Would you be concerned?

Question

If you were dating a man who recently divorced his wife to be with you BUT he calls her three to four times a week (they have kids) and still helps her with things around the house - would you be concerned?

Answer 1

Yes I would be very concerned,concerned that what goes around comes back around,the kids I understand but him calling and helping her around the house may mean that he still wants to be there with his Family or maybe he made a hasty decision by divorcing his wife and leaving his family to start a new life with you these situations almost never work out .

Answer 2

Yes, i would. Seems he's still stuck on her....It's ok to call once a week or have her call him once a week to discuss the kids, and so on, but that is alittle extreme. Maybe he regrets his choice and feels quilty. You really need to talk to him and get him to discuss what is going on with you, and dont be afraid to ask questions as to why hes doing so much for HER, when he choose YOU to be with. This guy made a choice....sure he has kids, but that doesnt require his constant attention that many times a week. It's not good for the exwife and it's not good for the kids either. His spending alot of time there, looks like he's not moved on and created another life, with someone else. You should be included in some of these trips there if the exwife has no objection. THEY are no longer a family unit and this much time there prevents the exwife from being able to move on and the kids to accept it and have a chance to deal with it. How much time with you does he spend verses the time spent there?

Answer 3

Alana,
You just need to get used to it!

First Off , That is his family, and are you sure that HE left HER.

It could be that she kicked him out.

Another thing is that I have been on the other side. A partner who was cheated on.

And I can say that althought he did leave, he did keep coming back and not because I asked him to either. he would always have a reason, kids or something , and YES we did sleep together. Alot. even though at this point I didn't want him anymore. I was just Horney.

Plus onetime he kinda hinted that he might get married to this one girl, and I flat out said NO he couldn't ( and guess what he didn't) the girl left him over it.

But you need to remember that they have a history, and he still loves her , and his kids. He will always feel responsible for them and no matter how you explain it to him , talk about it, try to figure it out. Its always gonna be like this.

Plus I am not trying to scare you but if he did this to his wife and kids, he would do this to you.
( if you have kids you know how it is to be without them )
(if you don't then you wouldn't understand)

And in my own experience- My ex's GF and I talk like friends, but even though I liked her and felt bad , I still kept sleeping with him. Lying and smiling like a friend. All the while he was lying to her, and the reason I gave up on US was because. He was a Cheater, Cheated me, Her, everyone.

And sad to say I am sure it wasn't his (your mans) first time , but it may have been his first time getting caught, and it may have been his first AFFAIR.

so yes truthfully I would be concerned, but if you want him then you need to shut your mouth, because if he is he wouldn't say so and if he's not then your alienating him. So just shut up , keep quiet and wait.
OH and FYI- cheating has nothing to do with sex, trust me I know how to please a man. In fact it sometimes can scare your man away if you push too much. Let him push you for it ok.

Some of my friends tell me that if he asks for it it means he's running around, and others say that if he doesn't then he is running around.

Frankly you'll never know unless she tells you so.
cause he'll deny the whole thing till he knows if he has either one or the other.

Good luck and keep me posted!

Answer 4

I'd be concerned that he would leave his wife for you in the first place. He will always be connected to her because of the kids. Its something that they have together. Helping her around the house seems like he is not letting go. maybe he is thinking he made a mistake or maybe he is helping just for the kids sake. Who would know but him. I guess I would not trust that he would not leave me for someone else. Makes you wonder.

Answer 5

Yeah, I'd be concerned. You're dating a CHEATER! What makes you think he won't do the same thing to you? You know what he's capable of. I can't believe you stayed with a man that would leave his wife and kids! You're a home wrecker. What goes around comes around baby!

Answer 6

Is he calling to check on the kids? If he is still keeping an active role in his childrens life- that is a good thing. How long have you been together? Feel proud that he is still invloved with his children- some men take off and kids are not a priority. if you dont see other problems in your relationship- i would relax a little

Answer 7

Heck yeah I would be concern and plus I would think that he still loves her deeply. You have people that are divorced and they definitely do not communicate with their ex-wives like that. It is good they are acting like mature adults but he suppose to be dating you and if he had any respect for your feelings. He need to decrease the contact unless it is with his kids. Good Luck on your relationship and you may want to discuss it with him so he can know how you feel about the entire situation.

Answer 8

No.I'm sure he is still dealing with guilt over the whole mistress thing,but more importantly wants to be there for the children-hence the phone calls,homeimprovements,whatever.The question is starting out this way with him how much time you will need to devote to repairing the issues involving trust,the kids,time management etc good luck

Answer 9

Yes and No. Yes because things might rekindle. If he divorced her to be with you she really doesn't want him. no because now you know that if you two have children he will take care of them no matter what happens and maybe he will stop (calling so much) when she can stand on her own and his children are not going to fall through the cracks in the floorboards of todays government like my son almost did. Just sit back and relax. If he divorced her to be with you.... HE REALLY LOVES YOU AND WANTS TO BE WITH YOU!!!! BE HAPPY BUT NOT SMUG!!!!

Answer 10

Not really, don't forget that he might feel guilty for leaving, & giving a hand is ok, calling to hear from the kids is ok. I think we just have to put up with these exwives until the kids are all grown up & then freedom!