why do men think it is cause they are not attracting?
Is this a game or a line to con the woman to have sex?
I simply am not interested in sex due to trust issues and/or stress and not wanting to really be in a relationship. So what makes this wrong for me not to want sex? I am honest about it. But it turns out to be a guilt trip about how the other person feels....un atractive....but he is atractive....I just am not interested most of the time.
2006-10-06 17:22:42 · 20 answers · asked by beachgirl90 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
men will say ANYTHING to get sex.
that includes pushing you into guilt.
just be yourself.
2006-10-06 17:26:01 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your man got confused, and it's a hard thing to be intimate with someone so blatantly confused. Trust is based on certainty that relationship will continue.....his certainty and committment. Forget flattering his whining ego. You have issues to address:
Find a quiet time and talk to him. Tell him that what he did with the other girl is not appropriate behavior for a future husband.
Ask him if he thinks you and he still have a chance. Ask him how he thinks he will handle interacting with this person from now on. Tell him you need to feel that he respects you in order for this relationship to work. You don't feel respected so you don't trust him. Tell him your lack of interest is based on his actions, not his appearance. Repeat as standard answer whenever he's looking to get the intimacy he hasn't earned.
It is very hard to maintain a relationship without trust. Ask him if he thinks he can he do the things that will allow you to trust him.
Speak to him calmly and with respect. When he answers you, respond to him. Do not react, respond. Take a breath, think about what you want to say, and speak to him as you would a friend.
You just need to determine whether or not this relationship can make it. Are you willing to forgive this if he can make right decisions from now on? Or is there a basic flaw that will never allow this situation to resolve itself? Make yourself notes if you don't think you can keep this train of thought without them.
If you guys decide to split you need to agree to continue with your combined houshold until both of you are financially ready to separate. This is stressful and requires objectivity. The goal is to be stable individually, not to create a united financial entity anymore. If you can do this you both will survive better financially.
Punishing him isn't going to work. And it won't change his feelings or what he has done. Just discuss with him the topic at hand: Can he be a good husband? Is he capable of making decisions in favor of his marraige? If not, what do you both need to be doing to relieve as much financial strain as possible in your respective futures? Keep your cool, find your path, and then follow through.
2006-10-07 12:04:01 · answer #2 · answered by Sunbaby 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There has to be a reason to have sex other than just his being attractive. I mean, you don't have sex with everyone who is attractive, so you have to look at the reasons there are that pertain to that specific relationship and not all the past relationships that you have had. Learn from your past, but don't let that knowledge screw up your present relationships by passing judgements because of the irrational fear of "everybody is the same".
2006-10-07 00:32:00 · answer #3 · answered by runninfool 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Far too many of us men are actually very insecure about this kinda thing. But I would never admit that in person. If he is giving you guilt about it, get rid of him. Trust me, as a guy I can tell you that you have become a quest at this point. Dont waste anymore of your time with him. Go find a guy who will support you in this, and in time, you may find you trust this one enough to have a physical relationship with.
2006-10-07 00:27:24 · answer #4 · answered by cwxmas 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be true to yourself. Do NOT let anyone manipulate you into having sex or doing ANYTHING that you do not want to do. He IS laying a guilt trip on you to manipulate you. Tell him that you do find him attractive and if he can't accept you that way then he'll need to go somewhere else to get what he wants. If he loves you or even truly cares about you he would NOT push you or manipulate you into anything.
2006-10-07 00:26:28 · answer #5 · answered by oneradnursey 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry about the men feeling unattractive. It is a ploy just to see if they can make you change your mind.
Men have very high egos and wil stop at nothing to make it more inflated.
Stick to your guns and only have sex when you want it and not when some pathetic man wonders if he isnt attractive enough for you.
2006-10-07 00:27:24 · answer #6 · answered by wickedly_funny66 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For men sweetheart, it is our manhood. Knowing your woman wants you is a high like no other. It can make you faithful, you can look at another female and say to yourself. "She looks good, but she cannot compare to my woman that I can't wait to get home too."
When we get turned down it is like our whole world ends. That is when we start thinking it is some other guy, must be she won't say anything to me. She doesn't want me, what am i doing wrong, you follow me. It is a vicious cycle. Think if he was just uninterested in sex and just did not feel like it what would you think?????
2006-10-07 00:33:09 · answer #7 · answered by rjsr40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's your body to do with it what you please.I can only assume your not telling the person(s) your with up front when you meet them that you don't want to sleep with them.People need to know why they are rejected to be able to learn from it and heal from the pain they feel.If you let them know up front you have no intentions of sleeping with them at all,watch how many dates you have then.If this is the case,this is why you feel guilty cause your using them.But i do commend you for being truthful about your question.
2006-10-07 00:34:58 · answer #8 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If YOU buy into the guilt trip it's not the guy's fault, it's YOUR'S If you're truly not interested you don't HAVE to feel guilty. The fact that you do says that you CHOOSE to feel that way.
2006-10-07 03:48:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
look its not wrong for u to be abstinent, but if he feels unatractive then he s aduimbass, talk to him tell him he isnt you just dont want to risk having sex and if he ends up leaving then he never really loved u dude, it was all about the sex..i kno uv prob heard htis millions of time, but thst because its ******* ture, talk to the dumbass and tell him that hes no unatractive by saying things like, to me you are or that is so not true...im a dude so i cant really come up with any good ones...
2006-10-07 00:26:06 · answer #10 · answered by koskani e 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have been on ther other end of the spectrum. a woman whose husband lost interest. the first thing that comes to mind is a loss of attraction for us. not that you have no desire at all. it has to be talked about in order to fix the relationship. there must be give and take.
2006-10-07 00:25:45 · answer #11 · answered by beckdawgydawg 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋