I am a straight female. Half the time I attract straight men and half the time I attract gay (or perhaps even bisexual) men. Sometimes, I couldn't readily tell if I was going out with someone who is straight or gay, until much later when I have developed feelings for the guy already. The problem is that, when he is in fact gay, we just end up breaking up and of course, that's rather painful.
So I was wondering if it was okay to find out from the beginning and ask the guy this question. Would it be considered rude if I did so?
2006-10-07 00:55:40 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
I would think that there is nothing wrong with asking as long as you are having serious feelings for the man. However you must take into consideration that because he is dating you, he very likely has not accepted his homosexuality to himself yet, and will then find it necessary to deny it to you. But, having said that, he will likely not feel safe trying to hide it from you and will likely break up the relationship anyway.
If he is definetly heterosexual, and he has true sincere feelings for you, he will appreciate your concerns and not take offense. If he is offended to the point of breaking up with you, he wasn't worth keeping in the first place.
It doesn't hurt to be sure. In this day and age, it can be discussed more openly. Beleive me - I know from experience,
Back in the 50s, I knew I had strange feelings towards men, however homosexuality was never discussed at home nor in school. When I was 21, I was dating a wonderful girl. I was convinced I was in love with her and probably deep down, I thought the attraction to men would stop. We got married and 22 years and 4 kids later the attraction to men not only did not go away, but intensified. Of course the marriage ended in divorce.
To-day, neither partner should ever have to be put through such a traumatic experience, so don't hesitate to ask in advance. Beleive me, it's better to take the risk now of perhaps offending him, than ruining both your lives for years to come.
2006-10-07 02:18:30 · answer #1 · answered by roqofages 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
In the early stage of dating you might not get a true answer. Some people are under a lot peer pressure to appear straight and are very nervous about coming out of the closest. That doesn't help you I know. Maybe there is a way that you can hold back from investing too much emotionally until you are sure that the guy is right for you. Again, that's not an easy task but you are talking here about protecting yourself from getting hurt and this is just one other way. God says, protect your heart first and then move on from there.
2006-10-07 08:01:59 · answer #2 · answered by God 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Will that would seem to be OK because the reason for dating is to get to know someone so you can develop a relationship! So I would ask! Do not think your being rude either because if he is not telling you he is gay and he is leading you on then he is the one that is being rude! So good luck and if you really like him hopefully he isn't gay!
2006-10-07 08:00:33 · answer #3 · answered by whateva 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to do it tactfully, maybe explain early on that whilst you've had some great friends who were bi or gay you have discovered that you are not comfortable dating a man who is attracted to other men, so you ask all your dates early on if there is anything you need to know about. If he's embarrassed by this he probably wouldnt be a good boyfriend anyway
2006-10-07 07:58:35 · answer #4 · answered by welsh_witch_sally 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course it's not rude. This is comming from a Gay guy btw. Be blunt, you deserve your honesty and respect. Ask, you wont known the truth unless you ask right?
2006-10-07 08:06:38 · answer #5 · answered by Alex S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this is a bit drastic I mean what if he's not gay then your really gonna offend him and that's not gonna be good for the relationship! Good luck what ever you choose to do x
2006-10-07 09:10:24 · answer #6 · answered by charlie! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Females don't "attract" gay men. You might ask if he is Bisexual.
2006-10-07 08:33:18 · answer #7 · answered by IndyT- For Da Ben Dan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not willing to date a bisexual then yes this is a fair question. As a bisexual g0y man I can understand we are very complicated.
2006-10-07 08:01:27 · answer #8 · answered by ♂ Randy W. ♂ 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It would be a good idea to find out sooner rather than later.
2006-10-07 07:58:01 · answer #9 · answered by bor_rabnud 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
think if you are really worried you should ask. but don't be direct maybe you should do it subtly, ask him if he'd like to dress up in your clothes, ask him what he thinks of male actors and 'if he would?' you could take him shopping for shoes. i think it is very important that you catch him acting gay and then ask him so you can easily brush over it if he gets annoyed by saying "we'll you are wearing a blouse".
2006-10-07 08:02:01 · answer #10 · answered by jonny Atlantis 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋