i got ahard time believing my husband of 1 yr. b4 we got married,he stole frm me and made a tatoo of his daughters name on his arm.i didnt mind then. then he lies to me everytime about financial stuffs and his babymama, it wasnt a big deal to me till we got married. we have a daughter and he doesnt like to play with her or spend time w/her. hes got a bad credit history so we use my name for alot of stuffs,now my credit is bad. he is the one supporting us so i dont complain. i feel awkward everytime we go out in public.i lost my personality being w/him. i feel bad writting this but something just dont feel right.i got no friends bcuzz i stay indoor due to my husband not wanting me to go somewhere alone. i feel i got lazy,stupid,insecure and building a negative person inside,i need advice.i want to stay in this marriage 4 the sake of my baby..can i change him?
2006-10-06 22:20:03 · 10 answers · asked by chanceitis 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You probably don't want to hear this, but you will not change him. You should find some support and get out. His controlling behavior is a red flag. He is pushing people out of your life, telling you where you are allowed to go...in short, trying to make you completely dependent on him alone. If you stick around, it could mean very bad news for you AND your child. If you are still holding out hope that he will change, ask him to go to marriage counseling with you. If he will not (or won't let YOU go alone), this proves that he is not invested in your happiness. Believe me, there is someone out there that will treat you and your child with love and respect, who will not alienate you from your friends, who will let you have a life outside of your marriage. You deserve that kind of happiness. Best of luck to you.
2006-10-06 22:27:37 · answer #1 · answered by roknrolr63 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was once in a marriage where my ex was physically and emotionally abusive to me. Our marriage started out exactly how you have described yours. Before long, he was hitting me too. Like you, I also thought I could change him. I started wanting to be the perfect wife or perfect person for him so, he would be happy. But, nothing ever made him happy and I learned that I couldn't change him. As time went on, the abuse went from bad to worse. I finally got out of the marriage but, it took some time. I wished I had left sooner. If I had known the signs, I would have but, I was very young when I married.
You are not stupid, lazy or insecure!!! He is slowly breaking you down so, you will continue to take the abuse. Abusers do this by making us feel isolated. He doesn't want you to have friends or leave the house so, he can have a greater power over you. Eventually, he won't even want you to see your own family. If he's not hitting you yet, it won't be long before he does.
Don't stay because of your baby. As your child gets older, he/she will also have to endure the abuse. I know you don't want that to happen to your child.
My advice to you is to get out of the marriage as fast as you can.
Don't let him know where you are going. Take your child with you and never look back. Is there any family that you can stay with until you can get a job and on your feet? If not, then there are womens shelters out there that can help you get away from an abusive relationship.
I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. I wish you the best!
2006-10-07 01:58:23 · answer #2 · answered by cee cee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dame! chanceitis, when i read stuff like this, I sometime hate the 'man' race. I am sorry about what you are going through. Why couldn't you feel mixed up and emotionally depressed with such a selfish irresponsible guy. Insecure men put their wives down so they have at least one person they can see is less than them. You are very strong but save your daughter from a terrible experience.
Plan how you can leave this marriage within 1 year. and during this period, stop being lazy, stop feeling stupid and stop feeling insecure. To do this, read positive books, listen to positive talk shows. I want to recommend this site. If you are not spiritual, its okay, just listen to what the lady is telling women in the same position like you. PLEASE LISTEN TO IT. ITS FREE!!
Take care
http://www.joycemeyer.org/cgi-bin/broadcast.plx?type=video&freq=hi_en&page=broadcast&subpage=tvrad&page_ref=Nav§ion_id=NA
Watch:
1- Victory demands self control Part 1 and 2
2-Loving your life and loving yourself
3-Removing hinderances
2006-10-06 22:47:04 · answer #3 · answered by jackbauer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tWill he change NO staying with someone for the sake of a child makes you a nice person but it will only get worse from what you say about him there are too many bad things in him and because he brings in the money it will be hard for you try to live with your parents or a friend look for work if someone can mind the child if you cant do any of that find a hobby like gardening or knitting anything you like doing try to make a friend and have her come to your house that way your husband cant complain you go out.
2006-10-06 22:43:10 · answer #4 · answered by john h 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, I know how you feel. This has been a big issue for us women who get married and have children. I personally feel that you need to leave! It's not worth it. If he was a real man and he loved you, he wouldn't put you through that crap. Think about you and your baby, her needs come before yours! She's the responsiblity you have. Even if you have to call home to your mother and beg her to stay for a while just to get back on your feet, DO IT! I wish I could help you physically, but I want to encourage all us women to stop letting men like him treat us that way. I hope you find the courage somewhere. Do it for you baby. You never know, you could be saving a life!
2006-10-06 22:43:05 · answer #5 · answered by truetaurus86 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, You can't change him. And you need to set a good example for your baby. Letting a man walk all over you and turn you into someone you are not is not a good example. I would seek counseling for the both of you to at least try to get him on the straight and narrow. You need to think about the baby's future and the relationship that you would like to see her have. What they learn to expect from a marriage is what they see their mom and dad do.
2006-10-06 22:26:11 · answer #6 · answered by Mr Cellophane 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't change him, you have no control over another person actions, personality, or habits. He has to want to change himself into a better person, or it won't happen.
Lets review the facts, he stole from you before marriage...Big RED FLAG!! (but you didn't mind)
He lies to you about money and his childs mother... Big RED FLAG!! (so you let him use your credit and he has destroys your credit)
You want to stay in the marriage...HUGE RED FLAG!!!
If you stay in the marriage, look at what he has done and destroyed in the last year and then think about the rest of your life.
He isn't going to change and you know it.
2006-10-06 22:34:40 · answer #7 · answered by OleMarbleEyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what u going through is really hard but you can try to make your life better and yourself happy .I think you need to get out of the house if not for full time coz of family get part time job and you will see that your confidence will improve day by day...just stand for yourself and get out of the house it will help financially aswell and your credit rating will improve.otherwise join a course,gym,swimming...trust me it will help till u find a job dont sit at home.
2006-10-06 22:30:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in an abusive relationship. This will keep getting worse, not better. It won't be long now before he hits you. Maybe already has. Get out. Now.
2006-10-06 23:45:28 · answer #9 · answered by Jack P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No honey, you need to get out and get out fast, credit can be rebuilt, Go back to your parents or family members, this man has destroyed your self esteem and I'm afraid his next step my be physical, please get out....God be with you!!!
2006-10-06 22:25:31 · answer #10 · answered by Ladeebug71 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋