I am terrified. I've been married two years and I realize that I regret marrying my husband. What do I do?

Question

We just had a baby and he promised before I had the baby that he would try and get a better job so that I can stay at home with her. That didn't happen. He hardly tried and prefers playing his computer games more. Now I have to go back to work, and because I make more than he does, he gets to stay at home with her. I'm very resentful. He's not as motivated as me and I feel he hardly steps up to the plate.

Answer 1

The best thing you can do, before you take any huge steps, is to sit down and talk with him. Let him know exactly how you feel. Tell him what you just told us. Tell him he needs to start helping and stepping to the plate and if he can't, then make a decision of what would be better for you and your baby.

Answer 2

Honey,
God Works In Mysterious Ways! In The Beginning When The Two Of You Married One Another Their Must Have Been Love, Friendship, Devotion, & Trust. And Now That You Guys Have Been Together For 2 Yrs Both Of You Are Beginning To See That Everone Has Flaws In Their Lives & Marriage. If The Two Of You Are Truly In-Love, And You Guys Are Devoted To One Another, And You Do Want Your Marriage To Work & Last. Not Only For Your Child, But Also For The Two Of You. You Guys Will Begin To Put Some Effort Into Your Relationship And Not Only Work Together As A Family, The Two Of You Will Also Want It And Enjoy It As Well. Now If That Seems Impossible For You. Then You Should Just Move On
With Your Life.
Good Luck & God Bless You Both!

Answer 3

Generally man are lazy, motovate him and sit and talk without hurting him irrespective of whether he is right or wrong. Do not give any judgement or prove any authority as a teacher. Understand him.

When men take up the work they are not only fast but very fast. Just get to know why he hides behind the game.

Could be having some kind of frustration???
Is he low on his morale ???
Is someone words hurting him ???
Maybe you will get an answer.

U do not have to be terrified, there may not be any mistake,
u just have to be like a torpedo.

A topedo when blasted to reach the target moves forward, if any obstruction comes it corrects the course and moves and corrects the course till the target is achieved, it does not sit still if the targert is not reached.

Put youself in the place of torpedo and see ur life u may be able to come out of it.

Answer 4

In an ideal world, he would have got the job and ...then you had the baby. This is a sad situation. I think Dr. Phil would say that you should check in with each other and talk to see if you are both committed enough to seek counselling. Often (my experience) the guy will refuse and deny the problem but he needs to know that if that maternal drive is discounted, there will likely be problems now and later on. Good luck. Stand by what you need and want and be prepared to compromise by sharing time home with your baby ....as long as he is a committed and active parent.

Answer 5

You really need to talk. I realize you probably have made several attempts.... but it's all in the COMMUNICATION , and communication isn't just talking, it's also listening, and applying.

Have a talk with him tell him how you're feeling, as much as you want to knock his block off for playing games over taking responsibility for him and his family, still, try to be gentle with your words (that will keep him listening to you), when his voice escalates out of anger or defense, keep your cool. Affirm him that you're not trying to take his games "fun" away, but things do need put into moderation. Hopefully for the sake of your baby you two can work something out so that the baby grows up knowing the both of you -

If that doesn't work, (I really believe that it will), in a different conversation at a different time, you might want to suggest counseling for the both of you.

Answer 6

I'm going to do my best not to be disrespectful to your husband, but, I'm a workaholic. I accept this like a badge of honor. Anytime I see someone who finds ways to shirk their responsibility, it just burns me up.... O.K. You need options. Divorce isn't a good option. In ten-twenty years you WILL notice that your child isn't as well adjusted as others. Divorce just does that. Counseling is usually a direct route to divorce, as per what I've been reading lately. My advice.....loose the computer! If that doesn't work then loose whatever is occupying his time when he should be out looking for work. Start scheduling out his day. Include possible jobs he can apply for and then schedule the call back on those jobs if no one calls immediately. Basically what I am saying is if he wants to act like a child, you start acting like his Mom! Show him "stay at home" life sucks big time! Final approach is move back in with mom and dad and tell hubby to grow up or get out. Give him time to do it though. One or two weeks is not long enough to turn ones life around, if one is immature.

Answer 7

I can't possibly know what's in his heart (or yours for that matter). I do know that many women are dissatisfied with their husbands these days. Perhaps he is less motivated. Or, just for grins, lets ponder this possibility: that maybe he feels deep inside how you feel about him. Many people - especially spouses - will play out the image the other has of them, feeling that "why should I try, she'll never think much of me." I know I've been in such situations; and maybe you have too. It's so difficult to find motivation within yourself if you know it won't get compensated for or appreciated. I consider myself adept at determining forces (both within and from without) that influence our lives and your marriage. I know that Feminists are influencing women to be dissatisfied with their husbands and, hence, the high divorce rate. I think it's a shame because all a man (or anyone for that matter) needs is someone to believe in him. He'll give you the world. All he needs is a sign that you respect and have confidence in him.

Answer 8

It takes both paychecks to live comfortable these days for most people.I would suggest that you both work.I have two children and understand how you feel.If he is going to stay home with the baby he should also take on all the house hold chores as well.Then when you come home you can take over and spend time with the baby.I hope things work out for you!

Answer 9

First of all people are not always what they seem,trust me been there done it.If you have done everything you can to get him to go to work and if refuses to make a effort at it then it sounds like he is lazy or maybe he maybe thinking that it's cheaper instead of paying for daycare since you are able to make more money.But if daycare is not the reason then I say as long as you can take care of the baby's daycare then move on without him.

Answer 10

I feel your pain girl. If you divorce and he's unemployed, you wont get a cent. Infact he may try to get spousal support from you. You will only hate him more as time passes. I know I would. Talk to a lawyer and see what your options are. You should respect your husband, not loathe him for being a lazy provider. I'm sorry with you.