Dinner and Divorce?

Question

So, I decided to sign the divorce complaint and send it back to my attorney. He and I are still under same roof and this is not an issue at tis point. Two nights ago we had a conversation..a pretty good one. He then started to talk about all the good qualities he had and how he hoped to work on the relationship. How he feels he was to weak to give me what I needed. The next day I realize that he and I are just better off as friends or housemates. Being a couple is a huge problem for us. Okay now here is the issue, he wants to go to dinner to talk. So I said okay, and I ask him to give me two things he is willing to do to work on the relationship. He said he would answer my question at dinner. So I said fine.

Any thoughts on what to make of this? I believe I am making the right decision, but I am also making sure I am not making the wrong decision. Do you think this is all a ploy? Thoughts? Reflections?

Answer 1

Does it really matter what his intentions are? Why do you care about what he wants to change for the relationship, when you said it yourself that you think that things are better off with you two remaining only as friends? I am recently divorced and my ex came to me about the whole wanting to change and work on the relationship. He always used words to get what he wanted but never delivered on the action. The thought also arised that perhaps he was sincere about changing and whether or not going through with the divorce was the best idea. However, I forced myself to consider what brought us to this point and what would really make both of us happy (and being a couple for us would've continued to be a big problem for us). Needless to say I went through with the divorce and I am now reassured that things wouldn't have changed (he's hasn't changed one bit) and I would have been just subjecting myself to more bs on account of unresolved emotions and not wanting to let go of someone who was such a huge factor in my life and who meant so much. If you think that you are better off without him, then you have to let him know that and let him know that now. If you go to dinner and listen to him its only going to make things harder for the both of you. He is going to think he has a standing chance when its pretty apparent that he does not and you are going to get trapped into thinking with your heart when at this point you need to think with your head. I have been there and all that listening to him did was make me more confused because my emotions were getting the best of me and I kept thinking that...maybe he will change...my emotions were getting the best of me and I was getting trapped into it when I had already made up mind a long time ago that I thought we were better off as friends. I almost made a huge mistake and went back and I hope you are able to realize what is best for you and not settle for anything less. Good luck:)

Answer 2

If he was not giving you what you wanted all the time you were together as a married couple that is got to the point of you signing a divorce complaint, why should it be any different now just because he say after all that, that he want to change things. Shouldn't he have changed them before you had to sign the divorce complaint? It is a lot of garbage. I was married before and everything was fine, then suddenly one day I realized my husband was into drugs and alcohol and wanted to start being abusive. I ended that quickly because there is no way I would tolerate any such behavior. After about 8 years, we met and he asked me to give him another chance and that he has changed. I said no and later on, I found out that his second wife had to steal money and take the kids out of school when he was at work and run away from him. Does that sound like he has changed. What I am saying is that, from the time he saw that things were not going right, it is common sense that it can destroy your marriage, so he should have made every effort then, not now when you have already signed the complaint. Baby, it is time for you to move forward with your life. Things will not change. Even if it seems good at first, it will gradually go right back to where it was. I wish you all the best.

Answer 3

I don't really know the WHOLE story so not sure I can help you. I CAN tell you to go to Dinner with him and see what he says. I am sure you can "read him" and know if something is fishy or a ploy. Maybe he got real scared because of the divorce issue and now he wants to work on the relationship. If he never cheated on you or abused you, I say try to work it out. You can always hold off for a few months on the divorce and see what happens. Maybe some counseling as well. Good luck, follow your heart and feelings.....ENJOY the dinner too!! ;-)

Answer 4

You took your vows - now do everything in your power to keep them. Get into marriage counseling! It may take 2, 3 or 4 counselors to get a good match, but it's well worth it! Neither of you will gain by a divorce... the next "right one" will have just as many flaws as this one and it's better to keep the promises you've already made to one another. You obviously have A LOT to work with and build upon. Don't give up! Marriage isn't about feeling warm & fuzzy every time you look at one another (as I'm sure you know ) but it's about keeping the promises - keeping YOUR word to each other and to God. It's about COMMITTMENT! Tell him this at dinner - tell him you want to save the marriage and get into counseling. If he's serious he'll be there! Be in prayer - buy helpful books and think positive. God bless you. ~ Nise ~

Answer 5

Maybe he realizes what he has lost. Or some couples do better not married for some reason. So just play it out. Just don't get married to him again unless you know for sure that he has changed for the better. What do you have to lose? You still live together. Your divorced. He can't force you to do anything you don't want to do. It's just dinner. So good luck.

Answer 6

if your uncomfortable with the dinner situation you can always leave but i think going makes a big step forward for you both you'll have an intimate setting in which to talk about things and still enjoy an evening out together

Answer 7

Sounds like he would like to give it atleast one more try. Its always good to keep an open mind about things.

If you truly feel that you are ready to move on, this will be an uncomfortable situation. I always try to "trust my gut" and live life unltimately on my own terms.

I wish you luck and wellness!!

Answer 8

It may be a ploy, but you'll not know until you go. Don't jump to conclusions, just wait and see.

It seems he still wants you.

Answer 9

if you have already decided that being friends is better for you why change your mind now?? Go with how you feel, you cannot worry about what others feel, it has to be what you feel.
Good luck.

Answer 10

No harm in trying to talk over it, if you still wanna go ahead, then its fine.