what should i do about my marriage. my mother in law wants to put her two cents into everything. HELP!!!!!?

Question

since my 7 month old son was born my husbands mother wants to take control of my son all the way from mexico. she wants to keep my mother from taking care of my baby cause supposedly she is going to kidnap him. come on shes my mother.how crazy can someone get. my mother loves him. this is her first grandson. can someone tell me what to do.

Answer 1

so did mine, that is why we moved......

Answer 2

Kill her!!! Im just kidding,but don't you want to. She probably doesn't even realize what she is doing is a bad thing.Take into consideration her culture.If she is mexican you will have to read up a bit so you too can understand why she acts like this. Mexican families are very close ,and as the woman of the family she is very overprotective.I know this is driving you nuts but even if your husband talks to her it will not change her,it may even cause friction between the whole family.You have to look at the bright side of all this,first of all atleast she is concerned and two she lives in mexico.You just have to find a way to not accept what shes doing but to try to understand,and if you don't want to listen to her you really don't have to.I am on your side here i am just trying to help you see how cultures are different.I am American and my husband is from trinidad and his family is so different to me,but i have learned ways to deal with them besides the constant thought of chucking a frying pan at them! Try not to get mad at your husband and tell him things like tell your mother to stop this and tell her to mind her business (i know dr. phil would tell you the total opposite,but he never had a mother in law from another country!!) Your husband doesn't want to hurt his mother,and he may even be a little scared of her.Certain things should be brought to the table,there should be boundaries,but at the same time she's in mexico,atleast she's not stopping by everyday,it could be much worse. I wish you much luck,kill her with kindness ,it will make it kinda funny for you,i do it all the time.

Answer 3

Girl...... I think all mother-in-laws are like this. Mine came to CA to visit when my baby was two months and by the time she left had convinced my hubby that Jordan needed to be eating cereal and sleeping on her belly. When my mother in law steps in I just smile and say "thank you for the advice, but I want to learn how to do this myself". The good thing about having in laws so far away is that you can IGNORE them!! I know it sounds harsh, but if you are having a bad day, just don't talk to her--its not like she'll show up at your door an hour later just because you didn't answer the phone! As far as her and your mom are concerned, tell her to stay out of your family's business. Obviously you would never let any who posed any type of threat around your child. So, don't worry about her. I know its hard and it seems mean, but don't let her run your life or ruin your relationship with your mother. Talk to your hubby and tell him how uncomfortable she makes you feel, just be sure you don't say anything bad about her to him. Get him on your side, cry if you have to (LOL, our most powerful weapons as wives!)
Good Luck!!

Answer 4

You are a big girl and this is your family, put some boundaries, don't let your mom or his mom get into your lifes and try to control them or tell you what to do. Say politely (But SAY it) that you thank her for her concerns but you think you know your mother well to know she's not kdnapping her own grandson and that you are able to take care and run your family in your own way. Does your husband know how you fell, ask him to talk to her too, it's her mom anyway and she's ruining your marriage with this stupid stuff. Since the day i got married I haven't allowed anybody (not even my mom) to get in our lives (in a bad way) she only gives her opinion if I ask for it. I feel you girl, I don't like my mother in law either she's a witch, but the difference is, I dont do things her way but my way, I set some rules and they have to be abeyed, and luckily my husband agrees, it applies for both moms.

Answer 5

Your mother-in-law is from Mexico? She lives there now?
Well, I'm sure she can't do much but call, so don't let
it bother you, if you need to just listen and then agree
and after the call do what u want to do. As far as your
mother goes she is worried i am sure, u hear so many
storys where the father of the baby grabs the child and
goes back over the border, never to be heard from again.
She is just worried for you and the baby and wants to try and protect you both. As far as his Mom, it's your baby
always remember this.And what you want comes first.

Answer 6

for a marriage to work u need to know ur husband will choose u over anybody else, and he needs to know u would do the same for him. my in-laws aren't great but they learned that i'm the most important person to my husband after 3 years of marriage and now the in-laws and i get along well.

i think it is ur husbands place to tell his mother to back off or u will be forced to cut contact with her and be prepared to follow up on this. give her strict limitations such as what subjects are off limits (ur mother, child's safety, etc.).

i'm sure u are a very good parent u just need to people to believe in u to build ur confidence and give u the strength to tell this woman to leave the situation alone

Answer 7

If she lives in Mexico and you live in the US just say Ok and do what you want anyway. If she comes here just report her as an illegal alien...don't tell hubby you did that though. Also, don't answer the phone if she calls, If you're home alone no one will know you didn't answer and when hubby is there have him answer the phone. Caller ID is great for that.

Answer 8

Your husband needs to step up and tell his mom to back off a little so that you guys can raise your son in peace. It is his mother so I think he should talk to her and if she doesn't listen then do whatever is needed to keep the sanity.

Answer 9

I'm in the same boat with you!! It pretty much really sucks, and I think your best bet is to open the paths of communication. If you tell your In-Law how you feel, she may be more controlable. Our best bet is to try to ignore it because there is nothing we can do about the FIRST grandchild. I'll say a prayer for you if you'll say a prayer for me! Good luck and let me tell you, you have my support.

Answer 10

Honestly, you need to tell you husband that he needs to talk with his mother. I would suggest he do it alone because if you accompany him she is going to think that you put him up to it and may resent you for it. The ball is really in his court and it should be his responsiblity to take care of it and tell his mother that she is going to have to understand that there are two sets of grandparents and everyone has equal rights to sharing moments with their grandchild.

Answer 11

Confront her on what you feel and tell your husband about the problem too.

My mother-in-law gets on my nerves too and my husband is aware of it. Now, I decide when I want to see her and when I don't. I'm currently 34 weeks pregnant and she's already telling me what to do. I either ignore her or I confront her on what I feel and she should back off.