Wife left me for another guy aft 9 yrs and now wants me back. What to do??

Question

My wife after 9yrs left me. (No kids and in our early 30s) We mutally seperated for two months to see what we should do.... I tried to learn about myself and he was to do the same as a "relationship break". Found out she started dating a guy three weeks after we seperated. I met someone three months after and have a great time with a great women.. Now my "ex" wife wants us to reconsider. She says she misses what we had and that it was indeed special... We never had any major problems like alcahol, drugs or affairs, not even an ugly nasty fight, only arguments that I would consider normal. We trusted each other and enjoyed time together but she thought we fell out of love and thus atrted to drift other ways.. W hat would you do... So confused as maybe I should try again w her but have met someone who is promising and again have a great relation but wonder what can be... I want to be fair but what would you do??

Answer 1

Tough situation....From having been in a situation like yours many years ago, I would not jeopardize your new relationship to hook up with the "ex". You and the "ex" should see a counselor You need to find out exactly why the ex left, then go from there...in the mean time do not go out with the "ex" until the couseling is done. Remember that counselors don't "fix" marriages, they just help the husband and wife to understand what is going on in the relationship. Sometimes after undestanding what happened and why, couples split up - other reconcile.
My first wife and I saw a counselor - he was a complete doofuss, but gave me enough perspective to see that my wife was a soul-eating demon from hell and I should run screaming out of the marriage - I did and never looked back.

Answer 2

Three weeks is a short time frame to be dating. I went through a similar situation to find that my husband, who I thought was faithful, had been cheating and just covered it well. I think if you feel like your falling out of love and started to drift....it will happen again. She is just missing the comfort that you had in the 9 years you were together. You will have issues once you get back together as well since you both have had other relationships. I don't care how open you are to each-others mistakes, you will still have a sense of jealousy and betrayal.

Answer 3

Sounds odd to me how your wife of 9 yrs can suddenly be in a relationship after just 3 weeks of you both taking a relationship break and who instigated this "break" as you marry someone to marry them not come and go as they please. And why didn't you talk things through if she felt she was falling out of love and try to work through it together. But i would i question how long this other relationship was really going on for it sounds very fishy to me. Could she of heard that you have moved on to another and then thought about stuff and decided she then wants you back? I'd make sure your making ago of it if you do for all the right reasons for both of you. As you don't want to keep going through this and thinking it could happen again and how does your new partner make you feel is there more of a spark there?

Answer 4

Go with your gut. If you feel it is right to give it another try than go for it. But take it slow this time around, dont jump right back where you left off. If it does not feel right then stick with the women you are with and try making that work. It is a hard decision to make but if I were you I would not make a quick decision, let her know you need some time to build the trust back before you go jumping back into something with her again. You can never tell with people they think they want you back then get bored and leave you again. So be prepared for this to happen (maybe)

Answer 5

Take a couple of weeks and don't talk to either one by phone or in person and see which one you miss and want to talk to or see the worst. Sometimes time away helps alot if you are undecided. Hope this works out for you.

Answer 6

its always vary hard to forget your old one you don't owe her a thing what the hell is the other going to do have you lost it or what you 2 split up so that's it you have some one that loves you don't give that up the old one may leave you again if it didn't work the first time it will not work this time keep the one that loves you you told me the new one is great so you keep her and have a good life with her the old one is GONE keep it that way good luck to you

Answer 7

i, personally would be afraid to trust her again with my heart, but you must do what is in your heart.

before agreeing to reconcile, tell her you thinking about it and maybe you towo can go to counseling either together or even apart (or you go along to see if you even want to go back). you want to know that you have worked out whatever issues there were that made her want to leave in the first place.

also you must decide what to do about the woman you are now involved with, after all, it's not fair to keep her strung along.

good luck to you

Answer 8

I wouldnt take her asss back. Its one thing to need a break BUT she got involved with someone else ...how is that a break? How could she have been sorting things out in her head about your relationship while dating others? Stay with the woman you are and tell your ex to GET TO STEPPING!!!!!

Answer 9

Is she just saying she wants you back because you have another woman now or is it because she loves you? you have to figure that out before you make any kind of decision.

Answer 10

You say that your wife left you and also that you mutually separated- it can't be both ways.

With that aside, if you are happier now than you were during your marriage, who cares what she wants?