you know when he does something that hurts you but you decide to keep it inside and say "ah no big deal i won;t make a big Deal about that i know he didn't mean to .. i prefer spending time talking or whatever than me telling him how much what he did,like not call or whatever dumb thing, annoyed me and him spending an hour saying hes' sorry"..so you avoid it... but then they pile up and you're pissed and you wanna show you're annoyed and back off a bit so you expect him to pamper you for a while and do his best to satisfy you with whatever seriously but then..ok he does love you SO much but he would think maybe she doesn't want me,, okay I'll back off myself..i don't know.. what shall i do.. shall i go for it?..shall i show i got pissed?..shall i put our relation on the edge and try ignoring him for a day and see what he does?.. plzzz help..its killing me inside out..
2006-10-06 16:20:19 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I think it depends on what you want to accomplish. I would not reccommend playing games - honesty is truly the best policy. That said, I think that if you want him to know that he hurt you then you need to say that your feelings are hurt instead of "scratching the itch" and telling him that he's an insensitive jerk. If you can manage to stick with "I" statements then you are less likely to get anger or withdrawal as a response. For example, "My feelings were really hurt when you didn't call and I was worried about your safety" or "I feel sad when I am excited to see you and it doesn't work out". Its hard for people to react angrily when you stick with "I" statements. I don't reccommend ignoring because it's not what you want to do and you are doing it to get a reaction - a reaction that you may not like. Stay away from games and stick with honesty. You might also try counseling and work on codependency issues. Believe me, I've been there and it does help. I have to return to therapy for "tune-ups" occassionally, but my life is better when I follow the non co-dependency program. Good luck!
2006-10-06 16:29:56 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
All of this is my opinion, and I cannot claim to know any more than anyone else on the subject, but I think the only way a relationship can work is by both partners being honest and straightforward. If something bothers you, even if it is just him not giving you a hug in the morning, you should be open about it, but not to make him feel bad, just to let him know. Also, being empathetic of other people's situations and feelings is an important factor. Maybe he had a lot on his mind, or maybe he was afraid of what you or others would think or say. As I said before, I can only help with my ideas and opinions. In the end, what you do is up to you alone.
2006-10-06 23:36:46 · answer #2 · answered by short one 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Really from experience and what i have learned from being in a long relationship is that if something is bothering you, you cant let it in. Like you said, they pile up and one day you will blow up and it will end bad. So yes show him your mad. But one thing i also learned is that if you want to ignore him a forget about him for a day its not going to be easy but you need to find other things to do, and you need to keep busy. If you dont then it will go by slow. If you ignore him it will make the relationship stronger because it will show thet you can show your emotions and you both can go a day without speaking.
2006-10-06 23:24:57 · answer #3 · answered by aricalyn10<3 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When something hurts, let it out. Not argumentatively but explain what you feel. When you keep things inside, resentment will tend to grow until it will eventually spew like a volcano and possibly end the whole relationship. You don't need him making up for the things you feel he has done wrong, you need him to understand what makes you hurt and confused. If he can't half way meet what you need, you may want to look else where for Mr. Right. No one needs to feel like they are being "killed" inside out. Good Luck.
2006-10-06 23:29:52 · answer #4 · answered by MEDUSA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to confront him when the situation lends itself, not a week later. Communication. Do it out of love. If you really love someone you will tell them the truth about themselves in a kind way. You are not loving yourself by doing this. He may not even be aware of your needs. He may just need to know. Get a book on how to communicate with the ones you love.
2006-10-06 23:26:14 · answer #5 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just ignore the hurt if you wish to continue the relationship. Or reason it with him and find out what is really bugging him. Don't get pissed. That won't help.
2006-10-06 23:25:18 · answer #6 · answered by MARS1951 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a bad habit of that as well. But if you can't talk to him about it you need to learn to leave hints to him so you wont be so mad or say it as a joke. "well I was on the phone with sandy cuz you didnt call me." That way he knows that you noticed and you dont have to ignore him
2006-10-06 23:48:02 · answer #7 · answered by pirategirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ah, you nurture your frustrations, coddle them like a lap dog, stroking it's fur, waiting for it to get big and strong... and then you blow, you either explode with a frightening surge or you implode and just have a nervous breakdown... i am trying to get out of it myself... you are just going to have to learn to address the issues as they come instead of simmering until you become an emotional wreck, it isnt healthy.
2006-10-06 23:25:30 · answer #8 · answered by bad kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok im no expert, but maybe you should try expressing yourself differently. Like maybe talking or maybe you should try that "ignoring" thing. But, like i said, im not an expert at this.
2006-10-06 23:23:29 · answer #9 · answered by retardedlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im in ur position, i dont know what to do all i can say is im so sorry ur going through this i know its hard but understand there are people like ur friend all over the world. i dont know what to do im sorry. :(
2006-10-06 23:22:10 · answer #10 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋