My wife and I have been married for 2 years, and it seems that the longer we're married, the bossier she gets! I don't know what it is, but it's like she's more like my mother and not my wife. I know she loves me, but I'm not so sure she "likes" me anymore...does that make sense? How can we have a more loving, caring relationship?
2006-10-06 04:44:37 · 26 answers · asked by nomoretv4me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First of all... I want to apologize on behalf of all the women on here who jump to the conclusion that you are bringing this on yourself and that you don't do anything around the house, make her pick up after you and so on.
Unfortunately along with the equality that women have gained over the decades, they also try to pound into our heads the "you give the orders" and "you don't have to take that from him" attitude. It is a grave flaw in society, one in which people (both men and women) need to be aware of, and strive to not fall into.
I think you need to approach her (and your marriage) as a partnership. Sit down and discuss with her your concerns, rationally like adults (no yelling, no name calling) and see if she is aware of what she is doing, and maybe get her perspective as well. Opening up the lines of communication can work wonders.
2006-10-06 05:23:02 · answer #1 · answered by Suzuki_Mouse 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you make absolute sense. Been married a long time. I don't and never have treated my husband like that. Always hated it when other couples had this kind of relationship. That being said I also realize that for some couples this works. The trick is, it has to work for both people. You have to tell her how you feel about this. Calmly. No need for harsh words. Like someone else here said, are you giving her reason to treat you like a child? If so, do whatever it is you need to do to stop it. Is it that it's just the way she is..maybe this is how she saw HER parents interact, and this is all she knows. As for her not "liking" you, I know exactly how you feel and still feel that way sometimes, although my husband assures me he does. Maybe it's my hangup, which brings me back to the point that marriage is an ongoing piece of work. Everyday you have to do a tweaking and fine tuning to it...until you die or the marriage dissolves. I just think that if a marriage fails, it shouldn't be because the two people didn't take the time to work at it. good luck. talk to her. If she's unwilling to listen or take you seriously, then you've got bigger problems then her treating you like a child!
2006-10-06 04:59:18 · answer #2 · answered by N0_white_flag 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Communication is always very key to the success of any marriage, you should talk to each other, let her know how it makes you feel when she acts like this, and let her know what it is that you want. Dont point and blame, that will just lead to an argument. Simply holding a meaningful conversation to let each other know how you are feeling. You should learn why she treats you the way she does, and she should learn how her actions make you feel...that way you both can make changes for the better. As to "why" she does it...well, keep in mind that a person will only do what you allow them to do. She could have learned this behavior from pretty much anywhere - her parents, her friends, tv...anywhere, but she continues to do it because you allow it, she gets what she wants because you allow it.
2006-10-06 04:52:20 · answer #3 · answered by stephanie_6234 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the first response. Do you help her around the house without her having to ask? Do you ever talk to her? When you do, do you really listen? When was the last time you told her you loved her or that you sat down and listened to her talk or even just asked her if there was anything you could do for her? When she talks to you, do ever blow off her feelings or (however inadvertantly) tell her what's feel is wrong? ASK her what's wrong, b/c what she's doing is hiding resentment. I know that feeling well. It doesn't mean she doesn't like you, it just means that something's probably bugging her but she's afraid to say it. Then maybe turn the tables around and do a little something to take care of her. We all just tend to get caught up in daily routines that we forget we have to take the time out to reconnect. Sit with her, touch her, hold her, talk to her, listen to her. Romance her a bit and make her feel special again.
2006-10-06 04:51:53 · answer #4 · answered by I'm just me 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about this. Do you have children.? Maybe she is having a hard time separating her role as mother and wife. Does she have to pick up after you all the time, remind you of things etc. She may feel more like a Mom than a wife. Communication is key.
2006-10-06 04:48:46 · answer #5 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can't speak for all women, but some of us do have these tendencies... You have to push back, don't let her get away with stuff you're not comfortable with, otherwise it'll only get worse. You pushing back will lead to arguments, but you HAVE to set bounds. You might feel that to "keep the peace" you have to surrender and "suffer in silence". I don't think it works long-term, tho - eventually it'll make you both miserable, or it'll explode in your face. Try gradually introducing new rules. Say stuff like "It makes me feel..... (fill in the blank) when you say it", or "I would appreciate it if you acted a little differently in this situation". It doesn't necessarily need to be "I'm my own man and I do what I want dammit" type of thing; be diplomatic; but do let your expectations be known.
2006-10-06 04:54:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
marriage couselling.
You need a mediator to come between your hurt and her anger and bridge the gap. She needs to know that shes making you feel this way and she needs to acknowledge that her acting like your mother is only going to push your farther apart. She will have an easier time hearing this from a third party than she would hearing it from you. See if you can convince her to go to a session, get your troubles out in the open and begin working together to find a solution
2006-10-06 04:53:49 · answer #7 · answered by Candy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do things before she asks you to do them. that is my biggest pet peeve. I hate having to tell people to do things. Just do something that you don't normally do. dishes, cook, clean the house, laundry, Help her out more often and you might find that she has more time to be more loving toward you and she will want to be more loving toward you. I am sure if you just put a little extra effort into the things she needs help with or is treating you like you are one of her children for you will find that she is in a much more pleasant mood along with being more loving and caring toward you. just small things and you will be surprised.
Good Luck.
2006-10-06 04:50:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't let her be bossy. When she tries to be, tell her "Look, I'm not a two year old, I don't need correction or guidance from you." Sounds mean, I know, but you need to nip it in the bud. A woman who acts like that has no respect for her husband and the same goes for a man bossing his wife around. Assert yourself, and she will respect you more.
2006-10-06 05:28:15 · answer #9 · answered by Lotus 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ive been married for almost as long as you and take it from me i do the same thing to my husband and its because he don't listen to a thing i say. do something nice for her just her Make it like a monthly thing take her out to dinner, I have a whole list if you want to know more. But I have kids 2 of them so its hard for us to do stuff like that so every Monday night is game night we rent a movie and play games just to spend time with each other. it nice and I look forward to it every week
2006-10-06 04:50:55 · answer #10 · answered by Dakotah D 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋