My Pet Peeve about Lesbians ...I need clarity!?

Question

Why do woman who have been married before to a male, and presently have a girlfriend....claim to be STRICTLY a lesbian? Why do they not claim to be bisexual? They will even have children-made the old fashion way, and still claim to be strictly lesbian. How is that possible? A growing number of women are denouncing the fact that they have ever been with men, and chalk it up as a "childhood mistake" or they will say, "oh I was trying to please my family", this crap doesn't make sense to me. First of all I hate the idea of labels, but if one must label themselves, call it like it is: a person who is attracted to both sexes is a bisexual, why do they claim anything else? I need clarity.....

Redcatt is hostile to defend her girlfriend, right? Calm down and put your claws back in ladies.....I knew s h i t would come down to this.....I am bisexual, married to a woman now, and I am also quadracial honey, so I know all about being discriminating against. That is not my aim here, I'm trying to find out why women who have been ATTRACTED to men in past, now claim that, that attraction wasn't really, society made her have sex with a man. Come on that is so hard to believe, if she has overcome societies influences TODAY, how come she couldn't do it before, doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, just a load of crap to tell these lesbians who hate us bisexuals for being attracted to men. Let us be who we are, and stop all the insecurities, and resentments toward men, they've done nothing to us.

This question sure made a lot of you guys mad, I wonder why? My use of the word crap maybe....Oh who cares, I just want your opinions anyway, about the subject that is, not me. If you don't like the question and thinks its offensive.....well...FU.

Answer 1

I totally understand what you mean. Some people hate to label themselves as bisexual because there are a lot of women out there who are strictly lesbians and don't want anything to do with a bisexual. So I have two theories on your question.

I think that there are women out there who don't like the thought that they are bisexual and they will label themselves depending on the sex of their partner.

Then I also think that there are women out there who honestly were confused about their sexual orientation and wanted to fit into the main standards of society and end up marrying a male. They later realize that they are living a lie and come out as being a lesbian.

Answer 2

First of all why should what I call myself disturb you in any way? What does it have to do with you? I was married 10 yrs had 2 kids. I got married in 1968, and at that time I knew I was attracted to women but I had no idea that I could do anything about that, people got married that is what they did. I did not know anyone gay, and did not even consider making that my lifestyle, where would I start. Later I found the love of my life and she was a woman. We have been together about 30 years now, and I have no sexual feelings for men. I am a lesbian, not bi.

Answer 3

You need to chill out. I happen to be one of the people YOU are putting a label on. How in the world can you tell me that what I am saying is crap? Why, because this is not your story? I did know at an early age, however at that age I did not know what to do with those feelings, no mistake here sweetie. I got married and had a child because I chose to do these things, I loved my husband, but you see I could never be in love with him because in my heart there was something not there and it never would be...with him or any other man (believe me) I felt complete when I met her, I feel a love that I have never known. Why do I make this claim...the same way you can say this bothers you, that may not make it right but that is how it is. No one can tell you how you feel, no one can tell you when or why you hurt, no one can tell you who to love...even YOU have no control over that, remember that.

Answer 4

Really, I think you may be trying to generalize here. I will answer from my own personal experience. I got married (to a man) when I was 19 years old. I had been raised by my grandmother and we were involved in a cult (that entire side of my family is still in it). From the time I was in junior high, I had been attracted to girls, but it freaked me out, since all my life I had been told that "those" people were evil & sentenced to hell, no matter what. My ex husband was my bestfriend and we got married in the "church." Soon after, I divulged to him my sexual struggles...long story short, together we left the cult, my hometown, and my family for a new city. Once there, we divorced and I began my journey to where I am today - married to my beautiful wife & slightly reconciled with my family. I was never sexually attracted to my ex, but wanted to be b/c it would make my life easier & safer. That's my story.

Answer 5

Fairy, I'm glad that you Identify your self as Bi. Good for you.... You must be attracted to men..... and women......

Not everyone feels the same as you... "that is your feelings". Please don't force your feeling on other people situations...

My Lady was 16 when she met her husband that she was with for 22 years.... She got pregnant and was forced to marry him.. And divorce was not an option in her family.... She always felt different and she was not attracted to her husband.. There sexual experience was that of roll over and do your duty as a wife.....
Now she was always attracted to women but back in the day it also was less acceptable.... So this is how she can proudly Identify her self as a Lesbian NOW... I'm glad that she cant read this question because you probably would have ruined her day..



Now the rude and insensitive way you worded your question is not OK.....Everyone is glad that your experience is yours..... Radcliff also has a right to come off angry, because you could have worded this question many different whys but you choose not to...

Answer 6

I classify myself as strictly a lesbian. I have slept with men in the past, been pregnant, too. But I no longer sleep with men. I knew I was a lesbian a long time ago, but I lied to myself and to others because I was afraid and ashamed. Now that I am out of the closet, I don't have to worry about it anymore. So no, I'm not bi, I'm a lesbian. Plain and simple.

Answer 7

I could write pages on this issue but I do not really feel the need to clarify myself to you or anyone else. If it irritates you that lesbians once married to men now call themselves lesbians...then that's your perrogative. I was one of those women, my friend. You can call me a lesbian, you can call me bi-sexual, you can call me WHATEVER!!! But here are the FACTS for me personally.

1) I found my soul mate in the body of a woman
2) I hated and loathed sex with my husband when I was married to him.
3) I have never, ever, ever been able to bond to a man in a romantic way in all the years I dated men.
4) There were signs of being a lesbian as far back as a child but because of my deeply Southern Baptist roots this was absolutely NOT an option for me EVER.
5) The idea of sex with a man now disgusts me....just as it did before.

Answer 8

Well, it was a mistake for me... I knew something was wrong because I would have sex with a man, and it would be gross... I thought I just had bad taste in men, turns out I had it completely wrong- I was picking the wrong gender... not attracted to men anymore, by the by

Answer 9

you first of all, need to open up your mind...and your eyes...and see how society, as far as it has come, still treats those of us that are "different." when you've been raised taught to believe that "those people" (whether they are gay, or different race, religion or culture even) are "wrong" and "immoral" and that it is shameful....sometimes, that makes some of us suppress and deny who we are. I never doubted who I was, and I admit to being in the closet for a while when I was younger, but I overcame that. my partner...AND her ex-husband, were both raised in small towns where being homosexual was not accepted, and because of that disapproval and pressure...they both suppressed and denied who they were. they got married...and slowly realized that they were living a lie...they could not "please" their families by living this lie, and came out....and divorced (we are all friends now). yes, they had sex with the opposite sex....but not because they were truly "straight," but because society pressure told them they were supposed to. low self esteem can do strange things to a person (I DO know that personally). maybe the "crap doesn't make sense" to you....but you can't judge a person until you've walked in their shoes. my partner, and her ex-husband, have accepted themselves, AND yes, they do consider themselves strictly lesbian/gay.

Answer 10

Are you a woman? Or are you a Lesbian? Are there men? Are there Gays? What do you get when you cross a Lesbian with a Gay? Give up?? You have a Bi-Sexual! LOL! Come on, In the begining God did not create Adam and Steve, Or Alice and Eve! If you like someone of the same sex or more of a different sex it is by choice and not because you have any mental problems or a different genetic makeup. If I prefer having sex with a flea, doesn't mean that I am a bug-a-file! I wish you would hate people for what they do and not for who they are, and that's being human. By the way, I love having sex with a bowel of cherry jello! Hee!