How does this work?

Question

I just went through the final stage of my divorce. I have physical custody of the 4 children, 15,13,11,9. She has visitation rights, except she has her boyfriend living with her, and i do not want the kids near him. He is one of the reasons for the divorce and he is still married and has his own 3 kids. His kids live with his wife. My x-wife says her boyfriend will stay elsewhere while the my kids stay over night with her. I truthfully dont want the kids staying with her at all because of this immorral lifestyle. I probably shouldnt feel like that but i do. Should i let the kids stay the week end with her and him or what?

She works as a server and works on the week-ends. Should the kids have there visit with her anyway. and just hang out at the apartment during the day while she is at work?

Answer 1

she is obviously trash to have her children taken away. good for you for being a good dad, now keep it up. if u feel like they should stay overnight then stick to ur guns. ur in charge and dont forget it.

Answer 2

I do not wish your situation on anyone. It is incredibly emotional. There are children involved. You are a wreck.
Your wife (ex) has a responsibility to the children and you to be cordial and illustrative of your and her lifestyle in a positive way.
Unfortunately, some people don't get it. I hope she stays true to her word.
Another man in your children's life as a mentor or father figure is close to unacceptable to you no matter what unless you genuinely like him to start off with.
Let your kids stay. It is a court order. Tell your ex that what she said is important to you and for the children at this point (even though she may not give a f***)
At least give it time. You don't like him for obvious reasons.
Don't blame you. You can't change it though.
If you can agree on that, you will be able to agree on other things in the future and THAT is the most important thing for your and your children's future.

Answer 3

I would let the courts know she works on the weekends and not give her overnight visits. try to get supervised visits for a while and let things cool down because if she is with a married man it most likely wont last too long. she will get tired of being so secretive about things and may end up by herself in the long run. Ya know he will not leave his wife completely just to be with her cause guys like that like to have their cake and eat it to if ya know what I mean. But for your kids they shouldn't have to suffer. Its bad enough you guys are no longer together never mind her having a guy living with her. It's pretty sad on her part for doing that. Think of your kids and be there for them no matter what happens that is the best thing you can do for them right now. Stay strong and good luck with everything. If ya feel the need to talk e-mail me if you want go to my 360 page and you can e-mail me there.

Lori

Answer 4

You are being petty, let her visit with the kids, rather he's there are not, she's the mom and they deserve to be with her. Why does it matter if she has a boyfriend or not, you are divorced and it's time for the both of you to move on, look at it this way, What if the shoe was on the other foot?

Answer 5

I can understand you being upset. However, because of that, you cannot see this thing clearly. The bottom line, you and she have worked out an agreement and you need to abide by it. If you don't like that arrangement then you need to go back to court.

If you start playing games with her about visitation and who should be there and who shouldn't then you are using your kids as pawns. That will hurt your kids more than it will hurt your ex. Someday you will have to answer for all of your behavior with your kids, when they get old enough to ask you.

Answer 6

First your children ages 15 and 13 can go and you cant stop them. They could say they want to live with Mom and you will have to let them go. No matter how your feeling are about your ex. Your children of 9 and 11 need to have contact with Mom. You could push about the ex's boyfriend being there and you would need to go to the government child services department for help.

You need to forget about your negative feelings for your ex and make thing good for your children. You are divorced but your children still have a Mom no matter how you would like to change that. Be a parent and bury the negative feeling for their mom for you children's sake.

Answer 7

Is there no way to work it out so that she can get them a couple of days during the week. I mean, unless the boyfriend is there it's like you are sending them off by themselves for the weekend. I agree with you, however, you can't withhold visitation. If you think you are ready to be adult about the situation, try talking with her and working something out so that she can get them when she is off.

Answer 8

I completely understand your feeling on this, but you must put the needs of the children before anything else. Would they be hurt if they didn't get to spend time with their mother? Also, no matter how you feel about her, they will still love her, so don't talk bad about her in their presence! You are going to have to find it in your heart to forgive her! Otherwise, it will eat you up inside!

Answer 9

The kids are old enough to make the decision for themselves. Let the older children supervise and let you know if something is going on that concerns you. Kids are smart and will hold it against you if you make the decision for them and not allow them to see their mother

Answer 10

Welcome to the world of divorce. I was in the same situation and unfortunately there is nothing you can do. I understand how you feel you wish you could "control" this situation, but you cannot. Pray for the time to pass until they are 18.

Answer 11

Dont let the kids blame you for their failure to see their mother. Dont make decisions for them. Its ok to advise. A court order is a court order unless reversed.