Has anyone been in this situation with their married lover, and what was the outcome?

Question

I have been seeing a married man for the last 2 and a half years. I believe he trully loves me, and he has spoken about leaving his wife. I know his situation at home, and, without going into details, it really is a very unhappy one. He has made changes in his life, but not quick enough for me. I told him today, that he needs to sort out his shyte at home without me being an added complication. I said I need to back away so he can decide what it is he trully wants. Has anyone been in a similar situation, and if so, what was the outcome. Did your stepping back solve anything...are there any happy stories out there. And please spare me the moral judgements.

Thank you all for the advice, but I would really like to hear from people who have actually felt what I feel...who have actually been in my situation because if you havent been there you really dont understand what I am feeling.

Answer 1

I have been in that situation. The best thing to do is to back off a little bit and see what he does. What is his problem for not leaving? My situation, the wife kept trying to kill herself every time he left- so he stayed. Children should be his first prioirty. If you want to talk about it feel free to email me privately. [e-mail]

Answer 2

I have a friend who is a master at keeping multiple women at the same time. I'll tell you this: he treats BOTH like they are the only ones that matter, but isn't afraid to mention one in front of the other. Both girls stick around because they think that they will be the one that gets chosen. Truth is, this guy sees multiple women because he likes variety. That has never changed. Even when one girl dissappeared from the picture, did he settle down with the other like she'd hoped? yeah, for about six months. Then he got bored again and moved on.

Its like this: once a cheater, always a cheater. If he started out with you by cheating on someone else, he'll do it to you too. I would highly recommend that you don't give him the chance and go find someone else.

I don't know, if you knew he was married when this relationship started, then maybe you don't mind him having other women on the side. In that case things might work out.

Answer 3

Married men rarely leave their wives once they have a lover that sits back and allows them into their lives.

I was with a married man for a few years in my early 20's. He said all the things your lover said but in the end he is still with his wife and I moved on.

I didnt only take a step back and let him decide what he wanted. I told him what I wanted and obviously after all these years he didnt want me and moved on with my life.

Unless the married man is already legally seperated or divorced the relationship is doomed.

Leave him and find a man that is man enough to be only with you.

Answer 4

Honey, if he cheats on her, he will ultimately cheat on you. I was married to an abuser who cheated constantly. Finally I through him out because of the abuse. He had a girlfriend at the time, which I actually discovered later. She threatened to throw him out of her house if he didn't marry her (as I was remarried first). He married her and guess what?? He cheated on her and finally left her for someone else. Yes, I've been on the other side of the fence as well and although he really loved me, he didn't leave her. And when I told him I couldn't do that anymore, he found another girlfriend. What do you think you should do??

Answer 5

Ill spare you the moral judgements, but any woman I know that has been in that situation has gotten hurt. No matter how many times he tells you he is gonna leave, or how bad things are with his wife, you are better off moving along, he isnt going anywhere.

Answer 6

My best friend has just gone through the same situation. She was married, and she started seeing another guy. They were together for about a year or so, and he told her it was either her husband or him. She chose the boyfriend. They have now been together for seven years. He won't even consider marrying her, and he told her they needed some time apart (he has another girlfriend). So she's out everything.

If he cheated on his wife, what makes you think he won't cheat on you once you are together and go through a bad patch?

Answer 7

You are on the right path. Back away and start a new life for yourself. It will hurt for awhile but at the end you will be better off. Relations are tough enough without sharing a man. You deserve more, now go and get it. Good luck.

Answer 8

properly you could decide between your no longer common working husband and your lover fling. the only thank you to quit it rather is to p.c. and allow the loser (as in who you probably did no longer p.c.) bypass. You taking part in the two adult males on the comparable time and that's incorrect that's like a guy with a mistress and a spouse. no remember the way you placed it none of them deserve that style of treatment from on the grounds which you're saying you like them yet i'm fact you're hurting them.

Answer 9

You have been having this affair for 2 and a half years, if he was going to leave, he would have already!! Lets face it you are just the piece on the side, that is probably all you will ever be!

Answer 10

I have lived out that same exact situation, and I'm sorry to say that it wasn't a happy ending. He left his wife, but it sure wasn't for me. I waited for the divorce, when it came, he chose someone he hadn't known, but he'd know me for 20 years, and three kids. It took me a while to get my heart back on the right beat, but it happened finally. We are friends today, but it hurts every now and then. Get out now, and begin to heal.