TO AL Middle aged mariried woman with families?

Question

could you leave your husband and children for a guy 17yrs your junior..if you have already what motivated you to do this..my mum's ran of with a 23yr old and is divorcing my father and does not want us...is she having a mid life crisis or is this normal? she has just brought a new sports car aswell and she is a secretary and he is a builder

Answer 1

sounds like a mid life crisis, i would never go off and leave my children, i dont understand how anyone could

Answer 2

It might not be a mid-life crisis but a new stage to her life.

A door has opened and she sees her chance to have an exciting beginning. Your dad's a grownup and can look after himself-- if she and your dad don't get on anymore, she shouldn't receive a life sentence and be 'made' to stick around. Main concern is whether you (and your sibs if you've got any) are pretty much grown up now or whether you're still kids. If you're around your mid or late teens, then mum's not ducking out on her heavy responsibilities so she can do as she likes with her life.

If the builder turns out to be a mistake, well that's her mistake to make. But what if it turns out that they have a long future together? You may not agree with her, but it's not wise to mock her for her choices. Remember she spent the best part of several years wiping your dirty bottom morning noon and night, so she always deserves your respect.

Answer 3

Hello I am middle aged married and have a family and I would never leave my husband or childen for any man no matter what age. My reason is because I am very happy in my relationship with my husband we are able to talk,listen,laugh,cry and argue together. Even today he popped home just to bring me some flowers. Your mom may have been very unhappy in her realationship with your dad and someone has come along that as given her what may have been missing in her relationship with dad making her feel all happy loved up worshipped adored ect. If it helps relationships seldom work when based on all this the grass is not greener once honeymoon period over the real world will set in.
Please try not to worry support and love your dad as he will need you now and remember it is not your fault this has happened mom is just a little confused at the moment and trust me at this age we do get very confused and have hormones like teens all over the place.

Answer 4

Your mom has completely lost her mind and when she comes back to reality, she will see what she has done and the pain and the guilt and everything else that goes with it will EAT HER alive. I know what I'm talking about.. Wait until she finds out that this guy is not who she thought he was. She will live with regret for the rest of her life. She is being very selfish now, only thinkng about herself. She will wake up soon and when she does, she will think Oh dear God, what have I done. But then.... it will be too late. She will have lost all trust by your father and she will NEVER get back what she once had. I'm so sorry for you and your dad, I know the pain that your going through right now. Your mom feels like she has to do this. She wants happiness, she wants what she "thought" she was missing in life, in her marriage. She will see, maybe sooner than latter, that she had it all the time. The problem is, it will be too late then to save any of it.

Answer 5

As the mother of three nearly grown "children" and having started my family when I was very young, I sometimes wish I could just run away. Is it normal to wish that? I think so, but incredibly selfish to actually do so. Some people just don't have it in them to stick it out though, and you probably are not totally aware of what the marriage was like. She may have been unhappy in her marriage. You have to know that it isn't a case of your mom not wanting "you" but a case of her preferring to do what she wants. Sounds like she is a very selfish, and somewhat immature woman (especially if she is now enjoying the company of a 23 year old). Unfortunately you are caught in the middle of it and are paying the consequences for her selfish act. One benefit of this is that when you have a family of your own, you will be a better parent, and likely will never put your family through this turmoil.

Answer 6

It could be a mid-life crisis honey, but it could also be the one thing that your mom felt it took in order to leave your father.

Alot of people, and I mean alot, don't think it's wrong for an older gentelman to land him a younger gal, but it seems if a woman does it, she's having a mid-life crsis.

I'm sorry if you feel your mom abandoned you, but right now, she must have feelings inside of her that she doesn't think you kids would understand right now.

Try and be patient with your pain and un-satisfied answers right now.
Try and think how both your parents are towards each other. Was your mom NOT happy? Did your father cause any abuse, physically, mentally or emotionally?

If you can contact your mom, let her know that it's hurting you, but you need to have her tell you whats going on to help ease your pain!
Good Luck sweety!

Answer 7

It is a mid life crisis. Many men around that age do that too, don't they? But why does it look normal when they do it? It is normal for a woman also to feel her life is not interesting, and to want to do something when it is her last chance for fun. I am not saying I'd do it, but you have to understand. It is not that she doesn't want you, but perhaps she had you when she was too young and she feels she has things to experience. Keep in mind that this has nothing to do with you, she loves you and she always will. And she is the only mother you'll ever have, so don't take sides and break the bonds with her, she'll come around eventually and you still want your mother.

Answer 8

The boyfriend will soon find someone his own age and where will she be then, im sorry this has happened to you and your family, it must be mid life crisis or lust?

I hope you can all move on, good luck and most of all help your dad, deep down he will need the support even if he dosent show it.
I hope you find colour for the grey days.

Answer 9

I dun think i can do that. Maybe she IS going thr mid-life crisis, especially if she had kids young and missed out on life while her peers were happier being single.
She wont stay with this guy long. He is THE motivating factor for her to get out of the marriage. This is obviously something she has been thinking about for awhile, else she would not put herself out in themarket. NO happily married woman will fall for another guy if she is happy with her husband.
Deending on your age, i would say she might think that since you guys are bigger and more self-sufficient, it's time for her to move on - with her own life, pursuing her own happiness.

Answer 10

No I don't think I could but you have to keep the love alive in a marriage, and that means keeping the lines of communication open. My partner was married for 18 years to a lady who made him feel totally unloved and uncared for. No need to go into details, but their 15 year old son is furious with him for leaving and hasn't spoken to him for a year. So please keep talking to your mum, let her know how you feel but try not to yell at her, swear at her or accuse her of anything. Try not to judge her, but keep talking to her no matter what, and that way the possibility for her to return will still be there, if your dad does want her back. I find it hard to believe a 23 year old will keep her interested for long (or she him) and once the novelty has worn off she may end up feeling rather stupid and upset with herself. That's when she'll need all your kindness, forgiveness and understanding, whether your dad will have her back or not. Please remember that at 40, we are still subject to our feelings as you are in your teens - we still want to feel loved and valued. I don't know why your mum left your dad - but maybe there's more to it than you know. Even if this thing with the 23 year old doesn't last, your mum may still have no interest in returning to your dad. If so, you will need to accept that she has a right to live her life in the way that will make her happy. It would be tragic to waste years in a miserable marriage and end up at her 40th wedding anniversary regretting that she didn't take steps to end the marriage while she still had time to find happiness with someone else.

Answer 11

I don't care how bad a relationship or how much you regret any aspects of your life you should never leave your kids unless they are old enough to look after themselves. Not mums anyway as they are the ones who should look after you and be there for you. I know marriages fall apart and I am not saying dads should not leave as sometimes its better to be apart and happy than together and miserable but mums should always be there and part of being a mum is being unselfish.