We both wanted children and when we found out my wife could not bear a child to term we tried everything except adoption as my wife di not want to adopt. Since then I kept telling my self it would be OK. In the last year many other things have been happening between us and the idea of children has resurfaced for me. I feel as though I have changed my mind about it being OK. I really feel like I want a child of my own. In the beginning I would have been willing to adopt but, I think I feel differently about that now also. This is kind of a weird question coming from a man but, I don't feel like I have stopped loving my wife although things have been in kind of a downward spiral. I think it is more the result of my ambivalence due to the children issue. Surrogacy is way out of our league financially. Unfortunately I don't think I will feel satisfied in life if I don't take a good chance at being a father. I know that I may still fail but I will have taken my chances.
2006-10-06 09:21:57 · 30 answers · asked by D v 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if it is something you truly want and she is unable, its very difficult, you deserve to try and she deserves a man who will accept her no matter what
2006-10-06 09:25:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well I do understand your concerns and your need/want to have a child, but at the same time, it's not as though she can have a child and just won't do it, she can't have one. Ask yourself if you love your wife? If the answer is yes you will work something out. You can either try to re-open the discussion of adoption or come up with new ideas.
2006-10-07 14:50:00 · answer #2 · answered by Christina K. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really sounds like there's more to it than just that. Marriages don't end because of 1 thing. It's usually a combination of things that add up to the straw breaking the camel's back.
Make sure you're really ready to walk away. Maybe the downward spiral is a result of her feelings of insecurity as a result of her being barren. Have you consciously or unconsciously thrown that in her face? Was she insecure in the first place and this just made it worse? Are you sure there are no other alternatives you can try to have a baby together? Why is adoption absolutely out of the question?
You should really TALK it out before you decide you don't want to WORK it out.
Hope this helps. Good Luck!!
2006-10-06 09:29:06 · answer #3 · answered by dct1218 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Humm, this is a yes and no question. You should not just bail out on your wife because of this, but since it was a precondition to the marriage, you are within your rights to do so. I think you guys need some serious counseling to resolve this. If this country (I'm assuming you are in the US) was not so hung up on monagomy, you could easily have a second wife, or at least a girlfriend, have a child with her, support all of you, and be a happy, although slightly different, family. If she is not willing to think outside the box, then I guess you have no choice but to divorce her if you can't adjust to not having a child.
2006-10-06 09:27:12 · answer #4 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yes i think is a wrong way or thing in changing the way u feel about her due to ur situation. I am very sorry / indeed everyone does want their own child but thing could happen it not ur fault or her fault, i say if u loved her u would stay by her side meaning if u really loved her,,, if not then u should be honest and open up to her and tell her how thngs has change for u,,,,,,, maybe shell understand and trust it will bw hard on her to brake it off if the realtionship is weellll,,, i wish u the best and no it not wierd that why we are here to listen and give advises to those who need it....
I wish you the best in life and think about if that is what u want to do leave her to get someone eles prego just to have a kid? smile
2006-10-06 09:29:50 · answer #5 · answered by lulu 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I can say this much: I cannot have children because I had to have a hysterectomy. My husband and I have always wanted children, but in the end decided not to adopt. But if my husband left me because he wanted children that I couldn't give him, I'd be devastated! I used to really be upset that I couldn't have children, but have now accepted it. If the situation were reversed and my husband was the one who was infertile, I would not leave him just because I wanted children. Why? Because I love him. On another note, you need to realize that being a father is a HUGE responsibility. If you can't handle being married because you're not getting what you want, what makes you think you could handle being a father? And if you are the type of man who "falls out of love" with a woman because of something she can't even control, what kind of example will you be for your child? A very bad one, in my opinion.
2006-10-06 09:51:43 · answer #6 · answered by superfluity 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I would be devastated if my husband left me because I could not have his child. I would be very hurt. I understand that it is important to have a child but you married her for sickness and in health. She probably already feels bad about the situation and there is really nothing she can do about it. I would have a long talk with her regarding adopting a child there are so many children out there waiting to be loved and taken care of. Good luck
2006-10-06 09:32:07 · answer #7 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, it is wrong of you to think that. In life, we are faced with many difficult choices, this being one of them. You can't blame your wife for not being able to bear children. This is a choice that a higher authority has made and you have no control over it. I believe that your wife is being selfish in not looking at the alternatives that you have available to you, such as adoption or a surrogate. And you can't fail at being a parent...you are either good at it or not good at it...and I'm sure you will be very good at it....let your wife give you that opportunity! Look into adoption, surrogates, and check your local newspaper for opportunities for "unwanted children." Consult with your clergyman and a psychologist. They can also guide you in your search for the appropriate answers. I'm sure you are still in love with your wife. This is a little speed bump in the path of life. Don't let it slow you down! Best of luck to you.
2006-10-06 09:44:26 · answer #8 · answered by rtgoldy 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Not if ur marriage is unfullfilled, thats why people divorce because they are not getting what they want out of the relationship. It would be a hard thing to swallow morally but ultimately u are responsible for ur happiness. Adoption might be ur only solution, reconsider. There should be great satisfaction in knowing that u would be rescuing a child who otherwise didnt ask to be in such a situation.
2006-10-06 09:28:44 · answer #9 · answered by freak_oftheindustry 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this will make u and ur wife argue. u love she and married she, now u ask want divorced cause she could't bear children, u know how hurt if u wife know???// mayb she also wan her own child but her health can't give it, she also unhappy, u know??????u just think about urself, u must care about ur wife heart feeling. maybe u can be a great father but u cannot be a great husband.
2006-10-06 23:24:38 · answer #10 · answered by ying 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
follow your heart but be willing to face the consequences. Having a child can fill your life but not having one should not be the reason why you should stop loving your wife or feel empty as if something is missing. there are so many things and ways to fill that emptiness up. you just have to find it. Good Luck.
2006-10-06 09:25:47 · answer #11 · answered by wittlewabbit 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋