and he just denies it.He is in the Army,been away for 5 months,told me he wanted a divorce while he was away,came back to me and the kids,(4 of them),on 9-18-06,got an email w/him and another woman in a picture,will not let me near his cell phone,getting calls and text msgs,overheard a conversation where he called someone sweetie and told her to call him the next day. Didn't want to be physical w/ me when he first got back,have since been together,says he doesn't know what he wants - to stay married,ect. He is also deploying to Iraq for a year in mid to late October. I do not know what to do,I love him,but I do not know whether to hope he has reality slap him in the face in Iraq and he faces what he is going to lose,or just hope that this just burns itself out. Why not just admit to screwing around and take it as the golden ticket to get out of the marriage? Why would he still be here? Please help!!!
2006-10-06 16:15:21 · 14 answers · asked by jah92368 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I cannot get his code to his cellphone,have no idea what it is,always keeps it locked,and hides it and his keys.I don't htink that he intended to cheat,but I just know that he did,so WHY not come clean and admit to it? Yes,child support would be a ***** for him to pay,but isn't it better to pay it than live a lie; and yes the kids Do know what is happening,all except for the 6 yr old.For him ,his daddy is still his hero!! Thanks for the answers,right now I am just miserable and feeling really low,wondering what kind a life I can have as a 38 yr old single mother with four kids.Having a little pity party right now.
2006-10-06 16:40:21 · update #1
He wants his cake and to eat it too. Question is here, even though you love him and have four children with him, are you will to put up with this? He isn't going to change. There is no trust here, and I think you have reason not to trust him. It may hurt you, but I don't think what he is doing to you, and to you children (it does affect the children too) is fair. He sounds like a pig.
2006-10-06 16:20:32 · answer #1 · answered by Evie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If You Are Feeling This Way Then You Should Just Leave Him. I Think That The Only Reason Why He Has Not Left You Yet Is Because You Are Allowing Him To Stay With You & Your Kids, And You Are Taking The Humilation That He Is Giving To You. When He Can See That He Has His Cake And Is Eating It Too, Of Course He Is Going To Stick Around! You Should Put A Stop To This And Let Him Know That You Are Not Going To Take His Crap Any More! Maybe If He See's That You Have Had Enough Of His Bull, Reality Will Slap Him In The Face!!!!!
Good Luck!!!!!
2006-10-06 18:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by bigred 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No pity party, your kids need at least one reliable parent. And 38 years old is not over the hill. As for why you would even consider still keeping him, wake up. He has disrespected you, your children and your marriage. And god knows what he might have been exposing you to from sleeping around. You say you still love him, it will pass. It won't work when you love someone and they throw it back in your face. Do whats best for you and your children and move on.There are men out there that love children and love women with children. They deserve to be happy and so do you. As for your husband getting a slap of reality. When and if he ever does, he's lose.He doesn't need to admit cheating if you already know. Obviously he doesn't have that much respect for you to be a man and fess up.Value yourself and your children, boot him to the curb and find someone who will give you the love and respect you deserve.And on his way out inform his CO of what he has done.The military doesn't like cheaters, it tarnishes the uniform. They may even make sure you get support for your family right out of his pay. Your heart will mend. Put more value on yourself and make your own happiness.
2006-10-06 17:18:21 · answer #3 · answered by hope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to the cell phone company ask for a copy of the bill and call the # that is such a secret then confront him. Do not divorce him before he leaves for Iraq even if he is cheating keep the benefits and just see other people if you so choose and if he does divorce you there are many men out there that would be proud to have a single mother of 4 trust me i was a single mother of 2 and the offers came in alot before i remarried.
2006-10-06 16:44:39 · answer #4 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl. I am sorry to hear about that. 14 yrs is a long time. The phone calls, text messages, etc are all signs of him cheating. I dont know what to tell ya. But I do know this: He sounds like he wants a divorce, and if thats the case, let him divorce ya & take him for all he has. Yes, I am sure you do love him. But you may need to move on & find someone who really LOVES YOU!
2006-10-06 16:35:07 · answer #5 · answered by Amy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He obviously has had sex with other women or he would have been starving for you after 5 months!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
When he is in the shower search his cell phone or grab his phone and go for a quick drive to search the numbers and txt msgs. Be sure to look in the photos or online emails. Reply to the email he rec'd at home and say "Hey, thanks for the pic from Mrs. (your name.)
Reality slap him in the face??? You are his reality. Give him a slap by telling him he is lying and you know it. After he finally admits to other women you tell him to cut contact. Tell him he has to go to marital therapy with you before he deploys.
Tell him he owes that much to his children- to try to make his marriage work. Ask him what he would do if you were having an affair. He is staying because he is feeling the responsiblity of 4 kids. He knows his paycheck will be miniscule after paying child support for 4 kids and your alimony.
Ask him how you can better meet his needs....respect, emotionally, sexually, etc. Tell him you want your marriage to work and that you have faith that your marriage will improve after you learn to communicate better.
I have many other tips on how to catch him. Email me.
2006-10-06 16:30:56 · answer #6 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a friend who divorced her husband who was also in the military and I will tell you the child support is sweet!You really need to give him the boot and let him get a taste of what life is like without you before he goes to Iraq.You can hire a private investigator to see if he is playing you.Have you ever watched cheaters?Well their are private investigators that do the same thing only not on national television.
2006-10-06 16:38:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I hate to break it to u but it looks like he's already living the single life. If he doesn't want to be married anymore there's nothing u can do but move on with your own life. My husband's also in the military and not once did he doubt whether he still wanted to be married to me or not. So I suggest u make up your mind, as far as this marriage goes and start looking out for yourself.
2006-10-06 16:23:38 · answer #8 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about checking up on him, leave the bastard! NOW! And don't do him any favours over custody. Clean him out for alimony and see if the skank he's seeing sticks around when he's broke. AND DON'T TAKE HIM BACK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. KICK HIM OUT. DON'T WIMP OUT. You and the kids will be better off and his lying, cheatin' a*ss will be toast! I know plenty of guys that don't care how many kids a gal's got.
2006-10-07 01:36:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honey im so sorry but the military changes people..does he tell you he really loves her if so get whats urs and ur childrens and move on make a life for those children they know it wasnt anything they did ...after his fling he will probably try 2 come back just be strong and dont go back it just happens again because u forgave them the first time good luck
2006-10-06 16:22:41 · answer #10 · answered by paperrosie77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋