't mean that he has cheated on you either, if he can tell you drunk as he was that you are his life then try and go with it. I know its hard because you probably have more questions for him. I think that the fact that he lied to you though is huge, it is for me at least.
2006-10-07 06:05:15 · answer #6 · answered by Angela K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Drunkeness can bring out the truth, but in my experience it can also make people lie even more. Why don't you sit down and talk to him (sober) about the situation. I can imagine it'll be really hard, but it will be the only thing that will really put your mind at ease. Good Luck in whatever you decide to do with the situation.
2006-10-07 05:46:22 · answer #7 · answered by ♥Lolita♥ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People can lie while they're drunk.
But being drunk lowers people's inhibitions, so they're more likely to tell the truth about things they would otherwise be too scared to lie about.
So him telling you he was faithful while he was wasted is encouraging, but not a guarantee.
2006-10-07 05:49:39 · answer #8 · answered by stevejensen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The drinking always brings out the honesty in people and since he was beyond drunk... I think that maybe he is telling the truth.. he has no control over what he was saying?
2006-10-07 05:45:29 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its like truth serum sometimes.
You got your answer. Let it be.
And you might have asked if he ever fell in love with someone while he was married to you. Perhaps he did and did not act upon it.
You got a keeper here. Hang on to him and stop asking so many questions you might not really want to know. Jealousy will kill a marriage just a easily as a few girlfriends will.
2006-10-07 05:45:24 · answer #10 · answered by John16 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What alcohol makes to your mind is freeing from inhibitions, is not a magical tonic for any person to stop lying. If sober or 100% conscience is lying, alcohol won't stop him from lie. Alcohol won't make a liar an honest person.
If you trust him, find the right moment and ask him directly looking at his eyes.
If you do not trust him, what are you doing with him? Any way, hire a detective, but that's not the way out! Find inside yourself if you trust him or not.
2006-10-07 06:04:24 · answer #11 · answered by elrizo911 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋