Should i allow my ex-wife to come over on halloween to take pics of the kids?

Question

I filed for divorce because she was cheating on me. She still has the boyfriend. I told her maybe and she definetly cannot bring her homewrecker boyfriend with her. Halloween just happens to be during my legal visitation time when the kids are with me. She obviously feels comfortable enough to come over to my house (which used to be our house). But I will never want to go visit her when she has the kids because i know she will have homewrecker boy there. So what's fair?

Answer 1

You need to get over the fact that she has a boyfriend. I know it hurts... but if the two of you have kids together you need to get past it. For the kids.

One of these days you will move on and find your true love. Stop fighting with her. Forgive her and move on.

Having that anger towards her or her boyfriend won't do any good for you, her or your kiddos!

The boyfriend is just a sign of a wreaked home... he's not the homewreaker.

Allow her to take pictures of the kids. Be kind. But if she stays longer than you feel comfortable politely ask her to leave. There is a civil way to act with an ex-wife.

Answer 2

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Answer 3

Of course! She's the kids' mother! They have every reason, and right, to have her share significant occasions with them, on what is now their ground. I also suggest you get over your angst with your wife, for the kids' sake, as well as your own. None of us can own anyone else, apart perhaps from our parents. The inclination to do so is childish - you'll feel happier without it. If you loved your wife enough to marry her, and still value her enough to begrudge losing her, surely there's reason to at least accept she has the right to be happy in her own way? Or even be happy for her? Let the woman, and your anger go. Your life will be better that way, if you make it so, being truly free. Further, if "the homewrecker" loves your ex-wife, you might probably find you have some other things in common, if you are a big enough fellow to explore that and you are both interested. (Although that kind of friendship can upset ex-wives!). Believe me, I've been there and know (although I actually had to work to get the kids to have anything to do with their mother, then, and now, many years later, we all reap the rewards). Kids need to know both parents, and their friends, to be able to make their own judgements in time ... as they will.
All this has nothing to do with "Christian charity" - it's common sense from experience. You might also reflect that no-one can wreck a truly "happy home". So you can at least act politely with ex-wife and her friend. Scapegoats are stringy - and when you bite 'em it's your own teeth you find in wherever you bit.

Answer 4

Get over your bitterness and anger and think of the kids. Would your kids want their mother there to take pics of them in their cute halloween costumes?
When I was a kid i loved dressing up with my whole family and take pics with them. Give your children those memories for goodness sake.
But tell her the homewrecker need not be there.

Answer 5

You don't HAVE to let her come over to take photos of the kids, however that is kind of petty. They are, after all HER children too and there are going to be many more events in THEIR lives where the two of you are going to be present whether you like it or not. Remember this is mostly a holiday for CHILDREN so why not be the better person and have her over to take photos...it wouldn't hurt if you asked her to have copies for you made as well. And I agree with you the boyfriend should not come along, he's no relation to the children so his presence is not needed.

Answer 6

Think of your kids. I know the situtation is tough on you...but as for these young innocent kids, they just want to have a good time with on Halloween, and be surrounded by their two parents. I think you should let her come take pictures, ask her nicely not to bring the boyfriend, BUT if she does anyway, you have to be the bigger man about it. Dont start problems with neither one of them, its not worth it. She is out of your life, and your better off without someone like that anyways. Now live your life for yourself and for the well-being of your children. Kids grow up soo fast, let them enjoy whats left of their childhood, without any more stress on their shoulders. I can only imagine what they feel about this whole splitting situation between you and your ex wife...lets just try to make the best of it and show them that their parents arent not married, but yes they still love their kids and they will always be there together, when it comes to them.
hope this helps!

Answer 7

Homewrecker boy doesn't factor into it.... it is important for your children to see that you and your ex treat each other with respect and put the kids' best interest first, so let her come take pics.

I have always had a bit more respect for my dad than my mom because my father NEVER bad-mouthed my mother and never tried to make things difficult for her... can't say the same thing about my mom towards my dad, unfortunately.

Answer 8

If it wont upset you too much let her come over alone on Halloween to take pics of the kids. Im sure the kids will be happy that you allowed her to. Good luck!

Answer 9

Yes only for the kids benefit not hers. Lay down ground rules that she is coming for pics only. When she decided to screw around she chanced losing her children 50% of the time. That was her choice not yours. They're are repercussions for her actions. You are not punishing her by doing this, the truth is this is how every holiday for the next however many years will be. If you extend this olive branch hopefully one day you can use that to your advantage when you want Holiday time with your kids on her time.

Answer 10

I would invite her over (sans homewrecker) for the kids sake. Have her take the pictures and then tell her to go. You take the kids out alone. She will have her time next year.

Thanks, for the two points.