Why does my husband do this?

Question

My husband and I are in our late 20s, and have been married for almost 3 years. He had one previous partner before we were married, and I had none.

I have a very high libido, and find that I am 'up for it' at least a couple of times a week. He always says that he has a high libido too (and promised lots of nooky after we were married, as we waited). However, it doesn't happen. If I am lucky, I get some twice a month (usually about once every three weeks).

HOWEVER, I find that he looks things up online (never hardcore stuff), and then 'pleases' himself. We have discussed how this makes me feel, and he always says that he'll stop, but he never does. He says he doesn't set out for the end result, but sometimes he just happens to get very aroused by what he's looking at. I please myself solo a lot.

My question is this: how can I get him to stop looking at these things, and to start wanting to be intimate with me? He says he still fanices me as much as when we were dating. Help?!

I should mention that:

1 - I know he has a certain fetish, and I play up to that for him
2 - I'm willing to try/do ANYTHING (I'm more kinky than him, I'm pretty sure!).
3 - I've tried dressing/acting sexy for him. He says that when I try to seduce him it's a turn off.
4 - He says that when I talk about wanting sex it's a turn off.
5 - Any time I try and initiate sex, it usually means that he gets upset with me, and it prolongs the non-sex time.
6 - I do all sorts of things for him, and he never returns the favour (girls, you know what I'm talking about). Plus, I always try my best to turn him on in the ways he likes best, but he doesn't ever do the things I ask him (even if I say it will turn me on a lot).
7 - When we do have sex, it's FANTASTIC, and there are times that I think my toes won't uncurl. Even when I tell him this, it doesn't inspire him to have more performances!!

Answer 1

Sounds like he has some deeper issues that he needs to resolve. Fear of performance, unrealistic self expectations, uncomfortable with body image, past rejection from his "only" other lover, and others can all play a role.

Most men will hesitate when the word "counseling" is brought up, but there are issues here that he may not be aware of and need resolution. Don't be afraid to state your needs in a firm, but CALM manner, and be persistent. I have had sales training and one thing we learned is that 80 % of the time, you must ask for the sale at least five times. There are few things worse than being stuck in a sexless marriage.

Answer 2

The problem is that he has probably been circumsized and the intensitivity of vaginal sex doesn't provide him with enough friction to climax, so he will have to fake ejaculation and now he feels guilty. It is not uncommon...so most couples have sex infrequently and masturbation is the source of relief. If he is uncircumsized, then it is likely that he feels inadequate to fulfilling your libido. Mutual masturbation is a beginning, and the use of sex toys should be considered. Sex is a powerful thing in all life forms, not only for procreation but for release of tensions. Allow his hard-core books and use all your wiles on him and slowly turn him towards coitus.

Answer 3

Only 3 years??!! You two should still be going at it like rabbits, If his only satisfaction is jerking off to on-line things, there is something wrong with your marriage..See a counselor before one of you stray, by the way, I would not say that a couple times a week is high libido...See a counselor!

Answer 4

Physical appearance of yours at home is very important. Also spend time together will also help. If you leave him alone, he will go for the stuff on the net. So along with physical appearance of yours at home (i.e. sexy outfits, may be naked, or wear skimpy clothes) it is also very important that you try to find what attracts him on the net, and you should try to act the same. May be you could start solo while he is doing it in front of him so that he would pay attention to you and feel the heat. Furthermore, you have to develop chemistry so that he would attract towards you and only think of you. Doing this requires lot of patience from your side.

Answer 5

There are 2 problems in your life.

1. He is telling a lot of lies.

2. You are expecting too much from a married life.

I am sorry to tell you that your problem can't be solved. Lovers lose 90% of their interest when they marry. Remaining 10% disappear gradually. We are built up that way, I mean our biochemistry.

Traveling together to new places may improve the libido but no sustained effects seen.

Your husband has started to find thrill in computers or internet. You have to find your ways. I hope you know what I mean!

Answer 6

Once upon a time, that i had a lot of libido but my partner had it bigger and i felt a lot of PRESSURE, so i found myself avoiding sex with her, i decide to buy toys to meet the "challenge".

We forgot the love.

That passionate, slow love, that makes us blow hard enough to wait until we were ready for each other.

By the way, sometimes you may say, "Can I help?".

Good luck.

Answer 7

You have to be firm about his not masturbating. Since he promises to stop, but doesn't, he may have an addiction to this. I suspect he may be afraid of women or afraid of sex with women. I'm not saying he might be gay. I doubt that.

You might try telling him that anytime he wants to masturbate that you would do it for him.

This may require professional help and both of you need to go to counseling together to resolve this. Actually, a sexual counselor could be quite helpful. There are many couples that have problems with this and effective ways to improve this part of your life.

Answer 8

if he is eating yeast bread or drinking beer the yeast fungus can reduce his libido considerably, give him olive leaf extract daily, this will destroy the fungus

my man is 48, drinks green tea, eats blueberries, takes cayenne capsules, takes bee pollen with organic honey, takes kelp tablets, drinks pineapple juice, has his olive leaf & takes indian ginseng too. HE IS A SUPER SENSATIONAL LOVER BOY WHO DELIGHTS IN GIVING & RECIEVING at least 5 days a week & 2-3 times a day

he doesnt eat bread and stopped drinking beer cos he found his love weapon works 10 times better without beer (he now drinks cider)

Answer 9

Unplug the computer, feed him some Viagra, screw him till the cows come home.
My wife and I have a robust sex life (usually once per day if not twice) but sometimes we get bored with each other and we might go a week without. Keep it lively, Go for different positions, learn what his fantasies are and fullfill them, as well as telling him what your fantasies are. Dont hold back, you are married. He owns your body, you own his. Now go get laid young lady!!!

Answer 10

1) Twice a week doesn't quite qualify as "high libido".

2) You do it too.

3) Hump him into submission. That'll change his tune.