2006-10-06 08:49:35 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, therapy would be good so you can both figure out your role in this affair. An affair is a symptom of a bigger problem.
Then you work out what you need from the other person in order to trust them again and then do that.
Then you need to not fight about it everyday. Just quit bringing it up and live your life day to day.
2006-10-06 08:53:09 · answer #1 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Expect it to take a very long time to trust your mate again and be prepared to work it out. Keep in mind that an affair is just a symptom of a marriage that was already in trouble before it ever occurred. The erring mate must change any and all routines that enabled the affair. All contact with the interloper must be cut off without explanations to that person. No phone calls /no emails etc...
For peace of mind NEVER ask for specifics with regards to acts. It will drive you INSANE.
Don't harp on it and bring it up at every argument. Don't try to make your mate a prisoner. Although you are justified in not trusting him/her ; keep in mind that if you keep acting like they are cheating when they aren't then they will actually do that which you fear most.
Live each day. You can't really control anything beyond what I have suggested. If he/she wants to cheat he/she will find a way whether they are 5 minutes away or 500 miles away from you. Should they take your forgiveness for granted a 2nd time then you will know that you tried your best and this person isn't remorseful and kick him/her out of your life asap. You will be amazed that the time it took for your relationship to disintegrate to the affair will be much shorter than the recovery. It can happen though there aren't any guarantees. Good Luck!
2006-10-06 16:25:26 · answer #2 · answered by GrnApl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well first if you say you forigive really mean it. if you hold back after this the marriage won't be going in the right direction.
And think before you answer I have read many messages and some women say yes only to find out they can't live with it and then ask for a divorce. but if you have decided to start fresh.
Don't bring this back up in his face everytime you fight. this will not help. If you do this do this wholeheartedly .
And dont' make him pay and don't treat him like crap. and air your dirty laundry like kathy lee gifford did when she caught her husband cheating sure she stayed with him but made him look like crap for all to see and made sure he felt bad every day of his life. Thats just cruel. thats not love.
And he looks like a whimp now.
2006-10-06 20:24:43 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's pretty simple really. You own the cheater. You make the rules. You set the boundaries. You have the right to check on the cheater at any time any place. You can show up uninvited places. You can demand an accounting for time and space. You own the cheater. If the cheater can't accept that, then they can leave. They screwed up and have to make it right. They have to earn the trust back.
2006-10-06 09:10:19 · answer #4 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, just be the bigger person and leave her without taking revenge. Revenge might seem nice now, but in the long run it would be petty. What good comes from ruining somebody's life even if they did hurt your feelings. Just remember, she is still the mother of your children and everything that hurts her will end up hurting your kids.
2016-03-18 05:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Once a cheater - ALWAYS a cheater. Ask yourself WHY you still want that person? I say get out before they break your heart again.
And to all those who said, "find out what lead to the affair" - that is such TRIPE!!! If someone cheats it is NO ONE"S fault - EXCEPT the person who cheated.
2006-10-06 08:55:35 · answer #6 · answered by doc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow, I commend you for wanting to try. Chances are slim it will work, it's hard to get past all the betrayl and bitterness. Whether or not you'll ever get the trust back is hard to say. You really need to figure out how you ended up in the situation to start with.
2006-10-06 08:55:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Seek counseling to find out what led to the affair.
2006-10-06 08:52:59 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honest,,,,,,,, Both get on your knees and pray about it God has a way of mending relationships
2006-10-06 15:10:53 · answer #9 · answered by xlhdrider 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Castrate him, that'll put a damper on it ever happening again.
2006-10-06 08:54:41 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋