My husband who I've been married to for 3 years, & been with for almost 10 yrs. we were best friends, soul mates, had a great sex life, & rarely fought and he cheated on me. It happened during the last three months of my pregnancy. I've forgiven my husband but I will never forget the horrible thing he did to me and his daughter. He still to this day can not give me a reason for why he did what he did only that he was curious about what it'd be like to be with some one other then me. The girl was 3 yrs. older then me and fat & ugly. So I know looks had nothing to do with it, b/c I'm drop dead gorgeous & I have an extremely high sex drive. My man was always getting some, and I'm adventurous, always roleplaying, & trying new things in the bedroom, even during my pregnancy. I only gained 24 lbs. during the pregnancy and I've lost 34 lbs since then so that's not it either. Just let me know what you all think about what happened to me. Thanks!!!
2006-10-06 10:48:43 · 23 answers · asked by shimmy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Your story isn't rare. What sticks out is the fact that he can't give you a reason why he did it. Sounds like you two had a real solid relationship. Funny thing is alot of men cheat on their pregnant wives/girlfriends. I know of 2 women that this happended to. One is a good friend of mine. He can't give her a reason either. If this is your first child, and even if it isn't, I think it has alot to do with fatherhood and looseing control and his identity. You had a baby growing inside of you, you had all the control. Feelings that he couldn't feel, even if he wanted to. This "fling" was his way of gaining control in a uncontrolable situation. Men have fears and doubts, that they can't express and don't know how to express. So they do stupid things. I don't condone cheating, and I am not going to tell you to leave him. But his cheating was because of his own insecurities. Thats why he picked the ugly fat girl, beacuse he has you the beautiful princess at home. See it wasn't about looks if he wanted beauty he could have just come home to you, but with her he was looking for his control and acceptance. Thats why it should be comforting to know that this has nothing to do with you as a wife/mother. I hope everything works out. And congrats on the new baby!
2006-10-06 11:07:44 · answer #1 · answered by sweetie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Being a baby boomer, there was this thing growing up that it took a real man to make a fat woman scream so maybe he was proving he was a real man. All kidding aside, its awesome that you have forgiven him for his escapade and are still with him, very admirable in todays society. Dont understand the ugly part especially when he had steak at home but he was either bored and scared of his pending family or like most cheating men, just wanted a little excitement by taking a walk on the wild side and ugly was all he could get. I sure wpouldnt want anyone to know about that part. But it sounds like the wild walk is probably the truth. Any guy that would cheat on someone like you is really stupid. Good luck with him
2006-10-06 11:27:10 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
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2016-10-15 22:17:00 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you just by reading your question. You are just way to into yourself nobody tells themselves that they are drop dead gorgeous. Beauty comes from the inside more then the outside. It is one thing to be confident and another by being conceited. Usually a conceited person has a very low self esteem and they want others to think that they have high self esteem. OK done with that answer. It could also be that your husband was scared he was going to hurt the baby and maybe a little turned off at the time you were pregnant. You need to ask him he is the only one who knows the answer. I think he was totally wrong by having an affair he should of never cheated on you for any reason.
2006-10-06 11:34:17 · answer #4 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think your husband exhibited bad judgement. If you can help it at all, do not take his actions personally; obviously, his conduct is not a reflection of who you are as a person or as a woman. What he did was unacceptable, irregardless of what she looked like or how old she was. Possible explanation that comes to mind is that he was under stress with the baby on the way and all, and was simply looking for a distraction. If he hasn't given you any reason to doubt his sincere remorse, perhaps it's wise to leave the past to the past, and focus on the present and the future. Even the best of the best slip sometimes. But if you feel this could be a tip of the iceberg - be careful; your gut feeling may be right.
2006-10-06 11:23:03 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I'm 5'0" and weigh 180 lbs. I'm sure that sounds pretty fat and ugly to you, but I still meet plenty of guys (yes even drop dead gorgeous ones) that think I'm attractive. Your husband had to have been attracted to her if he was willing to sleep with her and risk his marriage.
But let's be honest, there probably is no reason, he just did it. Temptation was there, and he followed it. They say pregnancy affects men in strange ways, maybe he could feel the pressure of all this new responsability coming on and wanted to escape it, at least temporarily. But really, is there any reason he could give you that would make you say "ok honey, i understand" ?
Personally I would have dumped him without a second thought!
2006-10-06 11:04:22 · answer #6 · answered by who-wants-to-know 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i feel this way about relationships: you have to make sure that you satisfy your partner mentally, emotionally, and physically. and your partner has to do the same for you. it must be a Priority to be the best person you can be, FOR your partner! having said that, u also need Expectations and Standards.
one of my standards is, cheating is non-negotiable. if my boyfriend cheated on me, it would take all the begging, and the biggest changes in order for me to even look at him again. the past "great" sex life, past "great" relationship is the PAST, if he has done something as threatening to the relationship as cheating. if u are willing to forgive him because of love, fine, but don't Allow this behavior. he needs to seriously change, and be able to Communicate with you, what is missing, and what you can do, together, to help the relationship Strenghten.
a marriage should grow with love Each Day, become Better, More Special, More happy. it takes so much damn work!!! but that is when it is Worth it...when u continue to work on each other, learn about each other, make each other happier. if one person isn't doing that, u are in Trouble!!! make sure u are doing ur best to be a wonderful wife and mother....that way, if he cheats or what have you, it is HIM who has the problem, and it is YOU who has the decision to make. but either way, he HAS to change, and EARN your trust back.
good luck...and ur right, looks are NOT everything...something is missing in your relationship. if he wont' help you find it, there's nothing u can do but move on. try ur hardest to work it out so u don't regret anything, but don't Allow this behavior to occur again.
2006-10-06 11:13:36 · answer #7 · answered by sasmallworld 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's already told you what his reason was, he was curious about being with someone other than you.
Now that he's done it once, he should have satisfied his curiousity. IF he should do it again, you should still forgive him, but leave the marriage, because it could turn into a habit that he can't get out of, and he would be dragging you around for the ride.
2006-10-06 11:07:05 · answer #8 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men have an insatiable need to know that they are still sexually desirable, I am sorry to say that he probably didnt even consider what he was doing to you and your daughter when he was cheating with the other woman it was just about seeing if he could seduce someone other than the one he is married to. But if you have forgiven him then why are you still so determined to make sense of it? To truly forgive means to move on and dont let it affect your future together
2006-10-06 11:00:59 · answer #9 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
i think men in general just get bored no matter how hard u try things or what u do in the bedroom they are always looking for new things
but maybe he just wanted to see what it would be like to be with someone different and maybe he had it as a thought for a while but he just didnt act on it till then maybe he thought that he should get it out of his system before ur daughter entered the world
2006-10-06 10:57:38 · answer #10 · answered by angelbaby 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋