I once was led by an incorrect conception, on which way and which direction,
to face when I was moving, I thought I knew what I was doing.
I staggered straight ahead, and thought I would be lead.
But in the end I lost track, and bothered to look back.
With my confindence at its end,
I turned away at last, and looked on from my misconcepted past.
My emotions all unsteady, I looked by my past and now I am ready.
Ready to overtake any problem, and walk with endless shame.
Regreting endless pain, with only my misconceptions left to blame.
I had many intentions, all based on my misconceptions.
Now I advance towards my real mission, and forget my misconcepted vissions.
Should I correct anything before I send this into my publisher, please give me your insight. Thank you.
2006-10-06 07:12:38 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
No. Trying to be too wordy and complex...you create conceptual conflicts in the area of thought and action. You talk about concepts but what you should be addressing is the transformation of a reality as you disassociate from the cognitive dissonance realized by integrating more concepts into a life of experience (concepts are never wrong, they are just not full developed and integrated),
2006-10-06 07:46:29 · answer #1 · answered by profitmessenger 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
"But in the end I lost track, and bothered to look back.
With my confindence at its end,
I turned away at last, and looked on from my misconcepted past.
My emotions all unsteady, I looked by my past and now I am ready.
Ready to overtake any problem, and walk with endless shame.
Regreting endless pain, with only my misconceptions left to blame.
I had many intentions, all based on my misconceptions.
Now I advance towards my real mission, and forget my misconcepted vissions."
TAKE A DEEP LOOK AT THIS PART ITS A LIL HARD TO GRASP AND I DO UNDERSTAND WHY YOU ARE TRYING TO BE COMPLEX BUT SOMETHING IS NOT WORKING..AND THERE IS A BIT OF CONTRADICTION ...
2006-10-06 15:25:55 · answer #2 · answered by Missbribri 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you really have something you want to express through your writing. This is the most important thing when writing poetry. I hope you don't mind my saying this, as I'm sure you have a lot of potential, but if I were marking your work, these are the pointers I would give:
Poetry doesn't have to rhyme. You can use rhyme, but the poem doesn't really flow, as you seem constricted by trying to make every line rhyme.
Poetry is all about the sounds of the words you use. It's like a cross between speech and music. So it's important to think about the rhythms, the way each word sounds, and the meaning of the words.
You used some words which have the same sounds as others, but a different meaning as well as spelling. This is good.
You could try using descriptive words, which would show your feelings on the subject, rather than explaining your feelings straight out. Let the language you use do the work.
Hope that helps, and keep writing!
2006-10-06 14:30:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm concerned about "bothered to look back." Bother has a connotion of not wanting to take the trouble. Perhaps "then turned" or "ruefully looked back."
Also "ready to overtake any problem" sounds confident, while the next part of the line "walk with endless shame" sounds like you haven't really overcome the past. Maybe "walk on past the shame."
Is "misconcepted" a word? Could it be "misconcieved"?
It's a cool poem. You asked for corrections, so here you go.
2006-10-06 14:23:04 · answer #4 · answered by Teddie M 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
repitition of words in poetry always bothers me, if they dont fit to an obvious rhythm, so i'm not sure about the use of misconceptions/ed 4 times. But if that was intended for effect..?
I really like the beginning three and a half lines, they flow nicely.
but this isn't a very informed critique, sorry!
2006-10-06 14:34:27 · answer #5 · answered by holly 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about metre- you've some *way* overextended lines. In Anglo-Saxon diction, you don't really see more than five stresses per line (some exceptions, though- Tennyson played with some particularly bizarre metre).
2006-10-06 15:15:52 · answer #6 · answered by Jim 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
im not a professional poet or something but it sounds good to me but as far as corrections u might want to get another opinion
Good luck
2006-10-06 14:17:34 · answer #7 · answered by vick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is complicated and hard to understand, too wordy.
2006-10-06 14:16:41 · answer #8 · answered by Smiles Like She Means It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it...
2006-10-06 14:36:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋