I've been apart of her life since she was 6, she is now 14. The ex wife and I don't get along. From day one I have never pressured my stepdaughter in loving me and so forth, I let her at her own pace accept me as being apart of her life. we slowly became very close over time. I have always been there to help when she needed it.Well, the problem lies with the ex, she can not stand me being in her daughters life. She constantly tells me I'm not her mother, and my response back is, "no, I'm not, you are her mother" So I have NEVER tried to take that place. because it is not mine to take. After many conversations with the ex, she still don't get it. I'm not taking her place, nor do I want to. I feel my stepdaughter should have her mother. I am just on the sidelines if needed. I am a parent figure in her life, but no bad has come to her. I can't figure out why the ex won't accept me in the role I'm playing. I love her daughter, respect her and treat her good. I'm not some mean nasty woman!
2006-10-06 18:23:05 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Is there any other easier way to deal with this? Any advise from other stepparents. Serious answer please.
2006-10-06 18:26:43 · update #1
She is ALWAYS saying disrespectful things about me to her daughter. My stepdaughter tells me some of the things but tells me "thats ok, I know your not like that" I never say anything bad about this woman in front of her. So what leads for this behavior from the ex? Hubby and I are married, she is getting married, but could she still have feelings for my ex, or just really have a HUGE amount of hate for me?
2006-10-06 18:29:06 · update #2
I am a step-mother of almost 8 years my self. And it is great.
It sounds to me as if this woman is afraid her daughter is going to love you more than her. I had to deal with that and I still do.Your step-daughter will love you, but in a completely different way. It also sounds as if this woman has no self esteem or trust or even respect for her daughter, you, or herself.
As long as your step-daughter knows better don't worry much about it. This woman needs to realize, however, all she is really doing is hurting her own child.
2006-10-06 18:38:52 · answer #1 · answered by firebird 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is so hard this step parenting thing. I, like you have been made out to be the bad person. I have never tried to do anything to influence them. The rules are, he looks after his kids, I look after mine, but no one can disrespect anyone else or invade their personal space. A few years ago, his youngest started giving me a mouthful, spurred on by his immature mother. I ignored him for a while until I could take it no longer. I told him he would not come to my house and treat me that way. I told him he could stay with his mother and his father could visit him there. His mum panicked, cuz it meant she didn't have the weekend free. so decided to start being nice about me. Now, things are fine. I know your stepdaughter is older, but you can usually find some tool that will affect her Mum somehow. Your stepdaughter also sounds very mature and respectful, so maybe you should just stay away from her Mother and forget she exists. Good luck
2006-10-06 18:38:25 · answer #2 · answered by jewel 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Her reaction is a product of jealousy. I ended up just avoiding the biological and letting her feel like she had control. The kids and I get along great to this day and that is all that matters. They are 18 & 19 now and we all survived, although very bumpy at times, all turned out well. You sound like youare on the right track to keep your step daughters affection and respect.
2006-10-06 18:30:42 · answer #3 · answered by She-ra 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been a step mom for some time now. You are lucky that the daughter likes you. My husbands ex makes her kids choose between us. So to stay in good terms with her the kids have treated me pretty badly. They have even told me that they like me, its just that if they let it be known she would be mad at them. I think its either a control issue or jealousy. In my realm she controlled my husband and she hated the idea that she was not in control anymore. It wasn't that she loved him, it was just the MINE syndrome. Like a child being selfish with his belongings. As long as you have his love and the respect of the daughter consider yourself lucky. She doesn't need to accept you for anything. So don't let yourself stress about it. Really hate to say this, but it never got easier for me. The kids grew up and I know they love me now. But it never got easier for me.
2006-10-06 18:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by Casper 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is jealous you are a part of her daughter's life. You must very successful being a step-mom to the daughter that the ex is feeling threatened. Don't let the ex discourage what you are doing and ignore her totally. That should get her so miffed.
2006-10-07 10:01:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents separated when i was young, and my mother always talked to me about my fathers gf...my brothers mom...she was always nice to me and i believe she really liked me. With your stepdaughter you know what you do the best you can and thats all you can do...Dont try to badmouth her mom or try to get her to side with you...its not a game you know. All you can do, is to love her and be her friend. Its true, you are NOT her mom. you never will be but you accepted her as your daughter too. I love my brother and i love my fathers gf but i know who my mom is and i love her also you know. you will have those moments when you feel like you are pulling your hair out but it takes time to trust and you have to have patience ok?... you do the best you can and tell yourself when you think you cant bear anymore...you need to stay strong and be patient...i will pray for you....good luck
2006-10-06 18:37:27 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Follow the example of your step daughter and don't pay any attention to what the ex wfe says. Your step daughter may be a kid but she knows her mother is wacked in the head.
2006-10-06 18:42:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
RE: Why do ex-spouse's attempt to teach little ones antagonistic to ex-husband's and develop into bitter even as ex-husband re-marries. I truly were married to my husband for 4 years now. we are a mixed relations. I truly have 3 little ones and he has a million newborn at the same time with his ex-spouse. i'm 15 years youthful than my husband and eight years youthful than his ex-spouse, i'd hate to imagine that has some thing to do with her resentment twords me. in the begining...
2016-12-04 08:56:27 · answer #8 · answered by levatt 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your stepdaughter chooses to come see you, you've crossed no ethical line.
But her biological mother has the right to ask you not to come around.
2006-10-06 18:27:18 · answer #9 · answered by felonius_monkey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you did a good thing, you gave the girl a stable and consistent and caring influence.
obviously her mother doesn't like that one little bit, which is a shame because your action was in the best interest of the child.
2006-10-06 18:34:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋