My husband is an alcoholic and not interested in any kind of recovery right now. We've been separated for about 5 months. He also has an abusive temper and has done may things to blow my trust. If he were to get in recovery, does our marriage have a chance? I attend Al-Anon meetings weekly and a domestic violence women's group every 2 weeks.
2006-10-06 14:00:35 · 28 answers · asked by jessanderin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Recovery and meetings have worked in the past for alot of people,but, the only catch to that is that he has to want to quit. He has to want to recover and seek counciling. By the way it sounds, he doesn't want to do that. In which case I would have to say no. Unless he wants to get better You'll never be happy with him. My advice, I'm sorry to say, is to get divorced. He is abusive and doesn't want to get better. Your best bet is to just walk away.
AL-Anon is not just for the the alcoholic these days, it's also for the families of the alcoholics.
2006-10-06 14:10:04 · answer #1 · answered by colleenjoy79 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have had someone I loved alot who was/is addicted to alcohol, It is a very hard position to be in. It is so hard to walk away from sick people, it sometimes feels the same as walking away from a husband/wife who has become a cripple. However, when the alcohol comes packaged with an abusive temper, dishonesty and general bad financial management, it is very tempting to separate from them.
Your husband will not genuinely leave his alcohol on the condition that you would move back with him. He will fail. He will only stop on his own personal terms, and usually when he has lost all is pride and shame. At that point he may change. So please DO NOT get caught in the middle of this 'bribe game'.
We probably are not considering your own needs, you probably love your husband and would love to see things go back. Look inside your heart and decide what you really want. If you need to stay with your man, then gain the courage to get back in the marriage and help your husband get off alcohol but not on your terms, but his. If you don't have the energy for this, then you can remain where you are, separated.
2006-10-06 14:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by jackbauer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, My fiance is an Alcoholic. He hit me once out of a drunken rage and right away apologized and he has never done it again and before we got engaged he checked himself in and is continuing his treatment by going to meetings weekly and he has a real need to better himself!! When he first started his road to sobriety he changed many times and I had to adjust to those changes and still be supportive he had times where he would just cry for no reason he would be angry and not want to speak to me for a couple of days and yet I was still by his side. I was by his side because he chose to do this his self and I believe in him!! We never had trust issues and never will!! I'm marrying a man I just met a couple of months ago and he is still a wonderful human being that I will forever love!!! Your situation is not at all like mine this man doesn't want help even after hitting you and being separated for % months he doesn't love you!! You need to move on with your life and pray that man that he finds some help for his temper and his alcoholism!! That's really all you can do for him, most people don't quit until they have hit their own definition of rock bottom so you need to show him a part of rock bottom and as hard as it is let the rest find him!!! Believe me it will!! Good Luck to you!! :)
2006-10-06 14:03:48 · answer #3 · answered by EriksSweetheart 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Lets just put the drinking to the side I have almost never seen a relationship survive once the trust was lost. It will never be forgotten that it went down and you will never be the same happy go lucky couple you started off as. It tends to only get worse and for some reason people that go through hell for so long get it in their heads that there is nothing better out there for them. That's never the case. Better roads are out there some times ya just need to get out of the old wagon ruts to find the right path. Now throw drinking problems into the mix with violence and with broken trust forget it you will never get back to Seaseme Street. Its best to let the past go and move on. People seem to forget that there are millions of people out there dying to find some one to love and care for that have no major problems. Good luck and I really do hope you find your way back to a happier place.
2006-10-06 14:13:32 · answer #4 · answered by Chivalry77 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but not with an alcoholic in his disease. good for you going to the al-anon meetings. you will learn a great deal there and youll have a support system there. you can learn about co-dependancy and enabling and not to feel guilt or shame about whats going on.
if your husband seeks recvery because HE WANTS TO CHANGE for himself, then yes, there is a chance you can have a very deep, meaningful relationship with him. He will find spirituality, support and recognize reasons why he drinks. he can communicate more effectively and will eventually make his amends to you and the ones he has hurt. so yes, there is hope, but only if wants the help. if he is in denial, then you cant help him. e-mail me if you have more questions regaring the 12 step program of recovery.
2006-10-06 14:13:01 · answer #5 · answered by life beyond yur wildest dreams 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is the one that has to make up his mind if he wants to change, nobody can do it for him. It is nice to see you going to al-anon, but I'd be leary of the domestic violence group. They tend to get you all worked up and over exaggerate issues.
2006-10-06 16:06:42 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to stay with this man? He has more than one serious issue here. I can see that you would want him to get help but you have a life too. If he doesn't give a damn about trying to recover, not to mention the abuse, then he doesn't give a damn about the marriage. Go on with your life. Good Luck
2006-10-06 14:21:56 · answer #7 · answered by Bogie Boy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO....my best advice to you is get out now, before it's too late. I got married when I was 19 to a man who was an alcoholic( I didn't know til after we were married) and VERY abusive. I tried to leave and he threatened to kill me....I was his "prisoner" for six years and I am very lucky to be here today, if he doesn't want to try to get help there is absolutely no hope....please, do yourself a favor, cut your losses, chalk it up as a learning experience and run just as fast as you can go.........before it's too late. Good luck to you.
2006-10-06 14:12:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
As lon as he dosent want to be better honey... He aint gonna be better. if you want to be one of those long suffering women that can wait forever, thats fine as long as your psyche can handle it but with the abuse physically and mentally that you are getting... I say haul a** and save your self. Yes its painful but. moving on is less painfull than staying. Alcholism is a disease as well as an addiction. I had 3 uncles that were alcholics and they were always on and off the wagon. They all eventually died of alchol related diseases i.e. kidney/liver etc. failure. doo some deep research before you make your decision. God Bless.
2006-10-06 14:20:43 · answer #9 · answered by Agnon L 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know about being married to an alcoholic, but I can tell you that as a grown child of an alcoholic parent, you are making your life and your children's life miserable. It doesn't go away. The damage tha you are doing to yourself is irreversible.
2006-10-06 14:43:45 · answer #10 · answered by nichole2583 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋