My husband is in the Marine Corp and has muster today at 12 noon. When we woke up he said he had to leave at 9am to do some work at the base and get his uniform ready. Well while in the shower he wanted to be intimate but I was reminding him of how he needed to go, but he said he could do his work at a later time. Had we of not of been intimate he would have left at 9am, and when I stopped things he just left the house like it was nonthing. It makes me feel like he just wanted sex...like that was all it was about for him. Am I right? I wanted a special moment but felt cheated somehow like I was being used....he said he was just trying to have a nice romantic moment with me, but with him just leaving so easily makes me feel like it was all about him and the possiblity of him getting off. Can someone help me to understand what happened and what this was about?
2006-10-06 08:26:42 · 17 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I stopped things before they went on further becauase I did not want to feel used for a quickie.
2006-10-06 08:35:59 · update #1
So, quickie = used? Why? It strikes me that the people who say this do not like sex. They like intimacy and emotional connectedness, but they must not like sex. If you like sex, then there is nothing at all wrong with quickies. I pity the guy for marrying a woman who hates sex and treats it like it's this precious little jewel that he has to work for every time. Your cold, witholding attitude is going to make him resentful.
2006-10-06 08:42:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down wit your husband when it's just the two of you, no children to distract you and definetly no phone calls. Just pretty much tell him what you have wrote on here. He's your husband, he loves you, no matter what. I'm sure if you told him he would find a way to work with this. I feel used also when my boyfriend and I are intimate and I like to be close to him afterwards and he get's up and leaves the room. I told him how I felt and he's working on things. He says it's out of habit so I believe him but the most important matter is, is that he's working on that. I think you should at least give it a chance. Good Luck, I wish you the best.
2006-10-06 15:34:27 · answer #2 · answered by jaide1108 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
REALITY: Men and Women are so totally different as I said before men feel with the 2nd head and women feel with the heart. I just about bet he did not mean anything bad by his actions don't take it to heart and be hurt. Your husband desired you and he had limited time, so hey nothing wrong with a quicky, done that myself before.On some occasions you just want to f---,and other times you want to make mad pasionate love. If it started to become a habit then I would be concerned, if it's just once in a while, go with the flow and enjoy it after all be thankful he still desires you! so many women complain the husband does'nt want sex from them. I hope this helped you some.
2006-10-06 15:48:49 · answer #3 · answered by SANCY 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most of the time, women need time to get in the right mood for sex, need to feel valued as part of the sex, and have a need for emotional intimacy before and afterwards.
Men are capable of wanting to have sex within the space of a few seconds, and they can also "shut it down" very quickly if they need to, although it's hard to want to.
What probably happened is that your husband wanted to have sex with you and was probably enticed by the idea of having a "quickie" as well, trying to fit in into a tight schedule. For some reason, that's exciting.
When you rebuffed him, and he had to continue with his schedule, he had to "shut everything down." His emotional distance from you is part of the shut-down process -- he has to do that in order to move on. So his attention shifted from you back to his busy schedule.
I don't think he was just using you. It's not that he doesn't care. It's just the way many men are -- they internalize their emotions, and are physically capable of leaping right into and out of sex. And their attention can shift very quickly from one thing to another thing.
What I think is that he was probably a little disappointed and annoyed, although if you have a good relationship, he's not holding it against you and has moved on with everything else in his day.
My advice: When he comes home, ask him how he felt, apologize if he says he was frustrated, and tell him you just really needed longer to get in the mood and maybe things will work out next time.
Don't make it a long conversation, just hit on the issue and move on.
2006-10-06 15:39:31 · answer #4 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hate to say it, but it sounds like he was trying to have some intimate time with you, even if it was in the shower. Probably you telling him he would be late for work just dampened his mood, so he just left it and went to work. I would suggest that tonight bafore he gets home, you make the house special for him. Make a nice dinner, light some candles right before he gets home, and wear something nice for him.
That way, he will understand that you like the intimacy too, and he won't be hurt from this morning.
2006-10-06 15:33:57 · answer #5 · answered by tiggerluv252000 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Relax and just go with the flow. My husband likes to have sex at 2am. Oh yeah, that's fun. But he likes it, so why complain. With two little ones, it's usually the only time we can get. If he wanted me to hop in the shower with him in the morning for a quickie, why not? Shower sex is fun. Tonight when he comes home, be in the shower and tell him to join you. He'll forget about this morning. Good luck!
2006-10-06 15:39:39 · answer #6 · answered by Lissa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is just normal. Men and women have different ideas of being romantic. Now sometimes women have to just satisfy their man. Don't be hurt to have a quickie with your husband, actually it can be fun and help strenghten the relationship. You prepare your special moment when he does not have to leave. Girl just have fun!!!
2006-10-06 15:57:18 · answer #7 · answered by 4thebest 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he just wanted a quickie. Sometimes, the idea of a romantic time is different between men and women. I would try to talk to him when he gets home.
2006-10-06 15:29:52 · answer #8 · answered by ABob 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds perfectly normal to me, then again I am a man. And people wonder why men and women don't get along. You hold this grudge against him for weeks until he does something else and then it will be like "Do you remember that one time in the shower ..." and he'll be like no. And he won't, because to him it was nothing, but to you, you have made it this big thing. I feel sorry for him. He was just trying to be spontaneuos and you expected more.
2006-10-06 15:36:54 · answer #9 · answered by javelin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you need to grow up some.you agreed to be intimate with him too and you knew he had to get his work done.men don't think about your feelings of being not cared about right after he had sex with you.as far as he is concerned it was a great time for both of you and i guarantee you he won't understand what you mean if you tell him his actions hurt you.
he will show you that he cares some other way.don't ruin things by being insecure.that's the way men are.
you need to teach him how to treat you slowly.
2006-10-06 15:41:27 · answer #10 · answered by freebird 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋