I have a friend who is a male and we have coffee together from time to time but when I foundout that it wasn't okay with his wife then I refused to visit with him. I know that it wouldn't be a problem for my husband to have a female friend, as long as that was all that it was. I would really like some imput though from other people and findout how it is viewed by others. Do you think that it could be just a matter of trusting eachother?
2006-10-07 04:51:17 · 17 answers · asked by Newfiegirl 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
i think it is ok.... it is your friends wife who has insecurities and it is cool that you respect those insecurities enough to stop a friendship that was hurting another person. Is it possible that he has given her reason to be insecure?? Has he cheated on her? Or given her reason to think he has?
2006-10-07 04:55:44 · answer #1 · answered by hippiemommy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the relationship, on one hand, if they were your friends before you were married then that's one thing and if they also did not have a romantic relationship with you or your spouse. On the other hand, I wouldn't like my wife to make new male friends, just seems like that would diminish how I view the way she respects me, granted the situation could create an exception, like some one saves her from a car crash I would not be threatened by this type of an introduction. Flip side, if she had lunch with her friends and now she wants to hang out with the waiter, not gonna happen while married to me. If my spouse conveyed that she felt uncomfortable with me seeing anyone I would absolutely try to accommodate her wishes and so I expect the same...
2016-03-28 00:52:55 · answer #2 · answered by Michele 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I often hear this question when I am counseling married couples. Most of the couples where one or both of the partners have a friend of the opposite sex end up having an affair with him or her. Couples come to see me when the friendship they had "suddenly" went "too far" and has destroyed the marriage. Rarely, do I see anyone who starts off WANTING to have an affair. I am sure there are exceptions, of course.
Here is why:
Friendship is a desire that God gives a man or woman . Everyone one of us desires the company and emotional freedoms that come in fellowship with others. You are not wrong for wanting a friend. It is inborn.
Our society has cast off all sorts of restraints to make what would have been taboo a short time ago something that is normal now.
Modern "wisdom" says it's okay and you are mentally convinced of it (because of rationale), BUT something in your spirit produces doubt. This doubt is guilt which completely bypasses your argument and functions on a conscience level where you instinctively know right from wrong.
One may ask this question because somewhere one knows that one should find friends of the same gender but seeks to rationalize it.
It is not popular to say you should find female friends in a post- Feminine Mystique relativistic society but no matter how things change there are always things that won't. Ask my clients who are desperately trying to mend a marriage.
The issue here is not one of trust; learn that man deceives himself when he confides in self. Above all this is pride and doesn't leave room for human error/temptation which is inevitable.
If you were my client I would ask you to ask yourself the following:
Why am I seeking a relationship with a man that is based on common interests, mutual admiration and enjoyment outside of my marriage if this is one of the primary functions of marriage?
Remember, that intimacy begins in sharing. Is your husband around when you go out for coffee? Why not invite your husband out with you? Chances are you are probably discussing your husband with your friend and that would be better off done in the company of a married female friend.
And as to it being okay with you as a wife for your husband to have a female friend; Are you saying this so that when you want a friend you can point to him and say "You are doing it , too!"?
Kudos, though, on honoring the wishes of your friend's wife. I am glad you know to respect boundaries. I know so many women in your position who would have just kept seeing the guy and just to prove a point would "somehow" find themselves in bed with him to spite the wife.
2006-10-07 05:31:23 · answer #3 · answered by MrsGinAZ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Trust is like one of the main priorities in every relationship. Or is should be.Like my boyfriend says " My girl can dance with any boy, BUT there's just one thing, she's coming home with me !" it's trust. If his wife doesn't feel right with you being with her husband maybe you all should have coffee together. Just compramize (:
2006-10-07 04:55:08 · answer #4 · answered by sweetk1ssz 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Situations like that can sometimes lead to other things not meaning too so I say definitely not. Yes, trust is an issue.
2006-10-07 04:56:47 · answer #5 · answered by Lilybell 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it is okay but it is better to avoid close friendship because it can resulting in suspicion and when that come between a couple, then their relationship is doomed
2006-10-07 04:54:37 · answer #6 · answered by Mr Business 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as a teen it is ok but i think when it comes to marriage u have to let go of alot of things to keep strong with ur partner... unless the opposite sex friends are BOTH of yalls friends then it is ok :)
2006-10-07 04:59:30 · answer #7 · answered by â?¥CURiOUSâ?¥ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is how swinging Starts. At least that is what I think. But who Am I to Say. I'm not in that situation.
2006-10-07 04:55:04 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am a middle aged guy.
I have female friends. I let them set the boundary and I don't cross it.
2006-10-07 05:08:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
if u kno hes not into her like that then just let him...trust is key in all of this and if u trust each other there is no problem!
2006-10-07 04:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋