I need another point of view?

Question

My bf of 5 years and the father of my child was accussed by my niece and sister of sexually touching them, my niece said that he popped her panties and my sister said that he was rubbing on her butt but she didn't see him cus she was a sleep but she feels it was him. I could never in a million years believe he would do something like that, he has been caring, patient, never viloent, never mean, took care of my niece like she was his own daughter. We have are times but we hardly ever agrue or anything. He is really close to his mother and father. He doesn't watch porn, he dont do drugs, he dont drink, he works everyday to support our family has never been without a job. He is a great dad very patient and loving. It is just so hard to believe but my sister sticks with it and I am stuck in the middle of it. It is hard for me to chose. My sister is not mad at me for staying with him she just wont come around. I can't stop thinking about it and dont feel as close to him, should i leave him?

He told me the night he was accussed by niece that he had been looking for the remote control in the couch where she was laying, so that is could of been a accident, and the pop could have been his knees when he was getting up that she heard, i dont know but with my sister he said that he didn't do it and doesn't even recall the day she was talking about. My mom said that I should forgive but what can I forgive if I can figure out the truth and one say he didn't and he said he didn't.

edit----

if he said he dindn't and they said he did

It was in late Aug, my sister had stayed the night at my place. My niece stayed the night the next week and thats when she said he had done it to her. I have talked to my niece, my sister, and him. He said for me to do what i thought was best, my sister didn't press charges. My niece only said that he popped her panties but didnt touch her down there or anything. So is why I thought maybe his excuse about looking for the remote might be true. I am thinking about it often, it is just hard. I love my sister and my niece but I am thinking of my daughter not having a father that she loves dearly.

She said she was a sleep, thought it was my cat but she moved thinking it would stop and it didn't. So she moved again she felt it again she never once looked to see if someone was there she said she was scared, she said she kicked out then it stopped and that she heard him in the kitchen few seconds later going through the drawers....Pop like pulling her panty away from her an d let it go back making a popping sound, she was hsleeping too.

Answer 1

First of all, having a normal-looking outer life does not mean the person is not twisted beyond belief. If I were you, I would check the state run sex offender database (in the USA at least)database using his name, or his social security number. All states provide that info because of Megan's Law. If he is not in that database, you are not out of the woods yet. He may just have not been caught yet.

The next place to go would be the States Criminal Data Base.
You may have to pay a bit of money for this information but it can give you a glimpse into his past if he has any criminal offeces he has been caught for.

Sex offenders of all ages generally get away with the first offence. Usually it is pled down to a lower offece such as plublic lewdness or something like that. Even some offense that does not look sexual, such as burglary or peeing in public may be a prelude to a later conviction or arrest. Sex offenders also tend to escalate in severity with time, just like other addicts.

Don't let your BF know you are doing this. If you get no results, then you may begin to believe the people who think he could not do that. There is always the possibility that he just has not been caught for anything.

Wish I could give you an absolute answer. But some human beings are so smart that they can be anything to anybody at any time. Some people have naturally good hearts and they have trouble believing that anyone could be evil.

Believe me, in my life, I have seen Evil in many forms. School teachers, politicians, cops, priests and preachers, to name a few. Not just on the news, but in person.

May the Force be with you.

Oh, and one more thing. . . Always believe kids that say they were abused- unless they have some really obvious mental illness and are pathological liars or so paranoid that they are always crying wolf. It is a miracle that they even tell us about these things because pedophiles tell them that they will hurt them, thier famiily or whatever if they tell. And they tend to blame the children by saying they are sexy. Kids are not sexy. Period. Pedophiles are monsters. Protect your family.

Answer 2

Don't even take the chance. Unless your neice and sister are 'troubled' and have psychiatric problems......then you better pack your kids and go. He needs supervised visits only. If I were in your family, I'd call the police, and let them speak to the kids, and make a report.

You being an adult.....don't even CHANCE any kind of sexual abuse or improper sexual conduct between and adult and a child....cause later down the line....when something SERIOUS happens.....you'll want to DIE because you saw the writing on the wall a long time ago.

GET THE HECK AWAY FIRST....ask questions and investigate LATER. If he is that good of a man...he should appreciate that you love and care for his children to protect them no matter what...because what if he died tomorrow and you got in another relationship with a new man and heard of this but STAYED...only to find later that it was true. He should look at it like atleast he knows his children are safe with you and their safety is your priority.

But to be safe.....call the cops and let your sis and neice make a report and investigate for themselves. Better safe than sorry.

Answer 3

There are a number of subplots at work here. First question is when did this take place? Your sister thinks he rubbed her butt while asleep? I think you need a heart to heart with your sister and find out what prompted this accusation.
You also need to point out to the BF ( why aren't you married?)
what is going on and keep him away from them.
Let it go for a while. He has been good to your kid. At this point there is no reason to leave him based on their questionable story.
In time the truth will surface. You are not in the middle . Until there is very hard evidence you need to side with him. Your sister can stay away for a while.

Answer 4

When I was around 12 my uncle had did things. He touched himself and pinned me to touch me. He also showed me his jewels more then once. If you were to ask anyone he know they would tell you that he was not like that. They would say that he would never it isn't in him. the thing about people like that is that by the time that damage is done is about that time that everyone see them for what they are. I am not saying that anyone did anything outside my uncle. I was just making a point. You never know. All you can do is take precautions to protect yourself and your children. If you think that he is that type of man then you need to leave. If unsure ask you sister why she thinks it was him and maybe that will help. In the end you have to make your a decision that you can live with and be comfortable with. Good-luck

Answer 5

In this situation, where there is a family at stake, i'd suggest a lie-detector test!!! Things couldnt get much worse, so why not settle it before he gets accused and goes to jail?? If he is innocent, then he should have no problem getting this done. If it's true....and if it was i'm sure the niece and sister would really be pushing the issue, and want something done to prevent it again....then i'd move on honey.....things like molestation is unforgivable and do progress.

Answer 6

This is tough. How could your sister know it was him if she was sleeping at the time? And what does your niece mean when she said he popped her panties? These are all hearsays and until u have solid proof that this took place, he's innocent until proven guilty because as it stands, it's their word against his. If he is indeed guilty, the evidence will come out eventually. Until then, it would be wise for u to keep your bf away from them.

Answer 7

First of all...what the hell is "popping her panties"? Second...the other one says she didn't see him but she feels it was him?

Look....the good points out weight the "speculative and maybe but maybe not" points. If these two cannot do any better than that then the complaints they have bear no weight at this time. There is nothing conclusive in their accusations. Nada...nuttin'....zip.

So who cares if your sister doesn't come around? Why not trying to keep an eye on things yourself? Then you can make your own decision instead of having to come here and ask people how to control your life.

Let's hope you make the right decision here instead of screwing things up and ruining his life and the kid's based upon unsubstaniated "dreams".

Answer 8

Take your head out of your ***...I have a friend who had the greatest boyfriend, he was sweet, caring, AWESOME with her kids as well as his own and very, very down to earth. He never watched porn, never cheated, never even let a curse slip out o fhis mouth. We were all jealous that she found such a great guy....until he was convicted of sexually molesting 16 children including her's and his own. Even if he's not doing that, you need to take the emotion out of it, you can't just say "no, not him" when it comes to your family. If your neices are telling the truth and you don't even consider the possibility, if I were your sister I would never speak to you again and I would never allow my children to be around you either. Obviously her kids are not the priority in your life. If anyone I knew touched my neices or nephews, I'd hurt them.

Answer 9

You need to take a moment and find out the truth. You've said all these wonderful things about him, but what about the young women involved. Are you saying that he is more honest than they are? You'll have many chances to be someones girl friend, you'll only have one chance to do what's right. Distance yourself from him until you work things out. Your sister may tell you that she doesn't blame you, but put yourself in her shoes. Are you so desperately lonely that you'll abandon these two children for a man who won't even marry you? You've got a lot of thinking to do.

Answer 10

Good lord, you took his side ?? TWO girls are telling you the same thing and your not listening. If people who did things like this came with a sign on their head life would be much easier. But unfortunately most of the people who do this are respected people in their community. How many priests have you heard of ? How many teachers have you heard of ? I wonder what you have done to the minds of those two young girls by choosing him. You need to straighten yourself out and distance yourself from him. Do the two girls have any reason to lie ? You sister might say she's not mad at you but believe me it has to cut her deep.

And your mother is saying to forgive. Good lord what has this world come to. He was looking for the remote....good one.