i am 23 and married to soldier who is in Iraq. We three beautiful kids together and i have my step son who i love and adore.You would think that we are the perfect family.Not at all.
Before my husband went to Iraq he started turning off his phone when he came home from work . Then i started snooping.I found a steamy email that his sons mother sent him. Thanksgiving i was going through his phone and her text her telling her"yes i am still in love with you".When i confronted her she said that they are just friends. And both of them say that i am over reacting....ect.I know he is coming home and i need to supportive.He apologized for what happend tells me he loves me and things are going to work out.But this not the first time i have busted him or is it the first time he appologized.I am trying so hard to forget about it.i am so confused, i want to love him and show him how much i care.But at the same time i am scared to show him any affection? I just need some advice please.
2006-10-06 17:48:17 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I can understand how you must feel. Although you have seen things is there any way you would've misinterpreted it? If not, and he is saying that he is sorry and you truly love him, give him the benefit of doubt and let him know you love him.
Keep a Keen eye on the situation and if you find definite proof if this keeps up, make sure it is something that will back you up if and when you decide to confront him on this again.
A man that has children or a child with a woman, and is now with another, will still have feelings as far as being the mother of his child or children. Maybe, hopefully this is what is going on.
Ask your husband not to talk to her about anything except when it concerns the child or children, this may alleviate any misunderstandings or misgivings on all sides.
Your husband is going to need the love of his family when he gets home. I don't know what branch of the military he is in, but it cant be easy for a man to be so far away from his family. He may have just been reaching out and just in the wrong place.
2006-10-06 18:23:43 · answer #1 · answered by firebird 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In my opinion, trust is more important than love. Especially in second marriages. If you can't/ don't trust him, that will be the poision tht will tear you two apart. If he has a child by this woman, he will always have feelings for her. Even love her in a certain way. But if he is trying to get back with her or fool around, then you have to protect yourself as much as possible. Reaching out for advice is a good start. When he gets home, you guys need to have a heart to heart talk. If he can't be straight forward with you on this matter that is tearing you apart from the inside, then you need to do whats right for you and your babies. Good luck.
2006-10-07 00:56:34 · answer #2 · answered by wirenut314 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What about YOU? Who's supporting YOU? You are an amazing person to be raising 4 children including one who is not yours - and doing it virtually alone. Where's the YOU in this equation? Honey, you are one incredible woman, and while I know you want to be supportive of your man, it's time he realzes how lucky he is and offers some emotional support in return.
First step for you is to know you deserve way better treatment than you're getting, and way more respect. Try to take each day as it comes right now, but branch out, develop your own support network, and learn that you are special and valuable in your own right.
I hope eveything turns out for the best for you.
2006-10-07 00:56:22 · answer #3 · answered by belmyst 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get over being hurt till you take back your balls. He's got control of your life and his.
Being a soldier gives him no warrant for treating his own wife the why he does.
I'm sorry, but if he really loved you the way he says he does, he wouldn't be treating you like crap.
He's not sorry - a true apology means it will never happen again. He's just sorry he got caught - and his apology means he will try to never get caught again.
Sorry hun - you deserve much better. Stop allowing him to treat you like this.
2006-10-07 01:00:58 · answer #4 · answered by InnerBeauty28 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the time he has spent away from you and his kids made him realize that he really loves you and wants it to work. you should try to forget about the emails, text messages and give him another chance with a clean slate. If when he comes home, it happens again, then you will have to worry about what to do. but until it happens again, assume he is telling you the truth.
2006-10-07 00:52:29 · answer #5 · answered by sea_sher 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Put your leg in the shoes of that woman. They brought a baby and somehow things didn't workout between them so they got seperated right? But old memories and feelings could never die. Why don't you see the half glass full rather than seeing it half empty? Who owns this man right now? It's you and not her. What's wrong if a mother or an ex-wife expects a little from her ex-hubby or a man who gave her a kid? Please be little liberal and give them space.......I can bet that if you will let them talk.........your hubby will be yours until his last breath....trust me.
2006-10-07 00:57:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one knows the whole story but God himself. And God actually is the one who knows what your husband needs. He might need love and support from you or he might need the slack jerked out of him. If he is a liar, you are going to have to rely on God's power in you to stay with him, especially if he has adultery in his heart for his ex-whatever. You need to get the book 'Boundaries in Marriage' by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend. It explains Godly principles for the exact kind of situation you are in right now. Amazon has the book for about $4.
2006-10-07 01:04:50 · answer #7 · answered by jesusisthe1foryou 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't play second fiddle to anyone. If you have concrete evidence that something is going on, you should probably leave at least temporarily. That should wake him up and make him realize what he has. If not, hard as it might be, I would try to put him behind me and move on. You need and deserve someone who will treat you right!!!
2006-10-07 00:54:28 · answer #8 · answered by rudee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi know what you are going through I put up with my wife cheating for a couple of years, i can tell you that it will not change. you must get out of it now. sooner the better. I am still suffering but everyday it gets easier. please don't put up with it you deserve better good luck.
2006-10-07 00:51:56 · answer #9 · answered by robtiger2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great Group that have been and are dealing with the same type of pain and insecurities as you.
www.survivinginfidelity.com
2006-10-07 01:31:51 · answer #10 · answered by Dezi M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋