Im not looking to leave my husband at this point because of my kids but looking for just a person to be close to and have conversations with ....does that make me bad?
2006-10-06 09:53:58 · 39 answers · asked by busy_softball_mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Get a girlfriend!!!!!!! What if you get close to this guy... and you start to fall for him no meaning to.. and then the next thing you know you are unfaithful I dont think its a good idea, and I dont think your hubby would like the idea of that either.
2006-10-06 09:56:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, it doesn't make you bad but it suggests that you don't have the best decision-making skills. You're asking for permission to cheat.
Make a decision about your marriage. Is your marriage beyond repair and ending it is inevitable? If it is, then you need to come up with a plan to end your marriage. If you can end it amicably with your husband, where your children can have two happy single parents instead of living under the stress of two unahppily married people, wonderful.
If you're going to try and work it out, then get counseling. Even if you decide to split, a counselor can help you and your husband navigate a very diffucult time and give you tools to help your children.
If you decide to form a friendship, then physical relationship with someone other than your husband, be sure you can handle the worst case scenario: The man you become involved with is psycho and starts stalking you; later, on the way home from the doctor, who has told you you're pregnant, his office leaves a message at your home which your husband gets: you have an STD and both of you need to come to his office immediately.
No, I'm not being sarcastic. People make poor decisions, their lives suddenly qualify as an episode for Maury and they wonder what they did to deserve it. If you think you can handle the pain that any slips in your plan would wreak upon your husband and children, you'd better think about your plan again.
2006-10-06 10:14:21 · answer #2 · answered by Le_Roche 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it's just conversations I say go for it. But I'll bet you $5 that it will lead to a sex in not much time and that would be wrong. Instead of trying to find someone else why not focus that energy on trying to workout whatever is wrong with your relationship. Unless you've already done so then in that case you should just leave him. I think it would cause alot more pain tio your kids if your husband and them would find out you're having an affair.
Good luck to you.
2006-10-06 10:09:08 · answer #3 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is with another guy then wanting something more than just conversation makes you a dirty slut. It also makes you a selfish and horrible mother as you are ignoring the effect it will have on your kids.
If you aren't happy get a divorce, it is a stupid idea to be in a loveless marriage just for the sake of your kids. Actually if they grow up thinking that is what marriage is like you will damage them and thier opinions of marriage, maybe even make them hesitant to one day get married.
Staying married "for your kids" does nothing good for anyone. You are unappy, and you could hurt your kids more and once they realize you did that when they are older you are making a statement to them that it is ok to just run away from your problems. What kind of mother does that?
2006-10-06 10:03:26 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It isn't bad, but you should never stay with someone just because of the children. Yes, seperating is hard on them but living in a home where there is negativity is much worse. You should talk to your husband and tell him that you don't feel you can talk to him, or be close to him. You should want these things from him and if you don't, your relationship is in trouble. Try talking it out with him, or seeing a therapist together. I think you need to try to make your husband your close friend, not another man.
2006-10-06 10:03:27 · answer #5 · answered by rebelwitch80 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe in going outside the marriage to a member of the opposite sex for a "friendship". If you are truly unhappy and want to be with someone else then you should leave. What is wrong with having a girl friend to talk to. Talking to a member of the opposite sex about your husband is an invitation for an affair. Talk to your husband and maybe seek counselling either together or separate. I wish you the best! God bless!
2006-10-06 10:03:24 · answer #6 · answered by Purple Rose 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well that is INTIMACY and just as bad as physically cheating
I went through the same thing.
I had an ex that I went to Hawaii with, he was gorgeous with a rock hard army body, young and we had the best time together. When married life got boring and my husband quit appreciating me and the money problems started I started my fantasizing about the past, with ex. Fantasized about him constantly.
8 years into the marriage I discovered my husband was cheating. I filed for divorce and went looking for ex.
I found him. We got back together and fell deeply in love all over again. I was so extremely happy.
5 months later it fell apart.
3 months later I was back with my husband just a few days before the divorce was finalized.
I now think that God put these events in place to make my husband see what he had in his wife and what he had to lose and let him see another man walk away with his family AND for me to see that the ex that I had fantasized about was only a fantasy and the reality of him was nothing like the fantasy and that I was in love with my husband, that ex was not love, just a distractive memory.
I wish you the best of luck and encourage you to pray about this.
2006-10-06 10:11:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You REALLY have yo ask? You are MARRIED to someone else. What if he wants to have a friend to talk to and maybe more. You took a vow to love your husband. it's pretty sad that on top of everything else, you have kids. How would they feel to know that their mother is f*cking someone other than their Dad??? Think about it, breaking up a marriage just to get some on the is crazy. Think about the effect on your children. Sounds like you're being selfish and thinking about your own needs. Sleep with your husband.
2006-10-06 10:11:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your in a bad relationship, don't stay in it just for the kids. By doing so you are teaching them that it is ok to be in a bad relationship and not do anything about it. If you go out and possibly end up hooking up with some other guy you will be teaching your kids that cheating is better than divorce. Do yourself and your kids a favor and either work things out in your marriage or end the marriage and then start looking for love again.
2006-10-06 09:58:05 · answer #9 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would you think it was alright if your husband done the same thing,wouldn`t you consider that as cheating on his part.sounds like the everyday married life has become a little dull for you ,that your wanting a little bit of excitement in your life.But if you find another man and leave your husband for what you think will be more exciting,your in for a very rude awakening all marriages can become dull after the newness wares off.The smart person works on ways to bring the spark and excitement back into your marriage
2006-10-06 10:20:25 · answer #10 · answered by ravenmo2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No it does not make you a bad person. My wife is a communicator and I am not. I do not mind that she has outside interest with other men and women. She always calls to advise that she will be late and that she is at so and so's. Just be up front with your husband and it will not cause problems down the road. If your looking for more than conversation, then talk to him about that also, he may want to watch or join in ;-) Good luck.
2006-10-06 09:59:50 · answer #11 · answered by loser 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋