Im currently deployed overseas. I met my wife in basic training and lately im wondering if I really do love her? I feel like I rushed into it so fast. I just turned 20 and im coming off my deployment.. and my son who will be a year old in a matter of weeks Ive seen a total of maybe 3 weeks. I want to see him so bad, but im already looking at volunteering to go on another deployment, just because of my marriage.. I would rather face the enemy then my wife. I feel like a coward, but also feel like a failure as a husband because as hard as I want to try to make it work..deep down inside I dont really want to, but I also dont wanna do that to my son. I say I love my wife on the outside but I feel different on the inside, I dont like who she is even though she is a good woman, she just doesnt fit "me".How to tell a wife who loves you more than anything with what most people would look at as a perfect family that you dont love her? and deal with myself afterwards.. or am I wrong completely?
2006-10-06 10:27:38 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's natural to disassociate when one is far from home and under combat stress. I would recommend that you make no decisions now. Seek some counseling when you get home to help you determine what you really want and give yourself some time to decompress. Re-upping will not solve your problem. It's just running away. You owe this to not only yourself but more importantly to your son. Making life changing decisions while serving in the armed forces in battle conditions is not a smart move. You're under more strain than you realize.
2006-10-06 10:37:25 · answer #1 · answered by anon_y_muse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Counseling, honey. Believe me, I have been where you're at, positive I just don't love my husband anymore. I went to counseling and he and I did quite a lot of talking. If it was there to begin with you CAN find it again, but no, I'm afraid it won't be easy. But you have to WANT to do it. I did and so did my husband. Spend more quality time together, getting to know your wife and your son, do things together as a family but also alone with your wife, even if it's only sitting together to watch a movie after the baby goes down for the night. Marriage is not an easy thing and I'm not entirely sure my husband and I didn't get married to begin with just b/c we had a kid together. Seriously. The first few years of our marriage were very rough, we lived like roommates who could barely stand each other, and less than a year ago I was on the verge of leaving him I was so unhappy. But we're still here, we fought for it, and we're finding our way back. I look in his eyes now and I finally see again the man I fell in love with and not this stranger I've been living with all these years. Just give it a chance honey. Then at least if it still doesn't work, you'll be able to say you gave it your all. But don't give up just yet. There is still hope.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-06 10:39:54 · answer #2 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. Do not let anyone tell you that! I am a veteran and I watched soldiers rush into marriage constantly. After 8 weeks of celibacy and solo action...it can be easy. It is said that you will either be married, a lush, or pregnant. I fell into the third. You love your son and sometimes it does not work out. That is fine.Do what is right by your baby. Do not run from it. You have to face it. I know that you will probally end up in the arms of someone else because you are not happy. Remember how the regs in the military can be. You do not want to be caught commiting adultery. Be encouraged. I know how this can be.
2006-10-09 15:55:44 · answer #3 · answered by 2fine4u 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW! Well, I wouldn't volunteer just to get away from your wife. That is not fair to your son, as I am sure you know in your heart. She is going to hurt really bad, she has probably been counting down the days till return ever since you left, and she has been taking care of the baby on her own. Maybe you two can reconnect that spark. If not you have to be true to yourself, and you are going to have to tell her. Don't lead her on. Plus see your son all that you can, all the time. You have missed out on a lot of first with him. He still is going to need a dad, so I hope you decided to stay in his life even if you don't want to see her. He is innocent. Let me just say, you have been brave going up against the enemy, I don't think that you need to be that afraid of your wife.
2006-10-06 10:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by Evie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sounds as though you got married and had a child to early. You did not get to know her well enough and you jumped right into it. You need to think of the reasons why you married her. Talk to her about how you are feeling but try to be as kind as possible. Talk to her about the good times you two once shared and see if that will spark anything up.
2006-10-06 10:45:00 · answer #5 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, you are so young. You are right, you rushed into something. I did too. I was almost married 3 years before I realized I rushed into something and I did not love this person and wanted out. Our son was 1 at the time.
Feelings and people change. Don't beat yourself up over it.
2006-10-06 10:49:11 · answer #6 · answered by Simply Lovely 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like youve been going through a lot of changes and your really young---one thing that should not change and should remain constant is your love for your wife---if it fades or changes so substantially so quickly then there is a problem--try talking things over with a counselor--counselors are better because they are totally objective--family and friends probably wont understand and worse might make judgement calls--=so my advice is dont do anything but get some counseling military provides that ask your co----before you make any decisions------------good luck
2006-10-06 10:40:20 · answer #7 · answered by darkangel1111 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be honest. How do you know she isn't feeling the same way. You should just be straight with her. It is going to be better for all three of you that way. The baby will be young enough to not remember. Just keep it cordial and respectful. And, don't cheat on her. Wait to get involved with someone else. You will be glad in the long run. Good luck. Life is too short to be with someone you aren't wholeheartedly in love with. Thanks for protecting our country.!
2006-10-06 10:36:03 · answer #8 · answered by kimmypoo 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it quite is how he needs you to sense. At this element, why might want to you want all and sundry? even with in the journey that they are extra perfect? commence making a log of each and every of the cases he is going out, and what time he's geared up in and in what condition. assemble friends or your relatives to help in letting the choose understand how he handles his existence. He might want to no longer attempt for visitation or might want to get it and get truly bored truly instantly. If he might want to take you for visitation, be particular you enable your legal professional understand of your concerns and concerns UP the front earlier the listening to ,that way a no alcohol section might want to be extra to the courtroom order. do no longer enable this guy drag you down any extra then you quite already are. in case you've been adequate to jot down this, you're adequate to take the subsequent step and the subsequent one to grant a respectable existence for you and your son!
2016-12-04 08:33:31 · answer #9 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with your wife.Stay calm and do not say mean things. She will be hurt..expect her to be mad and let her. Give her whatever emotional support you can and let her get her life back. Show her respect...always be there for your son...do not run away. Better to divorce now than wait 18+ years. You would both regret it.
2006-10-06 10:41:26 · answer #10 · answered by kachamp74 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋