I have asked him back several times & he keeps telling me no. Why do I put myself through this?? It was a 22 yr. marriage. I left him because he popped pills & drank. I had to leave. Why can't I get him off my mind. I've made such a fool of myself by asking him back. HELP!!
2006-10-06 02:35:17 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There are kids involved.
2006-10-06 02:35:58 · update #1
My heart goes out to you. You are still "in love" with the man you married..and he turned into a monster. You are still holding onto the "old" relationship. That one is gone and even if he stopped TODAY, your marriage would never be the way it used to. I urge you to get some counseling if you have the financial means or health insurance. Otherwise enroll in some activities, an exercises group,a class at a nearby college (or online class)anything that will get you out of the house and keep your mind occupied. Find a support group in the yellow pages or newspaper (or online?) and keep telling yourself that you did the right thing. You did! You should be so proud of yourself and the strength you had to do something so life-altering and unpleasant. You obviously have a standard for which you are going to be treated and you stuck to it. I'm very proud of you!
2006-10-06 02:45:16 · answer #1 · answered by Lesleann 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
22 years is a long time its going to be hard to get over it you have the kids to help you out it is better that you let him go pills and drinking is no good at all good thing for you asking him back not good at all you don't need that he will lose his job soon then if hes is with you he will spend all the money you had saved look forward not back find a new love and you can i did at 60 but she passed on me 3 years latter still looking not to hard got 2 but don't like drugs thy do good luck to you sorry
2006-10-06 10:31:05 · answer #2 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is part of your life forever. Twenty-two years is a long time and you can't expect to forget those experiences over night. I recommend you seeking professional help. You must also keep busy to keep your mind off it. Look anyone would be lying if they said you will get over him but things will get easier to deal with. The pain will subside but you have to make a choice. To recover and you can do it! Good luck and may GOD show you the way and ease your transition!
2006-10-06 09:41:47 · answer #3 · answered by ?? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU HAVE NOT MADE A FOOL OF YOURSELF!!!
You were married for 22Yrs. to someone that you Loved and probably will for the rest of your life! Love and your Heart are not a "light-switch" that you can just "flip" On & Off.
You are a good woman, who did not want to give-up or loose Her family, through a divorce...
Remember this as well; your "ex door-mat"(Ex-Husband) married you because He Loved you and only wanted you! He did not want you to be "Hurting" day-in and day-out, because of Him. I don't know what illness or injury that caused Him(Ex) to become addicted to "pills & booze," but it does sound like He is only trying to "Protect" you from His "Illness"(Addiction), and causing you even more pain.
Just believe that you and your "Ex" have made the right decision, for the time being.
Do not feel ashamed of yourself for not moving on, after only 6mos. There is NO "cut-off or set-date" that says; "You have to or need to move on, with your life!" It takes time!! You were married a lot longer than you have been a "single-girl." It is natural to feel lost and empty, because you lost "your way of life"(married-life), and you are still trying to adjust to this strange new-life, being single.
Time can only tell you when you need to move ahead, so try to be patient with yourself, and DO NOT BE ASHAMED of being in Love with your Ex, and caring for Him. Until He changes and gets "clean" you will find yourself in the same dilema that caused you to leave, to begin with.
Keep Him in your Heart, and stay away from Him, that could force Him to choose to get clean and sober, for you and Himself!
Good Luck in this very hard matter; and as I said; "You didn't do anything wrong, for trying to Love Him and correct your marriage and family together!!"
2006-10-06 10:23:11 · answer #4 · answered by 1moe4u 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We often wonder if we left something worth so much more than it was....time will heal....allow yourself time to heal...
I left an 11 yr ugly relationship (5 yrs ago..) and it took me 2 1/2 yrs to move on.... he on the other hand....replaced me in 6 months.....
I don't love that often...my heart is not open for just games....
Try to focus on work, if you have kids....meet other men....I have joined an adult website....and have met so many men...
Hell some of them just for sex...cause I sure as hell am not ready for any big relationship....
Although I do like the sex......and have met some nice men that help me move along from loving that ex...
good luck....be well.....USE A CONDOM!!!
ps>>> U DON'T WANT HIM BACK..U ARE LONELY...HE'S NOT WORTH IT....and I know it's hard...I"ve spent a lot of days crying and crying...but I am worth more than that and so are YOU!!!!
2006-10-06 09:41:38 · answer #5 · answered by Babsygirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sure have made a fool of yourself. Especially in spades by even admitting that you left him because you couldn't tolerate his nonsense...only to grovel and beg to ask him to come back.
Have you no pride? have you no self esteem? You apparently like to be mired in misery and a lousy relationship for the sake of having a man with you. Is that anyway to find comfort and security in life? For you I guess it appears so.
No one can help you until you help yourself. If you cannot manage to get YOUR head on straight and establish a new life for yourself then you're doomed to be with and enable this man until one or both of you die.
Pathetic and sad. You need more than help.
2006-10-06 09:54:00 · answer #6 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cut and dry. Leave and no matter what, don't look back!
I'm betting since you were together for 22 years, the "kids" as you put it are more like young adults. They'll be fine. Let them do what is best for them. You do what is best for you.
2006-10-06 09:49:05 · answer #7 · answered by Zelda 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You did the right thing by leavin him. You may not see it now but u have moved on. All u have to do is get busy. For example, go out with ur kids for a whole day, concentrate on them. Go out shopping by urself, take close freinds too!
2006-10-06 09:38:38 · answer #8 · answered by Photographer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids have nothing to do with this, you need to move on. You need to get out. Don't even mess with him. You left him. You never ask for someone back that you left. You just don't. He probably looks at it like that too. You left him, why should he take you back. You need to get out. Have fun. Go on dates. Spend time with your girl friends. You have to move on.
2006-10-06 09:50:56 · answer #9 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
focus on your kids and go to the library and check out some self help books and get motivated on putting yourself back in the place you need to be for your kids.
2006-10-06 10:50:58 · answer #10 · answered by threeofakind_ar 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋