On last Monday my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me. We have a daughter who just turned 3 on Thursday and our anniversary was on the Sunday before he broke it off. On that last Saturday he was out with his friends for all night and his lips smelled like u know what... so, anyways, yesturday I dropped my daughter off at his grandmas house and he wasn't there to watch her while I was at work and she was actin crazy so I went to the bar I know he goes to (mind you this is 7:50 in the am) He was there and I was goin to ask him to get her but I walked in and saw him kissing this blonde icky girl! My heart broke, but not before I punch him several times... my question is... what should I do now? I have a beautiful daughter, but that turns guys away... I'm only 23... I feel like no one is ever going to love me. How could he dump 4 years of our lives and treat me like a dog~ I feel like I have been traded in for a better model.
2006-10-07 04:11:14 · 24 answers · asked by Prettyeyez 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Now his other daughter who is10 is calling me from his grandmas house because she want to see me. She is hurt because her dad didn't come home last night and she thinks he likes that girl and her son better than her. I said i would come get her because i will always love her... if he does this, i don't want him to see my kid! I try to tell him that he needs to think about is priorities and stop this with this girl for a min till things get figured out. he told me to stop calling, but I don't want my kid going over there and feeling sad that he isn't home. He also told his 10 year old that SHE is much prettier and funner than me. That hurt. He used to tell me I was beautiful, and that hurts so bad!
2006-10-08 05:13:29 · update #1
oh hun, i am so sorry. i know your heart is aching, and for that i am sorry. i am 25 and my child is 2 and 2 years ago, my sons father traded me in for heroin, and after being with him for 2 years of love making, and just happy times i found out he was using heroin, and i gave him the ultimatum and he chose drugs over me and our newborn child. i know it hurts, but i think you need to find someone who is reliable to watch your daughtor, and keep him out of your life and your daughtors for now. if he is going to a bar in the am. he has a problem. hit him where it hurts, hun.
2006-10-07 04:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by blondie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very hard if someone you love doesn't love you the way you expected. But it will not be the end of your world if he doesn't love you. If he is man enough and loves you the way you do, then he must have changed to a responsible husband, marry you.
Anyway, I suggest you just release those sadness to your mom or close friends. Just like you said, you are only 23, you still have a lot of things that you can do in your life. You have a beautiful daughter, imagine how would you raise her, isn't it great, isn't exciting? So, what I am saying here is just move on, think about your future and your daughter's future. Share those sadness so that it would be easier for you to release and be relieved. Ok? Don't say that no one is ever going to love you because there is someone out there that will love you forever. God bless!
2006-10-07 04:21:00 · answer #2 · answered by AskMeNot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all you will find love again you just didnt find the right man I mean he cheated on you and that just shows he doest respect you he was out w/ another woman instead of being with you. You are young you have a beautiful daughter as hard as it is go do fun mommy daughter stuff and forget about him. You should of punched her one to. I feel like my hubby wants someone else sometimes because he looks to much but if he ever cheated on me dont think i would stay me&the kids would be gone and It would take me a long time to get w/ someone else. I guess it was a good thing your not married to him because it would be more painful. I hope I helped.
2006-10-07 04:26:58 · answer #3 · answered by 2wild4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Here's what you should do. Have a wonderful life...without him in it. He will still be your daughter's Dad, and you will have to be civil with him, but sounds like he did you a favour. Guys like this one don't change. My son's father pulled a similar stunt when my son was a newborn, then again when my son was about 6 months, and again when he was 8 months....are you seeing it? I finally left him, but not before he freaked out on me and broke my nose because I had gotten his latest girlfriend fired (she happened to be an employee of a dear friend of mine LOL). Suck up your pride and keep your chin up. You haven't done anything wrong, and it sounds like he doesn't deserve you. Through the years he will probably realize that and feel pretty stupid when he does. By that time you will have out grown and out classed him so much that you will probably not want him anymore anyway. Just be sure to let him be a part of your daughter's life. This is now between him and her...you are only a part of what she needs to grow up. It's important to let your daughter make up her own mind about her daddy. His true colours will show, and kids are smart! Sounds like you still have the best part of him. My son is the only good thing his daddy ever did!! He is 20, and starts his military training in one week, he has a wonderful stepfather who loves him very much, and he cant' be bothered with his dad's headgames and crap anymore. The best revenge you can enjoy is to be happy.
2006-10-07 05:01:33 · answer #4 · answered by pickigirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Children do not turn quality guys away. First of all, take a reality check. You dont NEED a man to raise your daughter, just the child support he will have to pay you. Secondly, you are well rid of this cheater. and FINALLY, dont assign his characteristics on other men. That said, keep your focus on being a good mother and provider and taking care of you two. Try joining parents without Partners in your area, dont be in a rush to start a new relationship, enjoy being yourself and someone will be attracted to you as you are and it will be an honest relationship built on truth. The mistake most people make in a relationship is to try to alter themselves to please someone else and attract that person. That works for about 6 months but play-acting gets old and is not comfortable or honest. Just be yourself and you will be fine. 23 is young, there are tons of quality men. but if you focus on getting a man, you will get the same situation you just got out of. ... so, focus on you and your daughter and dont be quick to introduce sex into any new relationship. ... you dont need another child to add to your siingle mom status. And you want a man who will commit to a solid relationship, not another player.
kellygirl is correct, you were liberated ... (smile)
btw, i am a man, so I know!
2006-10-07 04:32:08 · answer #5 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look at it this way: You haven't been traded, you've been liberated, by a loser who didn't know a good thing when he had it.
Don't worry about him anymore. You concern yourself with yourself and your daughter. In time, you will meet someone who will accept you and your daughter. One tip: make an educated choice next time. Ask several questions of any prospective men. You don't have to tell them that you've been hurt in the past; that will come out later. You can ask how their relationship with their mother is, how their last relationship with a woman ended, stuff like that.
Make yourself and your daughter your #1 priority now. Obtain child support from her father, allow visitation so they can maintain a working relationship, and you'll be alright. Good luck.
2006-10-07 04:21:03 · answer #6 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The important part is that you are only 23 and your child is healthy. You need to toss his behind out and get on with your life. He was a bum who cheated on you and you know that was wrong. You deserve better. Once you get yourself together you will find someone else who knows how to respect, love, and honor you.
First get yourself together and over him. You need to work on yourself and your self-esteem. Take a class, join a gym, join an interest group. Just do something to improve yourself either mentally or physically. This will help you focus on getting over him. When you can look at yourself in the mirror and like the single woman you see, you will be ready for dating. Don't lower your standards to get a date. You are a special person and deserve only the best.
2006-10-07 04:20:00 · answer #7 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi "pretty Girl",
You sound sweet! Girl, sometimes we do need that wake up call when it comes to a GUY! Please don't let this be the end of the world, ok? There is alot of hope. Just be aware and 1st of all, get yourself and Dau. out of this mess! You both come FIRST.
Now, when you said that your Dau. was "reacting", it's cuz she can sense the tension BIG TIME! It's a sign that this could be trouble for her, SO, try to move in with a relative, if possible, and you both stay away from this guy until this ufortunate incident passes and then you can sort out what to do with your life-------AWAY from him! It won't be easy, but you're doing this for you and your kid, ok? so, know that this is the 1st step.
Also, get her some Counseling, even at 3, it IS ESSENTIAL! Kids have a way of thinking problems are their fault, and you want to avoid that, ok? so, Counseling will be necessary, for BOTH of you, even!
Your Dau. is very young,yet and it's good for her to have a good start or she will later on resent you and her Dad, so make this a committment.
This deal with your so-called bf, he is immature. He doesn't sound responsible, AT ALL! Have you had problems before with him and any issues regarding his acting not himself, or any arguments, or his ever staying out late before? (I feel there HAD to be at one time or others.)
now, the other thing is, I know it had to be a TOTAL shock to catch the guy red-handed! But, it's better that you found out NOW!
He blew your trust SKY HIGH, and maybe beyond repair, but it's up to you if you would want "couple's Counseling" and he HAS to want it too, for ANY kind of future with you.
If anything, stay strong because I'll bet he's gonna do the crawl back, feel "sorry-for-me" , "I love you" ROUTINE! (I know this one!!)
Anyway, just beware of the excuses and any whining he's gonna do.
You have to figure out if there is anything to "salvage", then go from there ok?
Please keep in thouch with this board.
And, don't worry, some day a man is going to love you when the time is right! Lady, you need your self-conf. back, so don't worry about the future, it will take care of you in time, ok?
Look out for you and your Dau. first, ok?
I'll be praying for you! Take care!
2006-10-07 05:04:50 · answer #8 · answered by julesrules 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry about your situation.
Been there done that. The only difference is I did not have any kids with the person and it was easier for me to leave.
The only thing you should stay focus on is your daughter. Leave him. You don't need no guy that goes to the bar at 7 am or any time. I know your going to find the right person later on when you leave this dude. Your too young for the stress he is giving you and your too smart to stay with him.
Do it for your daughter and for yourself. You don't need that looser.
Good luck
2006-10-07 04:57:13 · answer #9 · answered by Gucci S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guys suck sometimes and you have to realize that they do. You'll need some time to get over the situation, but it will get better. There is a guy that will love you and treat you right, just don't spend all your time looking for him. He'll come when the ime is right. And don't take the jerk back if he want you again... he might just do the same thing again.
2006-10-07 04:16:51 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Stop beating yourself up, and pulling yourself down, move on with your life gracefully, Forget him, do not do any thing like that again, let him go with what ever floozy he wants. and thank God he does not have to bring it home to you. You concentrate on your daughter, their is someone out their for you, Don't sell yourself short. But remember the next friend, take it slow, so you can get to know him, and learn his ways. Don't look back, only look forward, better things are in store for you!
2006-10-07 04:20:49 · answer #11 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋