ok i have 2 boys ages 17 and 11 they are in the 5th grade and 11th grade i am also divorced. we share joint custody. every other week. im the mom and they want to stay with me all the time not there dads. my ex keeps taking me to court because of this....but when they call there dad and ask if they can stay one more day he says yes but then turns around and takes me to court. we have been divorced for 5 years now...does this ever end?? i also buy the majority of things for them and he dont even pay health insurance. what should i do?? my oldest says he will try hard too wait it out one more year and then when he is a senior next year he will just stay with me not there dads .. there daa is not a very good father to these boys i have had to play both roles for many years now..what would you do?
2006-10-06 16:20:46 · 9 answers · asked by mary c 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Start having him sign a release every time the children get his permission to spend extra time with you. Keep receipts for everything that you spend on them that he should be paying for...talk to your attorney...If your ex is not fulfilling his part of the agreement set up by the judge than you can take him back to court and fight for sole custody. have the children write down how they feel about you and what they think about having to go to their dad's house. DON'T coach them or try to make them say things that aren't true. Encourage them to write exactly what they feel as there are no wrong answers and don't get mad at them if their answers are not pleasing to you. Keep this stuff for the judge...it will come in handy. Documented dated and signed proof is the best evidence of all.
2006-10-06 16:29:53 · answer #1 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek the counsel of a competent attorney. They will know if there is anything you can do. I am sure the 17 year old can choose not to see his dad. But the 11 year old still has to be able to keep contact. A lawyer will tell you what you should do about your situation, and possibly keep you out of court in the future. The father does have rights to see the boys though, at least until they are old enough to make that decision on their own. Remember the boys relationship with their father should not be affected by your personal feelings towards him. Don't try influencing them against him, because the courts could reverse the current living arrangemnets all together over something like that.
2006-10-06 16:28:56 · answer #2 · answered by Phill Lee 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what I did. I could not afford to take the jerk to court. Custody battles, of any kind, are expensive. No attorney would give me the time of day for less than 2500 dollars, and as a single mother, it might as well have been 25 million. So I explained to the children that this is what the law had determined. It may not be right, it may not be pleasant, but it is the law and you have to do it, and I am sorry. It will keep you out of trouble, and it will keep me out of trouble. If you have a problem with it, talk to your dad. He has lots of money and time to spend on courts, and he can change this if he desires. And that is what we did. It was not an issue. It was the law, for better or worse, and we obeyed it, and it kept us out of trouble.
Do not ask him for favors, ever. It simply gives him another chance to set you up. Hold him to the law, just as he holds you to the law. If the kids are not home by the specified time on the specified date, call the police and file a missing persons report. Live by the law, and require him to do the same. Unless of course you have an extra few grand just laying around, and nothing to do with your free time but go to court.
Yes. It does end. When they are 18. Hang in there.
2006-10-06 16:43:10 · answer #3 · answered by Mellisa w 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm going to address the financial issues first. In order for him to pay for health insurance it has to be in the custody agreement. As far as anything else, that is what the child support checks are for. As far as the kids wanting to stay with you, I dont' know where you live but here in the states by the time a child reaches age 11 they are able to tell the judge that they want to remain with one parent only. Until your kids do that you have nothing to stand on because you HAVE to go along with whatever orders were set down by the courts. The fact that the kids WANT to stay with you doesn't matter, unless it is in court documents they HAVE to go back to their father. Whether you think he is a good parent or not has nothing to do with it...it's in the custody papers and until those papers are changed legally he gets the kids 50% of the time.
2006-10-06 20:59:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know this is tough- but if you want to avoid court costs I would stick to the agreement as firmly as possible. Even if the kids want to stay. Maybe the ex is jealous of their relationship with you, and that's why he retaliates when they want to stay longer. Explain to the boys that you love them and you cant wait to see them but when it's time to go it's time to go. I know this is hard, but I dont know if the constant battles between you are good for the children. Good luck to you and I'm glad you have a good relationship with your boys.
2006-10-06 16:26:52 · answer #5 · answered by leah 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd go to court and get the custodity of the kids only for myself. Its your own kids and you should decide whats best for them. You take care of them and play both roles like you said. Its time to take action and do the right thing.
Hope that helps!
2006-10-06 16:25:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep a record of all this, and the next time he wants to take you to court say, "OK buddy, LET'S GO!" Hold your ground, you are doing nothing wrong, and your ex sounds petty.
2006-10-06 16:26:19 · answer #7 · answered by Evie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take him to court for sole custody of your boys, your boys are old enough to give there testimony and the courts will see he what it is he truly is. Just cover your bases.
2006-10-06 16:23:53 · answer #8 · answered by kibbles 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i dont know where u live but this court battle needs 2 stop ur just recking ur children,,,but in most states the areage limits where the children can choice to live with what parent ,,it might be worth checking into
2006-10-06 16:27:07 · answer #9 · answered by paperrosie77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋