have been getting worse and worse. I had him move in with me because he lost his job and his place. He's still not working and doesn't seem to be making any effort to find a job. He spends a great amount of time online doing God knows what, which normally doesn't bother me but he gets so engrossed he ignores me and snaps when I ask him a question. Additionally he no longer shows any sexual interst in me, which kick starts my paranoia and depression because I get the feeling he doesn't want me anymore. I know I need to bring up at least the job situation to him but I am afraid he will be offended and leave, the problem with that is he has nowhere else to go and would be homeless. I do still care about him but I have a hard time deciding if he really cares at all or if he is just using me as a free ride. Any suggestions on how my silly non-confrontational self can fix this issue?
2006-10-06 20:43:17 · 24 answers · asked by Lori B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
sounds like you are using the guy for sex. he's more than just a piece of meat to be on your beck and call whenever you're horny. get a life.
2006-10-06 20:44:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 3⤋
Not for nothing but,
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU??!!
There is no non-confrontational way of fixing this situation. How much worse could this possibly get? You've made it so easy for him that he has no incentive to make any kind of effort to find a job or much less anything else.This bum has freeloaded off of you for the past year and your resentment is eating you alive. He's a leach who is emotionally sucking you dry.
Since you have such a hard time deciding I'll clarify this for you. He is not interested in you. Not sexually or even as a person. You've become a nonentity. Someone to be used, abused, reused and ignored. He cares naught for you say for a free ride. He gives you nothing yet has a pitiful low down nerve to snap at you! Why do you take this mistreatment especially when you are footing the bill? This is bull****! Enough already! He's been controlling you for too long.
Suggestions? Yeah! Stop being silly. Tough love, baby! You need to get a hold of yourself and get some back bone. Get angry and stop acting afraid! Offend him? Who cares? He doesn't care about you. So what if he leaves. GOOD! You need to kick start him to leave because that is what he needs to do. The sooner the better too before you have nothing left of yourself. Start doing something for yourself for a change because you really deserve to. And don't feel guilty about it either.
Never sell yourself short under any circumstance for any purpose or for any person (boyfriend in your case).
2006-10-06 22:16:27 · answer #2 · answered by quantumview 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are right to bring up job. He cant just feed off of you. Its not like if you kick him out, he will do nothing. He will either, 1, beg to move back into you and your stance is he needs to get a job, 2, he will get a job on his own after he realizes how screwed he is, or 3, he lives with his parents. Either way, living at your place is not a permanent solution. YOu got to act at some point. Better offend him than have him get used to the care free lifestyle that will bite him in the butt later.
2006-10-06 20:46:43 · answer #3 · answered by leikevy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, so you took him in when he had no job and no home. His gratitude at your unbelievable act of kindness lasted roughly six months. Now here you are, a year later, getting snapped at, getting ignored, getting pushed aside, and you are afraid to tell him it's time he started pulling his weight because - shock, horror - he might be offended and leave.
Girlfriend, he might get offended, but trust me, he won't leave, he's got it made at the moment, hasn't he. Him getting offended enough to leave would be the best thing that could possibly happen to you.
So, grow a spine, give him a month to find employment, start contributing to expenses and treating you like his partner instead of his doormat, and if that is too much for him, show him the door.
2006-10-06 20:48:52 · answer #4 · answered by Liz 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. He is addicted to chat with other girls when you are away.
2. Put password on your computer so he can not use while you are not there. Watch how is he passing his time if computer is banned for him. If you think, it could bring up a fight.........save your DATA and than format the computer and do not re-install it....you can get your work done at your job too.
3. You eat outside and do not bring food at home and see, how he will manage.
4. Just within a week of living without Internet and Food he will leave you...
NOW if you think, you are running some sort of charity cybercafe that provide FREE food.........go ahead and become Mother Theresa !!!
Smell the coffee..........!!
2006-10-06 20:51:04 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well the fact that you're contributing to his lazyness is not going to help in any form. He's already riding the fence with you allowing him to live there and if he's being tendered to.You need to leave him or give him a damn good scare because you may or may not have feelings for ths relationship. I don't know him so I can't honestly say much about him but really just give him an ultimatum.
2006-10-06 21:06:51 · answer #6 · answered by RICK 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course he's using you as a free ride!
girl, look at the following points before you slug me!
- your boyfriend shows no sexual interest in you
-he snaps at you
-he lives in your house
-he does not have a job
-he is putting no efforts to find a job
-he eats your food, and is probably surfing for porn the whole time
-he ignores you
-he has not, acc to ur letter, been doing anything lately to be a positive object in your life.
- basically, he's a PARASITE!
look here, tell him what you think of him, and tell him to shove that couch-potato butt of his and look for a job or at least help around in the house! if he wants to leave after your confrontation, let him leave, though i doubt that a parasite like that would wanna leave your comfortable house where you fetch for him, feed him, pick up after him, and he dous not have to raise a finger.
if he does not change his ways after listening to you, he probably doesn't realise what a great girlfriend he has. he does not appreciate you. get rid of him soon. imagine spending ur whole life with him!
on the ither hand, if he responds in a positive manner, help him put his life back in gear and see that he is actually sicerely doing something about it. if he lied to you, well, then, see the above paragraph again!
go on, girl! confront him, be firm but polie, and see to it that you don't end up as his slave!!!! besta luck!!!
2006-10-06 20:54:16 · answer #7 · answered by thehelper 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that you care about him deeply and the last thing you want is for him to be miserable and homeless, but right now it sounds like he's got a place but still miserable. You can't save him or fix him. You can try to help him as much as you can with getting a job but you can't make him, and I think you have every right to ask him to leave because you can't live with someone like that.
2006-10-06 20:52:27 · answer #8 · answered by ixi26c 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm with Kimmer here. He is using you. It is very clear that he does not mind hurting your feelings... you want the guy to listen to you... get some big guys friends... bring them over with some boxes... while you load up the boxes with his stuff the guys will carry it out and him if necessary.
Legally if he has mail coming to your house he is a legal resident... however if you rent you can tell him that you both will be kicked out if he doesn't leave and then throw him to the curb with the rest of the trash.
This guy is worthless... feelings go away, but if you let him be a bum.. he will stay a bum and keep you from your highest potential.
2006-10-06 20:51:00 · answer #9 · answered by teche16 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's going to stay as long as you let him,he's not a fool.If you kick him out he'll find someone else to move in with,those kind always do.I'm really not getting a picture of two happy people it sounds like the party is over.Move on girl it would be the best thing for both of you.
2006-10-06 20:57:06 · answer #10 · answered by jean 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
BOOT him. I'm a guy and I know a few things about being homeless. He'll be fine. If he doesn't have a job and won't look for one, he'll never get one. If what you say about him being online + his lack of sexuality towards you is true, he's getting it on with an online girl.
Anyways, best of luck, that's a horrible situation, you care for him and as much as you think he cares for you... it's obvious that he doesn't.
2006-10-06 20:49:31 · answer #11 · answered by Kren777 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋