How do I stop from falling?

Question

Okay, I have serious - serious trust issues with guys. My best guy-friend is going through a divorce. We talked about seeing each other (even having sex in a brief caught-up-in-the-moment and needing affection deal), but backed off for a little while because we were moving fast and he was feeling guilty that he is not really over her yet (she left him).

We have a very open friendship. If something is bothering one of us, we tell the other. (Like if something he has said has hurt my feelings, I tell him.)

We have talked on the phone, IM & text but haven't seen each other in a month due to hectic schedules. He now says he only likes me as a friend. I guess his feelings might have faded.

But, I have never been in a friend/relationship where I can be open and honest about what I am feeling at the time without starting a fight or someone jumping to defense.

So, my question is, does anyone have any suggestions on how to stop from actually falling for him? Because he says he doesn't like me that way and just wants to be friends.

Answer 1

To keep any relationship going no matter how far away you are or how busy your schedules away should always include open communication each time you talk because this builds trust. Trust is an important issue for everyone because it makes or breaks what comes next.

The very next thing after you have open communication and a good amount of trust is to be a genuine friend. Genuine friendship are the most wanted in friendships because they last a lifetime when you don't put pressure on the other person for your own material wants and needs. It can be alot of fun to grow as a person and not have to worry if that person is using you for some reason or not.

Of course, sharing values is important too. Trust, Honesty, Respect, Caring, Sharing, Apprecation, A Sense of Humor, and unconditional love are just some of the values that we want to see and experience with those we are in love with.

Keeping out of love is easy. Don't talk to them, don't be a friend, and don't share anything about your life with them either. It's not selfish, but that is what some people will do to keep a distance from those they don't want anymore in their lives.

Answer 2

Just imagine that in twenty years time if you had stayed together, you would have been leaning over the sink with a stick of vanish in your hand manually removing the skid marks from his boxer shorts, your back would be killing you from cleaning, cooking, rearing thirty kids, the money's shat, he talks to you with the contempt familiarity breeds, and then he wants to collect his manly rights after being in the pub for eight hours on a Friday night stinking of booze...then come back to the now, take a deep breath and thank your lucky stars he let you go.

Answer 3

The last phrase you said should be advise enough, he told you he just wants to be friends meaning he doesn't like you in a romantic setting only as a friend. Even if you considered having a romantic evening you know what will happen, you'll just be a booty call and lose his friendship 4 ever.

Answer 4

Hi Sorry about your predicament.
The only way is to back off from this person and focus your energy elsewhere.
You are not helping either of you by keeping in contact whilst you have these feelings.
Maybe in time it will work out but for now be firm
Best of luck
Jeff x

Answer 5

For him ti was just a sex. He would have continued like that if you were for it. Maybe you would say you were, but he knew that its a matter of time when this will not be enough for you.
I know that you like liberal connections, no strings attached, and that this freedom makes you like someone even more. But this is "double blade sword", the moment when one of you would want something more.
The best thing is not to have sex with him, for your good.
Find someone you could just have sex with or someone who is true.

Answer 6

this is one of the dangers of getting involved with someone who has yet to break ties with their other significant

search your heart that you are not confusing lust with true attraction

respect the decision he has made even tho you may not understand it

once he finalizes things with that relationship, it will allow him to give more thought to another relationship

right now he is hung on an emotional tightrope - grant him the space


your will find happiness too


best wishes!

Answer 7

obviously hes worth keeping as a friend--according to you--so the thing is to occupy your mind with other things and keep your relationship with him in some kind of perspective------the time you are away from each other is a good thing because it helps--distance, always be honest with him----and dont try to hide feelings--if he is in synch with you he can probably feel what you really mean behind what you say....................meanwhile try to meet new people---------a good way to keep your mind focused on *other things--------write out your most secret feelings in a letter to him (ofcourse you never send it) and keep it in a diary---sometimes it helps to vent emotionally, by writing out what you feel----------------

Answer 8

respect his decision Hun, and be a friend to him ( unless you can't because of how you feel, then cut and run, it'll be tough at first but kinder to you both in the long run) good luck on what ever you decide to do!

Answer 9

pretend like nothing happen even though you have all that in your memory but didn't you like it better when you's were just friends and not him telling you that himself and kind of rejecting you? keep it cool you's have a good relationship don't ruin it

Answer 10

I think you summed it up yourself - he doesn't want anything more then your friendship. That's pretty blunt and to the point if you ask me.