my husband doesn't love me..... what should I do?

Question

We have been married for 10 yrs and have a child. Since the beginning of my wedded life, his love for me has always been so illusive.At the end of the day, i am always asking myself...why doesn't he love me? He has had many affairs, i've forgiven him all because i always thought of my son and the effect it would have on him if we seperated. I have talked to him, showed him a lot of affection, been there for him whenever he was in trouble.... he hasn;t even handled the family responsibilities well..most of the time the house runs on my earnings.He has mismanaged his earnings a lot. Today we dont even have our own house, or any financial security. He loves our child a lot and both are so happy in each others company. If I leave him, what will happen to my child? No, we aren't having any physical relationship at all and try to survive peacefully under the same roof. He never compliments me, makes me feel so unwanted... but helps a lot in housework. I am confused. What should I do?

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say this, but you staying with this man has done more damage that you hope to think on your son. He is growing up thinking that this is normal behavior for a man... not showing affection... not providing for the family... If I were you, and I am not... I would find a real man that my child could grow up like. It's okay for you to be confused, you are an adult... why confuse a child? Do you think that your son doesn't see how miserable you are? He does and doesn't understand why! Living in peace is not the same as living as a loving family. Get out, for your son's sake. That man will still be his father.

Answer 2

He doesn't love you because you don't love yourself. You are using your son as the excuse so you don't have to face the fact that you don't love him or yourself enough to leave a toxic environment for a healthy one.

You have taught your son that it is OK to be with someone who has no standards, who will let him irresponsible, who has no boundaries, who will ask him to do nothing for her not even help to secure the future of their child, and who will wait for crumbs of affection...

If you left him your son will survive. He may be angry for some time. He will probably be sad that things have changed. He may someday look at your happy, smiling face and wonder why his father could not do that for you. Or he may hate you and move in with his father... no one knows what the future holds and no one can tell you what will happen. However, I can tell you that you son will grow up one day and leave you to live his own life... what will you have then? Will you have the love of a good man who will be your companion & joy after your son has gone his own way? Or will you sit in regret wondering why you have wasted years of your life hoping for a change in your husband rather than working on a change in yourself...

What should you do? You already know what you should do, the real question is how do you find the courage to do it...

Good luck.

Answer 3

I don't know why you haven't left him when all these years the reasons just keep on growing and growing why you should have gotten a divorce. You've tried your best, he's not going to change. You can't force people to change or to love you back, he's practically slapped you in the face with those string of affairs--and you think this is a healthy environment for your child?!? Are you kidding me? What will you say to your child when he asks you why daddy has other women? You can't keep doing this to yourself. Go get a divorce, be free and if he really wants to keep a relationship with his son, he could always share parental rights.

Answer 4

Children are not oblivious to the obvious. Your child senses that things are not kosher. Children inherently want their parents to be happy, but that does not mean that they have to be together. You have made your husband's life too easy and you are suffering emotionally as a result. Think back to the phrase about buying the milk when you can get the cow for free. Putting up with adultery is ridiculous. Maybe one indiscretion, with heartfelt shame and complete change- but not carefree repetition and careless disregard for you as a woman and wife. What you put up with and are willing to accept, will be A ROLE MODEL for what your daughter/son feels like as a young or grown person to endure. Is infidelity, and lack of love and affection something your child should put up with in their future? Either take control of your "marriage" and have a come to Jesus frank discussion with your husband about having a real marriage or be respectful adults and agree to part ways. It is important that you and your husband remain united in loving and sharing your child. If ya'll can't rekindle a marriage, then both of you deserve to find someone in this short life to grow old with and adore day in and day out.

Answer 5

Ok, I didnt get past...He has had many affairs.

File for divorce. It wont get any better, itll only get worse. Dont make excuses for him, just get out. Go to a lawyer and do it. Make arrangments for yourself, plan it, and do it. Why stay with a person that doesnt love you?

Its not a good atmosphere for your son either. Youre not helping him by staying.

Hes helping with the housework cuz he knows he isnt doing anything else. Dont think twice, get your stuff and go. You CAN do it. No more excuses. You know you should, or you wouldnt have posted this question.

Answer 6

If you're really unhappy your son has already sensed this. So the first things is to tell your husband that you've had enough and that you want out. See how he reacts. It maybe the kick in the pants that he needs to wake up, but my guess is he probably won't care less. Next you have to sit down with your son and explain to him that you love him very much. Ask him if he wants for mommy to be happy. Of course he'll want you to be happy. Then explain to him that you're not happy with his father anymore. Explain and reassure him that it is not his fault at all. Tell him you need to start a new life without his father in order to try and be happy.

My parents stayed together for the sake of the kids and let me just say that the tense and anxiety caused by ever little agrument was intolerable. I know now that if they had gone their own ways it would have been the best thing for everyone.

Best of luck to you and i'll send a prayer upto my mom for you and your son.

Ciao

Answer 7

It's more mentally unhealthy for your child if you were to stay together. Your child will grow up in a house where there is no love between his parents, and in turn will never have a stable relationship with the opposite sex. It might be better for your child if you were to leave and find someone that will treat you, and your child, as their top priority. That way, you child can know what real love between adults is, and will one day be able to experience that.

Answer 8

Life is short..make it a happy one.Ask him if he wanna be free from you..set him free or who knows he might just come up to his senses and realize he don't wanna leave you.Children nowadays are smart,if properly discussed they won't have bitterness if parents are separated just don't make the father look bad on the child's mind.We are on the same situation somehow, I set him free, I almost die but now, though I still think about the father of my son, it still hurt but believe me it's better that way because it hurts more when you are with him but u feel unwanted...

Answer 9

I can't beleave you have to even ask. Love is not a word it is an action. And I see him showing none of that. Now unless you enjoy the way he treats you I would kick his non loving as- to the curb. And as for your son, do you want him to grow up and treat woman the same way his father does. If not get him away from that kind of invirement. I under stand it's hard but you need to think with your head not with your heart. Good luck.

Answer 10

i know exactly what you are going through. I am going through the same, but i found out too late for me. Please don't make the same mistake that i did by staying with him. I stayed because of the kids. now i am 50 years old and still living with my husband that doesn't love me and i am miserable. i try to get a job but have no job skills , i went to school, i tried everything that could possibly be thrown at me to be able to support myself so i could leave. but no one want s to hire someone like me, So , i would advise you to leave as soon as possible and start a new life for yourself while you are still young. Your child will get along just fine. so long as you don't try to brain wash him into thinking that his dad is no good. Always say good things about his father to him because when he gets older he will , I hate to say this but it's true, hate you for the image that you put into his head. anyways your child will still have his daddy, just not living in the same house.