What if you found out that your soon to be spouse was dating this girl up to the day you two got married and continued talking to her after you said I do?
Would you stay married to him or her?
Is this the normal way people go before they say I do?
Is there anything wrong with your soon to be spouse dating up to the date he says I do?
What if you had a hunch and asked your soon to be spouse and he or she denied it, so you say I do. Then you find out one month after saying I do, do you then say its over if this was not acceptable from the beggining before you said I do? Or do you just live with it?
Just because you said I do, does it mean all is final, even his lies?
How can this person be trusted if all he continues to do is lie about this other woman?
2006-10-06 05:48:18 · 23 answers · asked by beachgirl90 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
when ever there is doubt you don't say i do and if someone lies your whole relationship why would you want to say i do you don't even know the person....it was a relationship built on lies....
2006-10-06 05:51:17 · answer #1 · answered by christina c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage isn't some magical turning point in a guy's life where cheating is now off limits. It is worse after marriage, but whether he cheated before or after marriage, this is just wrong. Now it is up to you to decide if you want to stay or not. He most certainly break off any ties to this woman if he hopes to keep you in his life and you should not accept any less than this. But it is up to you to forgive and stay.
What he did is wrong, obviously hurtful to you. But if he is willing to make a change, you may find it possible to give him a second chance. Just don't forget that it can happen again, so keep some distance until you feel you can trust him again. Just because you are now married, doesn't mean lies and cheating will stop. But for sure, he needs to leave the other girl and don't let him give you any crap about being "good friends". Men and women (especially those they have dated in the past) can't be friends.
2006-10-06 13:03:13 · answer #2 · answered by roobs 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, I don't think continuing to date someone during your engagement is normal at all. Asking someone to marry you is supposed to mean that you've decided that person and that person alone is who you want to spend the rest of your life with. Talking to that person after you're married may or may not be normal, and in this case if they dated up until your wedding day, I'd say you have ample cause for concern. I'd get into counseling immediately if you want to stay married to this person. And NO, there are deal-breakers. I believe divorce should be a last resort, but no one deserves to spend their lifetime being used as a doormat for an unfaithful spouse. I'd try counseling first, and if he refuses to make an effort then I'd bail on the marriage. He didn't just promise not to cheat on you on your wedding day, he promised to respect you. If you aren't getting it and don't reasonably expect that you will get respect and love from this relationship, move on. Life is too short to waste on someone who'd rather be with somebody else.
2006-10-06 13:14:58 · answer #3 · answered by kateh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no clear cut answer for this question. You just have to look within yourself and ask whether you can live with this person.
Many people feel that there is a time before marriage when a couple enters a committed stage where they no longer date anyone else. I don't know of anyone who has gotten to the engagement stage when they were still okay with their partner to date others.
The biggest factor is that the person lied to you when confronted before the marriage about dating someone else. Can you trust this person? Do you feel they will continue to lie and/or cheat?
2006-10-06 12:55:32 · answer #4 · answered by MommyWommy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it can still go on (the marriage) but it will definetely be with major flaws cause the trust is broken. And a relationship without trust isn't much of a relationship.
I know it well....I lived it. And no, I could never get past it. Almost all issues or dilemmas were magnified because we had that cracked 'foundation' to begin with, so I could never put anything past him......and I couldn't forget it, or allow him to forget it either.
Eventually it has led up to where he and I are today....which is- in the process of a divorce that I initiated.
I felt there was a major lack of respect, from him to me.....and also he is/was incredibly selfish, and that hasn't stopped. It just happens that it was manifested from the beginning, and I just chose to overlook it.
The saying goes where there's smoke, there is fire........well, I say don't overlook something that is important to you. Because if you invest years, effort, time, and attention...........when it does all come falling down....you'll regret it. And hate yourself for ignoring it all that time.
2006-10-06 13:04:12 · answer #5 · answered by lilac b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I am guessing the two of you said 'I do' because you love each other. Now you need to understand that Love in marriage is unconditional. However, marriage is also respect. Your spouse needs to respect the marriage and your feelings about talking to the other person.
It is not impossible for your spouse to change their behaviour.
Please see the links below for an awesome book and conference.
2006-10-06 12:59:06 · answer #6 · answered by uds_montoya 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He cheated on you and lied to you.
You could either tell him to stop talking to her and stop lieing and if he doesn't then leave, or you could live with the lieing and cheating. These are great reasons to get a divorce. To tell you the truth, if he was dating her up until he married you, he is probably dating her still. Maybe she is who he really wants to be with. If it was me, I would say "you want her, you could have her" and I would leave. He married YOU. He should have respect for you and not see other women and not lie to you. He should be thinking about YOUR feelings, which he is not doing. Good luck!
2006-10-06 12:55:04 · answer #7 · answered by Billys girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been married for 15 yrs. wasn't your husband dating YOU before the marriage. So why was he dating another girl up to the day? you know dam well that wasn't right. And believe me. Whatever he was doing right before the marriage, he will be doing it after the marriage also. And they NEVER tell the truth about it. Sorry honey, but I keep it real.
(and you best to keep it real also) Good Luck
2006-10-06 13:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by LuvMe2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a problem, He or She hasent got over the other one or Cant let go of the past. I wouldnt Walk the ILE with them. As a matter of fact, I would say it:S over Go back to the other one.Dont marry someone like this. They want be able to be trusted.
2006-10-06 13:00:11 · answer #9 · answered by mswildman2005 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, it's all a matter of trust. Once that trust is gone, there's not much hope of getting it back. Forgiveness comes easy, but trust is earned. And he doesnt seem to want your trust very badly. He's not gonna change. He wants his cake and eat it too. Best to move on and not invest anymore time with this loser!
2006-10-06 12:57:59 · answer #10 · answered by foxxy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read your other questions. seems your relationship was bad before you got married. marriage will not change a person, nor will it fix a bad relationship or turn a liar into an honest person. and no one on here can answer your questions or help you because you did this to yourself, when you dated him then got pregant by him twice then married him... if you really want change seek consolling.
2006-10-06 13:27:03 · answer #11 · answered by Crazy dog lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋