hi, i need help. i've been married for about 8 months now and i started to realize my husband's been looking at porn on the internet behind my back, whenever i'm not at home.
when we were dating, i was curious at his computer's history and it showed he went to adult websites. i didn't know what to do so i left it and forgot about it. couple days ago (about 3 years now), i looked at his computer's history again and i noticed that he had a lot of adult websites listed. i didn't mean to be nosy, but i don't know what to do.
he always told me he never looked at porn and he's never gone to a strip club and never will, but should i believe that anymore? should i confront him? if so, how? i can't help to wonder if there's something wrong with me.. if i'm not satisfying him... i don't know... we're still newlyweds, i don't know what to do. we still have sex and i think i still please him.. so what now? please help me.
2006-10-06 17:38:12 · 47 answers · asked by ftlc_unhappy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can choose to be all close-minded about this or you can read more about how biologically men are visually stimulated ...be happy about his instincts, get over it, join in and watch it with him.
2006-10-06 18:05:51 · answer #1 · answered by Deloused-In-The-Comatorium 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some men feel they can't tell there wives they watch porn because some women get all upset. But by you being open and talking to him might help. Maybe he feels he has to hide this from you. Because you will be upset.
Why not open the dialogue between you too. Or better yet why don't you buy a porn video and one night have him and you watch it. Perhaps he's apprehensive in discussing this with you. and doesn't know how to approach you with it. or think you may not like it. So by you entiating it may break the ice for him.
Or maybe theres some things you don't like to do.
Lots of men watch porn doesn't mean that they don't love there wives or your doing something wrong. Get in to it with him you can have some fun and will open you up more to discussin and the bedroom.
And if you have those fears of am i not good enough or something wrong with you and that your not satisfying him. ask him. and tell him you want the truth. Most guys will fear to hurt your feelings and may just say no your great. tell him you really want to please each other so you want to know. Heck this could mean better sex down the road .
Good luck
2006-10-06 18:56:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think its okay... I think you should talk to him and not come right out and ask him is he's been looking at porn but maybe bring up a subject about it, some how, maybe talk about someone you know but aint that close with and say will she/ he likes to look at porn all the time one the net. Then maybe kinda ask him if he does. Im not very good at explaining things but i think you should do something along those lines first to see if he lies about.. Hopefully he would tell you the truth. Because honey some men are better liers then you think.. An I know how you feel ive been there too an im a newly wed too, ive been married 6 months and im getting scard because it seems like every day now im always find some thing hes lied about. You also need to make sure its not sites where he can meet ppl like adultfriendfinder.com I dont know i that can help you or not but i wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anyone to talk to heres my e-mail akers_042@yahoo.com I your anything like me it hurts your feelings very bad an leave's wondering....
2006-10-06 18:04:32 · answer #3 · answered by ohio_gurl042 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First- realize men and porn is like football and sweaty guys they just happen.
Second admit not many women want to view porn with a mate!
Guys look at porn because they tend 'think' about sexual stuff more often then women, and they also are more visually oriented so pictures and websites work extremely well to 'relieve stress'.
Looking isn't cheating and 90% of men deny looking at or having access to porn like movies or magizines- it's just the way it is.
Then relax- remember he married YOU not a website and he sleeps with you not the website. Now if he starts spending TOO much time online late at night and your sexual relationship becomes non existant then he could have an addiction to porn but my guess is probably not.
I suggest you admit you stumbled across this stuff and talk about it- offer the fact you realize guys sometimes use porn images to 'relax and relieve stress' and you should not feel threatened by it, but it made you uncomfortable.
He can make a better effort to hide his evidence and you two can get over his lying to hide what is actually normal behaviour. This way you can build your marriage on trust and honesty and acceptance of each other as normal slightly flawed people.
2006-10-06 17:53:18 · answer #4 · answered by Answerkeeper 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The question as to whether or not he is looking at porn because you don't satisify him is one that has long been debated, and you won't get that answer here. Personally, I don't think that's the case since he looked before meeting you. It's a habit.
First, ask yourself if it bothers you. You need to decide what is best for you. Are you feeling unsatisfied? If you have no complaints about the frequency of your sex life with him, then his porn habit is probably pretty harmless.
But if it hurts and upsets you, and you can't let it go, then you need to confront him. Tell him that you know he is lying, so he first needs to stop telling you he doesn't look at porn. Then tell him that it upsets you, and why. Don't expect him to understand at all, though. The important thing is that he knows for sure that this is not okay. Hopefully, he will stop this behavior because he doesn't want to hurt you.
You need to decide what's right for you.
2006-10-06 18:10:06 · answer #5 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you should panic yet. That's just how guys are, although that argument can only go so far. I can see your point. It doesn't make you feel good to see him turning to something other than yourself for pleasure. I would confront him about it. You are newlyweds. You shouldn't keep things from eachother. Tell him that. Maybe he has an addiction. It may have nothing to do with you, but you'll never know unless you ask him. A good marriage is built on communication. I hope everything works out for both of you.
2006-10-06 17:44:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join in with him and look at porn together...the rewards can be great for you.
In truth most people who look at porn soon loose interest after about 3 months. A small percentage continue for another few months. Only a very few look at porn for an extended period of time. I read this about 6 months ago and do not remember the source. Great doses of porn become very boring after a short while the article said.
There is nothing wrong with the occasional viewing of porn. It is not a sin and you will not go blind for watching it.
Don't make such a big deal out of it! Be an enticing wife and make him want you. He most likely loves you very much. If you push him however it will cause problems. Like I said join in and show interest in what he is doing...I bet he will soon limit his viewing.
2006-10-06 17:52:04 · answer #7 · answered by pinelake302 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it is not okay.
It sounds like your husband could be addicted to pornography.
I don't think this has anything to do with you and your ability to perform.
Your husband needs serious psychological treatment. Eventually he could end up spending all of your money and it could break up your marriage. The fact that he has lied is a big sign that it is heading that way.
Please try to convince your husband to see a counselor right away. There are also 12-step programs that can help people overcome pornography addiction. Many people do not think that this is an addiction, but it is. Do not follow the previous answerer's advice to join with your husband in this behavior. There's no point in leading both of yourselves down this dangerous road.
If your husband won't do anything about it, at least consider seeing a counselor yourself so you'll be better able to deal with its effects on your family.
I hope that everything works out for you. Pornography is very powerful and when it grabs a person it's very difficult for that person to get out.
2006-10-06 17:42:39 · answer #8 · answered by drshorty 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adult websites are fine. The only thing you should be worried about is actually him communicating through chat lines and hooking something up through there. Most men look at some form of porn on a regular basis and it's not because we aren't satisfied with life at home. It's our little way of being mischevious.
Always remember tho, if you go looking for trouble, you're gonna find it.
2006-10-06 17:42:47 · answer #9 · answered by nyneseclx 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He does it behind your back because he thinks you are to straight and would find him disgusting. Porn and pictures sometimes stimulate peoples sex drive, it is not like he is doing it with someone behind your back, he looks at these things then comes back and enjoys good sex with you and he loves you, he should just grow out of it, how many times can you look at the same pictures, just the face and shape changes a bit, when you speak to him about it, don't do it like the preachers wife, do it in a nice way, ask if he does not get tired of it , same thing, same thing, same thing, tell him you can look just as good if he buys you sexy underwear and he can have the real thing with the works and love and affection as a bonus.
2006-10-06 18:00:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its a kind of addiction... even if you are married it can still happen. It is not always the case that you are not satisfying him in bed.... I know a person who is addicted to porn... even if he had sex with his wife 6 hours ago... when he sits infront of computer he cannot resist going to those sites. Ther emight be lots of variables here.. I would recommend both of you to go to a marriage councelor and solve it or get him help to get out of it.
Okay if I tell you about my friend of whom I just mentioned, he actually loves his wife a lot... there is nothing wrong between them, but once he goes to the porn sites and start to see some porn (due to addiction) he becomes like "F..k these bitches" and when the girls moans more during the intercourse saying "f..k me harder" over and over... it gives him a different feeling that is hard to explain.... may be from psychological point of view it has some meaning... but it has no effect on his marriage life.. he doesn't behave rude with his wife either....
But for your case you are anxious about it I would recommend a councelor.
2006-10-06 17:48:42 · answer #11 · answered by Galactic_Explorer 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋