for a best best friend... poem i wrote. plz read?

Question

ok, i posted the same poem few in ago, but in the wrong place. so now i am posting it again, hopping to get some feedback. this poem i wrote to a friend, and i just want to know if its good. thanks


sometimes life can be hard
but it help for somebody to say
that you are always on somebody's mind
each and every single day

i am thankful to God
that he send you to me as a friend
and there is nothing in the would
that i couldn't on you to depend

when the waters get rough in the future
and they turn sorrow and gray
remember that i'm always behind you
every single step of the way

so never feel lonely with out me
cause i know you'll always be fine
even thousands of miles away
you'll always remain in my mind

Answer 1

I like this poem. It's pretty. But, my advice is to adjust the spelling a bit. I'm assuming you meant "world" not "would" in line 7. Also, the grammar could be improved. That is "help" in line 2, I think, would sound better as "helps," and, not to be mean, but lines 7 and 8 don't make much sense to me. That's just my opinion; please don't be offended by my criticism.

Answer 2

Check and Double Check~! Read it out loud to yourself and you will see and hear the problems that others are saying. But my advise is that you have a good start ... just need to clean it up in places.
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If you don't mind this is one I wrote MANY YEARS AGO!

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And of Friendship


Somewhere amongst all the tangled,

Hurried lives we lead

Day in and day out,

We sometimes forget to capture and understand

Who we have

In our lives instead of what we are reaching for.

To reflect on what we do have and learn to love

And appreciate

How far we have come.

Sometimes we feel it takes too much time

Or perhaps

That it may

Not be the best we want.

This is a time to view not only the future,

But to rekindle the past

To build tomorrows.

So now I wish to stop a moment and express

My reflections

And visions;

Of love so often shown by you.–

Be it with tears or laughter:

And of friendship - so dear and nearest

To my heart.

For in my tangled life of times past and the

Misunderstanding of

The future to come;

To feel I'll always have a friend - with love –

To share for the reaching

and rekindling of my life -- I have you.



Deborah Register
I retain all rights to my poetry. Copyright 2006

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Remember to KEEP writing. It is a Wonderful Thing to do if you only do it for Yourself!

Good Writing to you.
Deborah

Answer 3

This poem is truly beautiful, and to have the ability to translate the meaning of friendship into such an elaborate and amazing work is remarkable. Your friend must be very close to your heart and is lucky to have that honor. This poem expresses all of the things that most would find in a great friend, especially in terms of support.

Answer 4

I believe that your poem is very touching and beautiful and if I were your friend it would bring a tear to my eye
a few spelling mistakes but you have done a wonderful job.
congratulations.

Answer 5

A+

Answer 6

That's so touching. I would love to have a friend write something like that for me.

Answer 7

The poem was nice........but I just can pin point it out, that there is something missing. LUCKY FRIEND

Answer 8

That is glorious. I'm so touched. Wonderful. What a lucky friend you have :)

Answer 9

i quote " that i couldn't on you to depend" this doesnt make any sense to me..but its nice poem, good work

Answer 10

It's really nice