I would like to know if I am wrong?Please don't overlook this question.?

Question

I have raised my stepkids for 6 1/2 years I have always been there for them ,school,appoitments anything to overcame the pain of their mom leaving them.My husband has always been there,everthing was o.k till 2 weeks ago when I found out my son was not doing good at school (everyone is A student) I took him to have some testing done and he did well,but the doctor said he had depression.anxiety and anger .When i ask my son he said that he wants to see he's real dad (he's been in out of my children's life since the end of 2004 ,he started to use drugs and forgot he had children,he went to jail in april /2006 and transfer to state jail last week)
When I mention this to my husband he got very upset and started telling me things that really hurt me ,he told me he don't want to be with me anymore and for me not to be involved with his children,he said thats his excuse for failing school,and that's why my son is not been punished.He has not been talking to me .All I care is helping my son.

I love my husband but he is been selfish ,he has not talked to my son since then (he is only 10).I am helping him till late at nigth ,I called a counselor and I already went to the school and ask for help .If I would try to talk to my husband but I know he won't talk to me. He said that's my excuse to see my ex and that I'am still in love with my ex.

I took away a lot of his priviliges and the counselor said is not o.k to keep a child with emotional problems away from everthing and everybody.

I have always tried for my stepchildren mom to be in the picture but it seems she does not care.Last summer my baby well my husband child end up in the hospital after spending some weeks with her,she was phisycally abusing him,he is 7.I was there for him too.

My husband is been at work in the mornings ,and i am still waking up his children getting them ready to go school,giving them a kiss when they leave.I love them very much and I feel he is taking advantage of this

Answer 1

You have chosen the right path. Please help your son.

Answer 2

Whether your son has an excuse or not, it doesn't mean that he shouldn't be keeping up in school. I had a Dad that came around three times after he left when I was 1 yr old and I graduated high school with honors and cont'd from there. I had plenty of excuses growing up, but I knew that if I didn't do well in school there was no TV, no phone, no radio, no friends, no contact with the outside world, extra chores every day, etc. Excuses are not going to work in the real world either. If he doesn't go to work and pay his power bill the power company is going turn his lights off whether he's upset that his dad's in prison or not. I suggest that he be seriously punished so that he doesn't try it again (I am NOT saying beat the child), and at the same time you take every thing away from him he needs to go get professional help so that he can learn to handle his problems in a more constructive way. This is also a really good time to show him how drugs not only hurt the body of the person using, but the people around them also.


After reading some of your added comments, I'm thinking the whole family needs to go to a psychiatrist/psychologist, because you have way too many excuses not to punish your son, and maybe it's like that all the time. Maybe that's why your husband is so angry. OR your husband really is a nasty indecent type of jealous and you would be way better off without him and need a counselor to point that out to you.

Answer 3

Oh the challenges of blended families!
How about chopped, diced, mixed and chunk-ed families, maybe more like it!

I would recommend " a break" by that I mean step back and focus on what you can do and take care of right now.
And that is yourself and your stuff and your son.
Don't put yourself in your husbands head or heart, because you cannot go there or get there to know anything any way!
Stay in your own, take care of yourself and your behavior, thoughts, reactions,stress, worries etc. Don't spend your time focusing on your husband and what you think he is or isn't thinking feeling doing it doesn't work or do good.
Focus on what you are thinking feeling and doing take care of your stuff and your sons.
In the meantime get help, a therapist, someone to talk to a professional who has the knowledge and training can help you find new skills to cope and learn who where and what you want in this life.
Clarity and peace will come if you stay in your space, your place taking care of your stuff.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I think your husband needs to grow up. I also have a step daughter. Her father has NEVER been in her life. She is now 20 I hooked up with her mother when she was 4 years old. BUT I also gave space/room for her father but he CHOSE NOT to be in her life. Your husband is the one that needs to step up so to speak and be a man and let your son meet his father if he wants but do this only if he knows and understand where his father is. It may very well be a rude awakening and your son should be prepared. Just my thoughts on this. Good Luck either way.

Answer 5

Honey, it's not you with the issues or your son. It's your husband, he is a beast!!! Continue to help your son and NEVER keep them away from there real dad, he'll probably just disappoint your son but at least you showed him that he's allowed to visit with him (do this in a supervised way). Your husband now is hiding something from you. He needs to come clean. Nothing like this would cause this man to act the way he is acting...

Answer 6

Dont give up on your son. In my opinion kids are more important then spouses, even if you and your spouse had kids together. Thats the way my husband and I have always been. See the counselor. If you want to talk to your hubby, then do it. My suggestion if you are gonna talk to him, is to offer for him to go with. If he blows up again and doesnt want to go, or still believes that you want your ex back, then tell him to take a damn hike. Sounds to me like, if he isnt willing to work things out, that he is just looking for an easy out in the relationship. Like he wants out for some reason, and you give him an excuse (a shitty one, but one either way) Sounds like you are better off just moving on and getting the counseling and raising your son on your own. As for the step kids, you will see them in due time. They wont shut you out of their life just because daddy said so forever. Eventually they will find a way to contact you. Good luck. I am sorry to hear that your husband is being so selfish and rude.
P.s. Dont punish your son just because you think it might bring your hubby back. If your son is depressed and angry, punishment wont do. And that is right, dont shut him off from the rest of the world, it will only make things worse. You do what is right for your child and forget about what your hubby thinks you should do if he is not in your life. Dont do what he wants thinking it will make him come back. It will only make things worse with your son and make him hate his step dad.

Answer 7

if your husband doesn't want to be with you anymore let him go. you don't want to be with anyone who doesn't want to be with you. your doing the right thing for your son. get him professional help and take the pro's advice. a counselor or child psychologist. also it is unfortunate that you may not be able to remain in the lives of your step children but if that's the way there father makes it what can you do....

Answer 8

Are you asking if you're wrong for not punishing your son?Does your husband feel that he just needs punished?Your husband should be punished, his children are probably not completely over their mother leaving, they may show that on down the road. Your son is always first, help your son, a mother that loves and tries to help her son, could never be wrong!

Answer 9

I'm sorry, but your husband is a piece of ****! He's being a total *** hole, when he should be supporting the decision that your son wants. His jealousy is a serious problem, for the good of your son, I hope you protect him from this childish bastard.

Answer 10

Donot worry about yr husband who doesn't care for your son. Explain your son that his father has gone too bad... ask him what he would do if his pen is not writing well... throw the pen and buy a new one... if he wishes, and if you too think it is good for your son, get married to a gentleman...

Answer 11

that is so terrible.maybe your husband was hurt because, he feels like the dad,& is overreacting, he is hurt.you`re gonna have to talk with son- tell him to explain how he feels to his step-father.tell your husband that your son`s biological father has a lot of problems because of genetics, your son may be influenced. that you`re afraid if you don`t help him deal with it , he may start idealizing his father. stress, how he`s the man -it`s him your son needs most.good luck.