My man and I have been together for a year this upcoming wednesday. We have had a baby, we live together, we are very happy, but he has never said that he loves me. He acts like he does and he does things that show me he does but how do I get him to actually say that he loves me. He was really hurt in the past by one of his ex's. She did him really wrong. He's never had a real stable life either he has moved around a lot and he was kinda abandoned by his mom when he was 15. She didn't really abandon him it was more like they were moving and she gave him the choice to eiter go with them or stay. And he stayed but had no where to go. And now he has a very stable life with me and our daughter but he won't say he loves me. How do I get him to do it? PLEASE HELP.
2006-10-06 08:56:57 · 14 answers · asked by Kimberly S 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I'm 23 and when I ask him what his feelings for me are he says that he has feelings for me because I'm the mother of his child, or that his feelings are very strong for me, and/or he says that he cares very deeply for me.
2006-10-06 09:01:56 · update #1
Men generally find it difficult to express their feelings, with words. Judging from your man's background he is going to find it even more difficult than the average guy to say those 3 words.
Most guys operate under the belief that actions speak louder than words, so therefore it shouldn't be necessary to actually say "I love you". Another part of it (& I'm not making excuses for him) is that we say it so infrequently, that we find it hard to identify an appropriate moment to say it. We fear that if we do say it, it won't be received as expected, or viewed as inappropriate. Most of the time, we wait until our partner says "I love you" & then if we are at the top of our game we say it back, "I love you", but sometimes we get caught off guard & then all we manage is a "Uh, yeah, ummmm DITTO, Honey".
I know that I have also had the experience where I really had to muster up a lot of courage to say it, & then was told by my mate, that she didn't want to hear me say that if it was forced.(even though I meant it)
He probably does love you very much, but either takes it for granted that you already know it, so therefore he doesn't have to open a minefield by saying it in so many words, or he's very uncomfortable expressing his feelings.
I hope by giving you some insight, you will be able to figure out a way to make him more comfortable expressing his feelings for you.
Good Luck.
2006-10-06 09:23:53 · answer #1 · answered by No More 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Time is the second law of thermodynamics in action. That can be proven true. As for love and imagination, there are changes in the brain that correlate with the experiences of love and imagination. At the moment it's impossible to prove that when we see those changes happening in the brain the person is experiencing those things, because we don't have the ability to examine exactly what's happening in the brain, we can only infer it. But that's all by the by. I have experienced time, love and imagination. I have also heard and read of people experiencing those things. The sheer weight of evidence makes it abundantly clear that these are universal human experiences. I have not experienced God. Nor have seen anything that I regard as a reliable account of anyone who has experienced God. That's why I'm an atheist. It's not about proving anything, it's about weighing up the evidence and coming to a conclusion.
2016-03-18 05:52:06 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the best thing you can do is tell him how you feel. He may not be aware that women sometimes need to HEAR things, not just feel them. Although he does the right things, takes care of you and your daughter, etc. he may have a hard time saying the actual words. If you explain to him how important this is, I am sure he will at least try, or explain to you why he can't. With everything he has been thru, it may be difficult for him to say those words. Good luck.
2006-10-06 09:01:45 · answer #3 · answered by Gaby A 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He loves you it's just that everything that he loves has left him and he doesn't want to lose you so if its important for you to hear the words then tell him how you feel and Tell him that you aren't going anywhere and that it's okay for you to say that he loves you and take it from someone who has been in love with a man for the past eight years and have never heard those words
2006-10-06 09:02:45 · answer #4 · answered by Ms Drea 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he said that the extent of his feeling for you are that you are the mother of his child and that he cares about you, then it seems like he loves you, but he's not IN love you. I think its very mature of him to not blurt that out if he doesn't feel like he really means it, and that seems to be the case. I think what you have to decide is if you love him enough, and you love him for who he is and what your relationship is. Eventually it will either come, or it won't. But don't pressure him, enjoy what you guys have together now, without trying to make it into more than he wants. He sounds like a great person!
2006-10-06 09:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by Sweet Belly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever heard that actions speak louder than words. My hubby always tells me he loves but can't really show it like he wants too.Has that mom problem from childhood & not sure how to show his feelings. If all you are worrying about is him saying it ..don't. Let him say it when he is ready ! If he is good to you & supports you & that baby you have got more love than any words can express.
2006-10-06 09:18:05 · answer #6 · answered by "karma" 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you have to accept him the way he is. If he never said he loved you prior to living with him AND making a baby with him, it's kind of silly to expect him to change now. You knew how he was and it was OK at the time.
If he acts like he loves you, and you are happy, then accept him for who he is. Actions speak louder than words.
2006-10-06 09:02:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pleas understand that this guy may be trying to hold those feelings back do to the fact that he has been hurt a lot before just give him time he will come around when he feels comfortable enough.
2006-10-06 09:06:43 · answer #8 · answered by rustin_morley 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a real intelligent man you got there, made great choices at lease since the age of 15 anyway. What an awesome choice for your babies daddy. I am sure that he will do the right thing and marry you then get a good job and take care of your baby. Anyone got any ideas as to where our society has gone wrong?
2006-10-06 09:02:02 · answer #9 · answered by Got2seeit 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I am not saying he's doing anything WRONG, but I find it really hard to believe that you have been together for a year and even have a CHILD together, and he hasn't ever said "i love you". What does he say when YOU tell HIM you love him? This sounds a little fishy to me.
2006-10-06 09:02:59 · answer #10 · answered by stillstanding 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋