i am so devastated.i did it for our own good.we are both married and we just couldnt be with eachother.and i dont want to break anybodies marriage.i feel marriage is sacred.but he called me crying saying that he cant imagine his life without me.and said he was going to move out and file for divorce because he wanted to be with me.i feel the same way.i told him to meet me at a cafe so we could talk.i want to convince him to stay with his wife.she loves him and doesnt deserve this.what can i say to convince him to stay married?how can i get over him?can we be just friends is it posible?any advice?this is eating us alive.
2006-10-06 13:26:01 · 7 answers · asked by super girl 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
obviously,you two love each other,if you didn't you wouldn't be asking a question like this.It sounds to me that his mind is made up,at this point she wouldn't be happy if he stayed,because he won't be.She didn't deserve it when it started.I know this may sound bitchy but if you were truly happy in your marriage you wouldn't be hurting as much as you are at the present moment in time,you need to look deep within yourself and come up with the answer.
2006-10-06 13:37:45 · answer #1 · answered by holliela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first you should have thought about this before it got to this point.even if you can convince him to stay with his wife he is going to do it again whether its with you or someone else.he wants his cake and eat it to.that's why he called and said he was filing for a divorce and stuff.if he was going to file for divorce he would have already done it.I'm not trying to bust your bubble but the damage is done.unless both of you plan to be honest and come forward with your spouses then why stay with them?they deserve better than that.a relationship is first and foremost suppose to be based on trust.you could not truly love someone and hold this back from them.you can give all the excuses you guys want.the truth is you both made a mistake its time to own up to it and take whatever comes with that.you might say well everyone lies now and then,and id say you are probably right.this however is something you dont lie about.you know as well as anyone you cant just be friends look were friends has got you guys now.just remember whatever comes out of this is what you guys have coming.if you guys want to stay with your spouses fine but tell them the truth and cut all ties I mean all ties between each other.if you cant do this then you need to do what is right then you can be together.
2006-10-06 13:38:37 · answer #2 · answered by porkchophaynes0206 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek Jesus. The power of prayer is very strong. This is infidelity and its wrong. U have children, u do not want them to see this going on. I know its a hard thing but lead not into temptation. Concentrate on your marriage and your children. Tell him how wrong it is and that if he does divorce his wife u are still not going to be with him. U will get over it. Talk to a counselor if u need to. But, if u Cannot live without him either then u need a divorce from your husband and he needs the same from his wife because this is not fair for either one of them to be going through and is just outright wrong. Would u like it if your husband was seeing another woman? Put yourself in his shoes. But for the sake of your man and those kids leave that married man or get a divorce. Good Luck!
2006-10-06 13:56:06 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
The only way you can convince him to stay married is to sever all contact with him. Do not meet him at the cafe. Friendship is never possible with this man. You will get over this with time.
You need to go to marital therapy with your husband.
Tell him you want to improve your marriage.
You apparently have needs that are not being met.
I'm sure your husband has unmet needs too since you have focused your emotional and sexual priorities on your lover.
2006-10-06 13:52:11 · answer #4 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the question to you is " how important is your marriage?" if you love your husband and want to spend the rest of your life with him, then that's what you need to do. it will be hard at first to break all connections off with your friend, but if you told him that you two have to stay away from each other, show him that you mean it. that you have picked your husband over him and that your husband is the man for you. if you chose to keep being friends with him you just might be setting yourself up for failure in your marriage. you'll have keep thinking about you and your husband. start doing more with your husband. husbands and wives can have dates too. if you find yourself thinking about your friend , tell yourself "no I'm not going to think about him" then remember something special that you and your husband have done together. i hope that you and your husband have many great years to come to you. good luck!
2006-10-06 13:55:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you can't just be friends. I imagine children are involved in this equation. Don't complicate your life, just run baby run and forget about trying to talk him into staying with his wife because it sounds like you're really just looking for validation from him about continuing this emotional affair. Stop it now before there's no turning back and he's not the only one crying.
And you hit the nail on the head, marriage is sacred.
2006-10-06 13:41:02 · answer #6 · answered by soulguy85 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're in love/lust with each other, a freindship is not going to work. Also, if it's true love, his marriage isn't going to work either unless you never see each other or talk to each other again. If you do try to make things work with this guy, keep in mind that he did make a commitment to his wife, and if he is willing to break that commitment for you, there's no reason to believe that he wouldn't leave you for someone else (his wife or someone else).
2006-10-06 13:32:20 · answer #7 · answered by Katie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋