ok, me and my wife have been married for three years now and i found out about a month ago that her ex of two years who treated her like crap and cheated on her and she knew and stayed with him has been calling her moms house and looking for her, when i found out i was irrate, i just wanted to go beat his a*s but she wont let me cuz she dont want me to get in trouble, well we are going to L.A. this weekend (where she is from) and he lives only a couple of blocks away, i just keep thinking that she wants to see him or even be with him even though she says there is no way in hell she wants to, but i just have this feeling, i mean she let this guy walk all over her for two years and stayed with him, he even got her pregnant in which she had a miscarrage, is it wrong to feel like this or do i have something to worry about?
2006-10-06 07:36:59 · 24 answers · asked by justin c 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
to add to this my wife knew he was trying to contact her and didnt tell me for like a month cuz she said she knew i would get mad!
2006-10-06 07:51:19 · update #1
No, you have every right to be angry. But, why don't you talk to her about it? Maybe she doesn't want to see him when you visit. Maybe that's just your insecurity in thinking that she wants to see him. And if she's smart, she won't want to see him. Why would you want to see someone who treated you so badly?
2006-10-06 07:42:11 · answer #1 · answered by texas y'all! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong to feel as you do but it is pointless and doesn't look good on you. You do not have any real power to turn the tide of what the future holds. Your wife is weak in the area of picking a man to take the lead in a marriage or relationship. Her ex, if what you say is true, is constantly on the lookout for another victim, a female he can control, treat like crap and have the satisfaction knowing that the woman will stay or come back after time has passed. This is an arrogant s.o.b. with mental health problems. If your wife is so easily seduced back into a sado-machochistic situation then she needs good therapeutic counseling to give her strength when she needs it. You knew of her past and you knew that she could be beaten and that she was too weak emotionally to leave and you were happy to be her savoir. It would be highly unusual that any woman would walk away, even for a weekend, from a second marriage if that marriage did not have reminders of the first. If your marriage were working on all cylinders moving toward goals, maintaining open communication, featuring mutual respect and sharing of the burdens, your wife is not going to reignite the fuse that once threatened to blow her to pieces. Her mother takes calls from this guy? Why? Your wife should advise her to never discuss her with others without permission and that she should hang up after politely saying, "I'm sorry _________, I can no longer get involved in this matter. Take care." The only thing you have to worry about from your question is your temper. If the two of you were moving on and up you would not have an urge to merge with the guy's a ss, as in kicking.
2006-10-06 14:54:40 · answer #2 · answered by ALWAYS GOTTA KNOW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're overreacting. Has she given u any reason to distrust her? She told u she didn't want to see him right? So what is your problem? The fact that he called her mom's house is something she has no control over. And she's right to keep u out of trouble. Why would u want to go beat his a** up and get in trouble with the police? That's just dumb. And as u said, u have a "feeling". Well as far as I'm concerned, they're only feelings and it may not even have anything to do with the truth. So I suggest u trust her until u have a good reason not to.
2006-10-06 14:43:56 · answer #3 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yeah...what is wrong with you???? You dont trust her....you insecure????
Put away your ego macho man and if you really love this woman you should be supportive of this trip and happy to accompany her there and back.....dont sweat the past, if she kicked him to the curb after all that she went through, she is a smart girl and she doesnt want him back...you should focus on making sure she has a reason to keep your azzz around buddy!!! With all that negative stuff you throwing around...Im not so sure she would want to be bother with another azzz hole for very long...you get what Im saying here????
PS Jealousy does not equal love...dont get it twisted!!! Some of the above answers say that but that is wrong...so wrong, jealousy is a big red signal for other issues that girls dont want to have to deal with!!! its cool that you love your wife, but check the jealousy its only gonna cause you to lose her in the long run. Trust the woman you love to make the right decision about her realtionship with you....she does love you right? Go with that and be supportive instead of controlling! If you show her love she wont go anywhere else...you will be all she wants or needs.
2006-10-06 14:43:50 · answer #4 · answered by tpoke24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think anyone in your shoes would be insecure about the whole situation. Just remember it was a long time ago. They broke up for a reason. If she is telling you that she would never do that, you have to just have some trust in her and your relationship. I am sure you are letting your imagination get the best of you. I have been there before. Good luck and try to trust in your wife and your marriage.
2006-10-06 14:42:08 · answer #5 · answered by krisaquarius 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing wrong with you. A strong relationship always is based on trust. Either you trust ur wife or dont. The guy is a third person in ur relationship. Its yours and your wife's feelings that matter. If your wife loves you, she will not be impacted by this guy. If she doesnt love you, then you are better off not being with her. And if she still wants to be with this guy who treated her so badly, there is definately something wrong with her.
Keep an eye on ur wife in LA.. if you think that she has been meeting her ex, you shud definately confront her.
2006-10-06 14:51:49 · answer #6 · answered by FirstTime 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is not wrong that you feel like this because this is your family. Having been in a simular situation I understand where you both come from. Usually when a woman is in a bad relationship she stays for different and several reasons. Those reasons can be anything. From no self worth to fear of being alone. The fear of what he would do if you left him. Afraid of never finding love again. Fear of not being able to make it without him, his income, his security. Several fears involved. It's almost as if your brainwashed. But when the relationship is over, most woman are able to find themselves again. Gaining their self worth, common sense and joy for life. They are overcome by the freedom they once had and relish in the moment. Personally I learned a great deal from what I was put through and was cautious about the men I dated. Never not once wanting to live that life or have those feelings or fear my spouse again. Of course my ex tried to interfer in the comfortable lifestyle I created. Calling my work and parents. It killed him to know that I had moved on and was happier than he ever could have made me. But he tried so hard to tear my life apart. Once he realized how much I despised him he left me alone. In his sick twisted mind he actually thought he had a chance because he had changed......LOL. Like a man with his problems can change just like that. But anyways, my whole point being is that I highly doubt your wife would trade all of your love to be in his hell. She may need to tell him herself to leave her alone as it usually takes them hearing from the person themselves, not believing what other people tell them. Either way getting mad at her for something she can't control does not help the situation. She can't control him and she can't control your trust for her. She can only live with the hopes that you do trust her and will always love her. You should know your wife better than anyone. So seriously look at this situation from her point of view. Would you do it to yourself, tear apart what you worked so hard for? Good Luck & God Bless!
2006-10-06 15:35:37 · answer #7 · answered by zero 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your worries but at the same time have some trust in your Wife. Give your Wife the benefit of the doubt and know that she is going to L.A. for purposes other than her Ex. Remain calm and positive and don't let her Ex. ruin your time in L.A. Have faith in your wife and in your marriage and understand that until she has broken your vows then she is entitled to your trust. Good luck!!!=)
2006-10-06 14:46:41 · answer #8 · answered by Yahoo Anwers 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand your worry, but you must have trust in her. And stop thinking of the worst. I'm sure she loves you far to much than an old ex. Show your love for her also. Then she will have no reason to think about going with the ex. Good Luck
2006-10-06 14:52:22 · answer #9 · answered by LuvMe2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the problem lays with you.
You want to be The savior...and she said no. Its interfereing with your MANHOOD
She doesn't need a savior..its all in the past.
She wants you to move on as she has and put it behind her. By you acting like you want to kick his butt makes you no different than the ex. You are lowering yourself to the level that she hates. Its a turn off..so turn it off and be greatful...becasues think about it..if he wasn't bad to here..she would still be with him..and you would be without her...all things happen for a reason.
Just love her!
2006-10-06 14:41:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jealousy is naturally engrained in us. Gos back to primitive mans drive to be the Alpha male. If you trust your wife then dont do anything, If this jack *** crosses the line though you have no other choice but to screw him up! Nothing wrong with you though!
2006-10-06 14:41:52 · answer #11 · answered by teenypurplebinky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋